Punch (98.1890)

February 8, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI._61_

UNTILED; OR, THE MODERN ASMODEUS.

" Tres volontiers," repartit le demon. " Yous aimez lea tableaux changeans: je veux vous contenter."

Le Diable JBoiteux.

XIX.

"A late Symposium!
Yet they 're not en-

In compotations. Ar-
gument hath raged
Four hours by the
dial;

But zealotry of party,

creed, or clique
Marks not the clock,

whilst of polemic

pique

There's one unvoided
vial."

So smiled the"1* Shade.
Dusk coat and gleam-
ing head,

Viewed from above, be-
fore my gaze out-
spread
Like a black sea be-
spotted

With bare pink peaks
of coral isles ; all
eyes

Were fixed on one who
reeled out rhapsodies
In diction double-
shotted.

A long and lofty room, with pillars cold.
And spacious walls of chocolate and gold;

The solid sombre glory
Of tint oppressive and of tasteless shine,
Dear to the modern British Philistine,

Saint, sceptic, Whig, or Tory.

" No Samson-strength of intellect or taste
Shall how the pillars of this temple chaste

Of ugliness and unction.
What is't they argue lengthily and late ?
The flame of patriot passion for the State

Fires this polemic function.

" A caitiff Government has done a Thing_
To make its guardian-angel droop her wing

_ In sickened indignation:
That is, has striven to strengthen its redoubts,
Perfidious ' Ins,' to foil the eager ' Outs.'
Hence endless execration.

" Hence all Wire-pullerdom is up in arms ;
With clarion-toned excursions and alarms

The rival camp is ringing.
Hence perky commoners and pompous peera,
'Midst vehement applause and volleying
cheers,

Stale platitudes are stringing.

"The British Public—some five hundred
strong—

Is here to ' strangle a Gigantic Wrong,'—

So Mababotjt is saying. [eyes,
Watch his wide waistcoat and his wandering
His stamping boots of Brobdingnagian size,
Clenched hands, and shoulders swaying.

'' A great Machine- man, Marabout ! He dotes
On programmes hectographed and Party votes.

For all his pasty pallor
And Bhifty glance, he has the mob's regard,
And he is deemed by council, club, and ward

A mighty man of valour.

" A purchased henchman to a Star of State ?
Perhaps. But here he '11 pose and perorate,

A Brutus vain and voluble.
And who, like Mababout, with vocal flux
Of foimulas, can settle every crux

That wisdom finds insoluble ?

"'Hear! hear!' That shibboleth of shallow
souls

Around his ears in clamorous cadence rolls;
He swells, he glows, he twinkles ;

The sapient Chairman wags his snowy pate,
Whilst cynic triumph, cautious yet elate,
Lurks laughing in his wrinkles.

"And there sits honest zeal, absorbed,
intent, [bent
And cheerfully credulous. Mababout has

To the Commercial Dagon
He publicly derides; but many here
Will toast ' his genuine grit, his manly
cheer,'
Over a friendly flagon.

" Look on him later! There he snugly sits
With his rich patron. Were it war of wits
That wakes their crackling chuckles,
They scarce were heartier. It would strangely

shock

Marabout's worshippers to hear him mock
The ' mob' to which he truckles.

" Truckles in platform speech. In club-
room chat

With Wagstafe, shrewd wire-puller, flashed

and fat,
Or Dodd, the rich dry-salter,
You' d hear how supply he can shift and

twist,

How Bbuttjs with ' the base Monopolist'
Can calmly plot and palter."

"Whilst Marabouts abound, 0 Shade," I
cried,

"What wonder men are 'Mugwumps?'"
Then my guide

Laughed low. "The aesthetic villa
Finds Shopdom's zeal on its fine senses jar;
Yet the Mugwumps Charybdis stands not far

From the Machine-man's Scylla.

"Culture derides the Caucus for its heat,
Its hate—its absence of the Light and Sweet,

So jays might flout the vulture.
Partisan bitterness and purblind haste ?
Come, view the haunts of dilettante Taste,

The coteries of Culture !
" Here Savants wrangle o'er a fossil bone,
Chamber, with curling lip and caustic tone,

At Buddimak" is railing.
Champbb knows everything, from Plato s
text

To Protoplasm ; yet his soul is vext.

His cheeks with spite are paling.

"Why? Because Rudbihan, the rude,
robust,

Has pierced with logic's vigorous vulgar
thrust

The shield of icy polish.
Chamber, in print, is hot on party-hate,
Here his one aim is in the rough debate

His rival to demolish.
'' Sweet Reasonableness ? Another host
Of sages see ! The habits of the Ghost,

The Astral Body's action,
Absorb them, eager. Does more furious fire
The councils of the Caucusites inspire,

Or light the feuds of faction ?
"And there ? They argue out with toil intense
A ' cosmic' poet's esoteric sense,

Of which a world, unwitting,
Recks nothing. Yet how terribly they'd
trounce

Parliament's pettifogging, and denounce
' Political hair-splitting'!"

"0 Shade, the difference is but small, one
dreads.

Betwixt logomachists at loggerheads,

Whether their theme be bonnets
Or British interests. Zealot ardour burns
Scarce fiercer o'er Electoral Returns

Than over Shajcspeabe's Sonnets.

"At Marabout the Mugwump sniffs and
sneers; ['cheers'

Gregarious \votes of thanks' and sheepish

Stir him to satire scornful.
But when sleek Culture apes, irate and loud,
The follies of the Caucus and the Crowd,

The spectacle is mournful."

"True!" smiled the Shade. "Yon super-
cilious sage,
With patent prejudice and petty rage,

Penning a tart jobation
On practised Statesmen, must as much amuse
As Statesmen-sciolists venting vapid views
On rocks and revelation."
(To be continued.)

THE SOUTH-EASTERN" ALPHABET.

A was the Anger evinced far and wide ;
B was the Boat-train delayed by the tide;
C was the Chairman who found nothing
wrong;

D was the Driver who sang the same song;
E was the Engine that Btuck on the way;
F stood for Folkestone, reached late every

day;.

G was the Grumble to which this gave rise ;
H was the Hubbub Directors despise ;
I was the Ink over vain letters used;
J were the Junctions which some one abused;
K was the Kick '' Protest "got for its crimes;
L were the Letters it wrote to the Times;
M was the Meeting that probed the affair;
N was the Nothing that came of the scare ;
0 was the Overdue train on its way;
P was the Patience that bore the delay ;
Q was the Question which struck everyone ;
R the Reply which could satisfy none ;
S was the Station where passengers wait;
T was the Time that they 're bound, to be late;
IT was the Up-train an hour overdue ;

V was the Vagueness its movements pursue;
W stood for time's general Waste;

X for Ex-press that could never make haste;

Y for the Wherefore and Why of this wrong;
And Z for the Zanies who stand it so long!

Startling eor Gourmets.—"Bisques dis-
allowed." But it only refers to a new rule
of the Lawn Tennis Association; so " Bisque
d' ecrevisses will still be preserved to us among
the embarras de richesse—(i.e. the trouble
caused subsequently by the richness,—-free
trans.)—oi a thoroughgoing French dinner.

vol. xcvm.