Punch (98.1890)

January 25, 1890.] PUNCH,

SET DOWN FOR TRIAL.

Dear Mr. Punch,

During the Winter Vacation,
now at an end, I have been visiting
some of the theatres with a view to
educating my eldest son. Hearing
that in A Maris Shadow at the Hay-
market there was a representation of
" the Assize Chamber, Palais de Jus-
tice, Paris," I took Northbutt (the
name I have given to my boy, in re-
cognition of the kin dness that is habitu-
ally shown to the Junior Bar by
two of the most courteous Judges of
modern times) to that temple of the
Drama, and was delighted at the
dignity and legal acuteness displayed
by Mr. Kemble as the President of the
Court. Onreferringtotheprogramme,
I found that the part of the Usher was
played by Mr. Robb Harwood, and
I trust that learned Gentleman (I
cannot help feeling that from his
Christian name, Mr. Harwood must
be connected with the law) will for-
give me if I make a few suggestions.
It has been my good fortune to be pre-
sent in a French Court, and I can
assure Mr. Robb, that the Usher is an
infinitely more important personage
than he represents him to be. I am
not a dramatist, but I can readily
understand that it might interfere
with the interest of the play, and
perhaps, unduly damage the import-
ance properly attributable to the
utterances of the Lessee of the theatre,
were Mr. Robb to give increased pro-
minence to his rule while Mr. Beer-
bohm Tree is present in the character
of Lucien Larnque. But this is un-
necessary, as Mr. Kemble about the
middle of the sitting very properly
adjourns the Court persumably for
luncheon. It is then, that the Usher
Bhould emerge from his comparative
obscurity, and, so to speak, make his
mark. I jot down a rough idea of my
notion in dramatic form for the con-
sideration of the adapter of the piece,
Mr. Robert Buchanan.

Scene— The Assize Chamber {Palais
of Justice, Paris). Mr. Kemble has
just retired with his colleagues to
luncheon. Mr. Beerbohm Tree, as
Laroque, has been removed in the
custody of an old officer, in a
uniform produced by Messrs.
iNATiiAN, from a sketch by
Karl." (Vide Programme.) Mr.

7iEH]fA?DE/' " seen se**ted beneath
the dock. Advocates fraternise with
a, l oung Abbe, who has evidently a
taste jor sensational murder cases.
Usher {to Crowd) Now then, Gen-
tlemen, although the Court has re-
tired, you must keep order. {A
murmur.) What, my authority de-
fied I Gendarmes, do your duty!
{The Gendarmes suppress Crowd})
M. l'Abbe, a word with you. {The
Abbe approaches Usher respect-
fully.) I am told by the Nurse of
Mademoiselle Suzanne that Madame
Laroque is dying. Can you kindly
let me see the Doctor who haB the
case in hand ?

M. L'Abbe {glad of something to
?ay). Certainly, Monsieur. The
Doctor is one of my intimate friends,
and will be proud of an introduction.
[Retires, in search of the Medical
Man.

WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH.

1 It's very odd—but I can't get rid of my Pictures. The House is full of them I" _
1 Can't you get your Grocer to give 'km away with a Pound of Tea, or something ?_

Usher. Thank you! {is given a letter by Mr. Beerbohm Tree, who has reappeared as his oivn
Shadow). Well, Sirrah, what do you want ?

Mr. Tree's Shadow {clearing his throat). Urrerrer! Take that to Mr. Fernandez over yonder,
and wake him up with it! Urrerrerrer! [Exit.

Usher. With pleasure; but {smiling) what a quaint noise I {Approaching Mr. Fernandez)
Monsieur, allow me to offer you my snuff-box—it is heartily at your service. (Mr. Fernandez
accepts the courtesy with effusion.) And now, my old friend, take this packet, which I fancy is from
your wife. I hope Madame is well ? (Mr. Fernandez smilingly bows and eats a sandwich.) I am
delighted to hear it. {Sternly to Mr. Tree, who has entered in another disguise.) Well, Monsieur, and
what do you want with me ?

Mr. Tree in another disguise'{seizing the opportunity of showing his well-known versatility). I

am the Doctor who is attending Madame Laroque ! She is very ill! Believe me, Usher-{Makes a

pathetic speech in a new voice with appropriate gesticulation, finishing with these words), and if he
dies, she will die also!

Usher {who has been weeping). Sad! sad ! sad ! Ah ! Monsieur, you have a hand of silver-_

Mr. Tree {in the other disguise). And a heart of gold! [Exit.

Usher {wiping his eyes). Dear me his story has affected me strangely! But, I must
dissemble! Let not the hollow heartless crowd see my emotion! I must laugh and joke, although
my heart may be breaking! {Suddenly.) I will tell a good story to Mr. Fernandez who, I notice, is
deeply concerned at the news contained in the letter he has just received from his wife—that
news may be the revelation of her own miserable pist! {Approaching the Counsel for the Defence.)
Ah, my old and valued friend, let me cheer you up with an amusing anecdote. Tou must know
that once upon a time a man was seated before the kitchen-fire watching a leg of mutton! His
dog was seated near him ! Mr. Fernandez {in an undertone—as himself). Go away!

Usher {ignoring the interruption). The dog seized the mutton, and the man cast the stool after
him—thus it was said that two legs, finding four legs had stolen one leg, threw after him three
legs! Ha! ha I ha! You will see two legs—the man—four legs, the dog—one leg, the mutton—
and three legs, the stool! A quaint conceit! A quaint—ha I ha! ha!—a quaint conceit indeed !

Mr. Fernandez {as before, but more so). Go away ! [Mr. Kemble here returns, and the Usher
resumes his ordinary manner. Scene concluded according to Mr. Buchanan's version.

Wishing you the compliments of the season (in which Northbutt joins),

I remain, dear Mr. Punch, Yours truly, A Briefless, Junior.

Pump-handle Court, Temple, '20th Jan., 1890._

THE OLD, OLD STORY.

"It ia reported from Gibraltar, that the 110-ton guns of the Benbow, have developed defects similar to those
recently developed in the Victoria."—Naval Intelligence.

There was a hoodwinked Man
Who, in buying his big guns,

Very often by the nose was deftly led, led, lei.
For when he fired them first
They did everything but, burst,

Though guaranteed by Whitehall's Na\al head,
head, head!

So when by foes defied . , ,

At length in action tried Lshot.
'Tis found that they won't fire a single shot, shot,
Let us hope, at any rate,
Though the Nemesis corns late,
That some party who's to blame will get it hot,
hot, hot!