Punch (98.1890)

February 22, 1890.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

89

MODERN TYPES.

{By Mr. Punch's Own Type-writer.)

No. I.—THE DULL ROYSTERER.

The Dull Roysterer, or, as he is termed by the slangiest of his
intimates, the "Bluff Boozer," is ordinarily the son of a wealthy, hut

injudicious father, -who,
' Wllfe*. having sent him to a

good puhlic school, fur-
nished him with an in-
come that would keep a
curate in luxury. He
developes an early incli-
nation for check trousers,
and. the pleasures of the
tahle. Appalled by the
difficulties of English
spelling, he seeks com-
fort in Scotch whiskey,
and atones for a pro-
found distaste for the
tongues of ancient Greece
and Rome by cultivating
an appreciative palate
for the vintages of
Modern France. His burly frame, and a certain brute courage,
gain for him a place in the School Football team, and a considerable
amount of popularity, which he increases by the lavish waste ol his
excessive allowance. He has a fine contempt, which he never tails
to express, for those boys who attempt to cultivate their minds by
the reading of books, and, naturally, does not hesitate to degrade
his own by the immoderate absorption of strong drinks. _

Having, however, been discovered in a state of intoxication, he
leaves school hurriedly and betakes himself to an Army-crammer's
where discipline is lax and dissipation easy. Here he keeps half-a-
dozen fox-terriers, and busies himself about the destruction of
domestic cats. Yet, by dint of much forcing on the part of his
Coach, he succeeds in passing into Sandhurst, and eventually; obtains
a commission in a Cavalry Regiment. During this stage of his career
he frequents race-courses and worships earnestly at the shrine of
Bacchus. He entangles himself with the wife of a brother officer,
and, after figuring as the co-respondent in an undefended case,
marries her. In the meantime he sends in his papers, and retires
from the Army. Shortly afterwards he enlists in the ranks of
those who seek pleasure in the night-resorts of the town. He soon
becomes the boon companion of shady sporting men, latter-day
coachmen, pink and paragraphic journalists, and middle-aged ladies,
who, having once been, or been once, on the stage, still affect the
skittish manners of a ballet-dancer. He is a man of short speech,
but his humour is as broad as his drinks are long. He affects a
rowdy geniality and a Bwaggering gait, by which he seeks to overawe
the inoffensive. Though he has but a small stock of intelligence,
he passes for a wit amongst his associates by dint of perpetually
repeating an inane catch-word. "With this, and a stamp of the foot,
he will greet a friend who may meet him before lunch. Amongst
his intimates such a welcome is held to be intensely humorous. He
scatters the same sort of stamp and the identical remark broadcast
oyer the loungers who congregate in front of Hatchett's ; by these
signs and tokens he announces his presence at a Sporting Restaurant,
and to the same accompaniment he sups at the Camellia, or looks
on, in a heavy, sodden sort of wav, while others dance, at the ball of
a demi-mondame.

^Xl vS f||ne£al ignorance leads him into perpetual pitfalls, and
makes him the butt of those of his associates who are cleverer than
^ av i. Ra™¥ on a certain occasion been addressed as Falstaff,
If S Afe11 t0- ^3,8ize and capacity for drink, he is easily
persuaded that the original owner of this name was celebrated in
History for his grace and sobriety. He takes much pride in re-
counting the incident ever afterwards.

Though the Roysterer is generally fuddled, he is rarely glorious,
mvmg once driven a tandem, he is credited with a complete know-
SJl ?! norses> which, however, he invariably fails to turn to any
prontable account. He begins his day with whiskey oock-tails, con-
tinues it with a series of brandy-and-sodas, followed by unlimited
magnums of brut Champagne, and concludes it with more Cham-
pagne, a liberal allowance of liqueur brandies, and two or three
tumblers of whiskey-and-seltzer to round off the night. As the
hours advance, his face assumes a ruddier glow. With the progress
of years, being compelled to conceal the increasing girth of his lower
chest by the constant inflation of his upper, he wears frock-coats,
-the point which is lacking in his conversation is conspicuous in his
boots, whilst Ms collars possess an elevation entirely denied to his
manners.

He suffers from no restraint in consequence of his marriage. He

is adored by a certain class of burlesque actresses. He flatters them
by adoring himself. He owns a small house in Belgravia, but he
frequently lives elsewhere. No pigeon-shooting matohes, and few
poker parties, amongst a certain set, are complete without him.
Having benefited only to a limited extent under the will of his
father, he is not generally reputed to be wealthy, but he is always
extravagant. _ Yet he manages to steer clear of trie painful conse-
quenoes of writs with some astuteness. In middle-age he becomes
°bese, and cannot go the pace as formerly. His friends therefore
abandon him, and he dies before he is fifty, in reduoed oiroumstanoes,
of an enlarged liver.

" JOHNNYKIN AND THE GOBLINGS."
Two hundred and fifty Goblings in the Grand Banquet room of the
Hotel Metropole assembled, as all the world knows by this time, to
bid " Farewell, but not
good-bye," as Clement
Scott's admirable verses
have it, to Johnnykin ; that
is, to Mr. J. L. Toole, usually
and popularly spoken of as
' 'Johnnie Toole," and gene-
rally endeared to his private
friends as, simply, "John-
nie." Quite the best speci-
men of a "Johnnie," among
all the "Johnnies" of the
present time. Mr. Punch,
tor the first time in his life,
permitted his merry men,
The Knights of His Own
Round Table, to convert
their usual Wednesday din-
ner into a " movable feast,"
and to transfer it to the day
beforehand, in order to do
honour to the unique occa-
sion, and the exceptional
guest of the evening. No
wonder there were two hun-
dred and fifty acceptances to
the bill of fare, and two
hundred and fifty more ready

to sign, seeing that the Bon Voyage! et Au Kevoir !

invitations came in ertect

from the President, the Solicitor-General, who could not solioit
in vain.

Mr. Fbank Lockwood, Q.C., M.P., excelled himself in proposing
the toast of " The Drama." He contemned the ancient Greek Drama,
but was of opinion—Counsel's opinion—or, as he was speaking of the
Romans, "Consul's opinion"—that there was "more money in the
Latin Drama." Mr. Punch, regretted he was not at his learned
friend's elbow to suggest, that an apt illustration of the truth of
his remark might be found in the success of Augustus Druriolanus,
Imperatoe.

Mr. Henry Irving proved, by his perfect recital of Clement Scott's
verses, how thoroughly "by heart" he had got them. Henry's
" heart is " not " dead " when Johnnie is concerned. Sir Edward
Clarice, as we learnt from the speeches made by himself, Mr. Irving,

merry boys, When we were boys together," had not been'arrangei
as a trio for them. Johnnie was in his best form; verv detached,
casual, and uncommonly funny. Lord Roseberx apologised by letter
for not being able to be in Scotland and London at the same time;
and the Wicked Abbe Bancroft in replying to the toast of the
Drama, pathetically represented his hard case of being oalled upon
to make an after-dinner speech, when he hadn't had any dinner.
The Actor's lot is evidently, not always a happy one. He wanted
a "feeding-part" and didn't get it. The dinner was excellent, and
the waiting of the waiters was, as far as I could asoertain, excep-
tionally good. Certainly the Metropole, or the New "Holland"
House,—as it might be termed, after its manager,—holds first rank
for this sort of business. We present Mr. Holland, the Metropole
Caterer, with this suggestion :—

The Only Condiment for a Farewell Banquet—" Sauoe Ta Ta I "

Avenue Theatre.—Alexander the Growing, not yet the G™**'
finds that for some weeks to come there will be no *eoes»ty w
doctor his Bill. He will be wise, however, not to rejeot any vroSerea
Sance, as, from his present success, ft is evident he cannot get

assistance, »=,
on un-Aide-d