Punch (98.1890)

168 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Apeil 5, 1890.

startles Old Moeality. Faot is, never occurred to him that any-
thing had to he done in supplement of passing Vote of Thanks. There
it was ; Judges might, in passing, call in and take it home with
them; or it might be forwarded, at owner's risk, by Parcel-Post or
Piekford's. Very awkward thing
thus springing these questions on
a Minister. Couldn't even, right
off, say where the Vote of Thanks
•was. Gazed, hopelessly at mass of
papers on Clerk's table. Might
probably be there. Perhaps not.
Vote passed some days ago ; desk
cleared every morning. Old Mo-
ealitt moved restlessly on bench;
looked picture of despair. Best
thing to do, not to take notice of
question; pretend not to hear it;
but House laughing and cheering;
all eyes bent on him; no escape.
So, rising, holding on to table,
putting on most diplomatic man-
ner, and speaking in solemn
tones, Old Moeality said, "Mr.
Speakee, Sir, it is no part of my
duty to the Queen and country to
convey to anybody a Resolution of
this House."

Lawson up again. More cheer-
ing and laughter. Asked Speakee
whether he had conveyed Vote
of Thanks to Judges ? No ; Spea-
kee had had no instructions on
the matter. Wher0 8 the Vote of Thanks ?

"Where is the Vote of Thanks P "Who has it in his possession ?
Certainly not the Judges ; one of those things nobody had thought
about; various people's business to see to it; accordingly no one
done it; no wonder Brother Day, sitting on Bench, has looked
forth with stony stare, his heart consumed with secret sorrow.
"Whilst everyone congratulating Judges on rare honour done to them
by both Houses of Parliament, the distinction has fproved illusory.
World pictured each learned Judge with copy of Vote of Thanks,
framed and glazed, hung in best parlour; and behold! they have
never had it at all!

House laughed when truth dawned upon it. But it was a hollow
laugh, ill-concealing prevalent feeling of vexation and shame-
facedness. Turned with affectation of keen interest to question
raised by Mundella of iniquities of Education Department in con-
nection with School Supply of York and Salisbury. Bet could not
keep the thing up. Even rousing eloquence of Haet Dyke, on his
defence, fell flat. Ever rose before Members the vision of the three
Judges, daily expecting receipt of thanks which they read had been
voted to them ; too proud to complain of neglect; Hannen taking
on a sterner aspect; Smith affecting a perky indifference; and over
the solemn features of Brother Day ever stealing the deepening twi-
light of deferred, hope. House gladly broke away from scene and
subject, getting itself Counted Out at a Quarter-past Nine.

Thursday.—" Talk about Dizzy," said Habcoubt, perhaps not
without some tinge of envy, "if Old Moeality goes on in this
style, Djzzy won't be in it for persiflage."

House laughing so heartily, could hardly hear Habcouet's whisper.
John Mobley began it; Lunacy Laws Consolidation Bill with 342
Clauses and 5 Schedules gone through Committee like flash of
lightning. Nothing been seen like it since, the other night, I and
seven other Members voted Four Millions sterling in Committee on
Navy Estimates. Courtney put Clauses in batches of fifty. No
one said him nay. Natural supposition was, that House in agreeing
to this critical stage of important Bill knew all about it. Every
line of its 312 Clauses must be familiar to every man present;
otherwise how could, he lay his hand on his heart, and say, " Aye,"
when Courtney asked him should he knock off another fifty Clauses ?

"When it was over, John Mobley rose, and gravely expressed
hope that Old Moeality would inform his friends, accustomed to
say that Opposition persist in obstruction, how this piece of legisla-
tion had advanced by leaps and bounds. This meant to be a nasty
one for Old Moeality, prone to go into the country in Autumn
and protest how he is hampered in performing duty to Queen and
country by obstruction of Members opposite.

"Ha! hal" chuckled the Liberals, "John's got him there. A
hit, a palpable hit!"

But no one yet fathomed the tranquil depths of Old Moeality.
Rose from other side of table and, with equal gravity, promised
that he would tell all his friends "how the Opposition had given
greatest possible facility for passing the Lunacy Bill." This joke
one of kind whose exquisite flavour evaporates on paper. But House
enjoyed it immensely, none more than Old Moeality. Eor an
hour after, as he sat on Treasury Bench, his face from time to time

suddenly suffused with genial smile, and his portly body gently
shook with laughter.

" AhA " said J. G. Tai.bot, mournfully regarding him through his
spectacles;' he's thinking of the Old 'un," meaning the late joke.

Tithes Bill on for Second Read-
ing. Picton rallied scattered
forces of Opposition, and led them
to attack. Slashing speech ; soar-
ing eloquence; trenormous energy.

Reminds me," said Admiral
Field, " of his grandfather, Gen-
eral Picton, who fell at "Waterloo.
Remember him very well; was in
charge of Brigade of Marines
there, you know; attached to
Picton's Division. Never look on
Member for Leicester without
thinking of my old comrade in
arms;" and the sturdy salt
brushed away the reluctant tear.

Picton reminded Hicks-Beach
of someone else—"his great pre-
decessor in spoliation, Heney
the Eighth."

" Yes, but better looking," said
Plunket, always ready to put in
a kind word.

Business done. — Tithes Bill
Debate.

Friday Night.—Tithes Debate,
which has had general effect of Tearing up the Tithes,

depressing the human mind, acted upon Ceanboene like electric
shock. Astonished and interested House to-night by vigorous speech
delivered in favour of Bill. With clenched hands and set teeth
declared that he "meant to fight for Established Church till death."
He put it to the piratical Picton and other marauders, whether,
seeing that in such case the conflict must necessarily be prolonged,
they would not do well to seize this opportunity of settling Tithe
question ?

Business done— Second Reading Tithes Bill agreed to by 289 Votes
against 164.

"A (Not) at Home."—Last week a paragraph appealed in an illus-
trated paper contradicting the report (published in an earlier issue)
that a certain titled Lady had been present at somebody's party.
This novel departure should be useful as a precedent to the creme de
la creme of suburban society. In future, such announcements as
the following may be expected to be frequently found in the
"Fashionable Intelligence" columns of the more aspiring of our
Penny Socials:—"On Thursday last Mr. and Mrs. Madeiea Top-
flooe Smithies entertained a small and select party at their new
residence, The Hollies, 24a, Zanzibar Terrace, Peckham Rye, East.
Amongst those present we did not notice H.S H. the Prince of
Teck, the Duke of "Westminsteb, Lady Bubdett-Coutts, and the
Lobd Chancellob. In the general circle, Lord Ceoss, the
Countess of Clabendon, and the Bishop of London, were aleo
conspicuous by their absence. It was Tumoured that neither the
Duke of Cambbidoe nor Mr. Gladstone were expected to join the
company before the close of the entertainment."

Dinnee Scabcely 1 la Roose.—Dear Mr. Punch—\ am a poor
man, but I like a nice dinner. Now I have discovered how to enjoy
a good meal, and yet keep the cost of living within reasonable limits.
Here is my method. I order and eat, a lobster, two pounds of pork
chops, a large-sized pot of pate de foies gras, a dressed crab, and
three plates of toasted cheese. Having finished this dainty little
dinner, I find, that I can eat nothing more for at least a week I
That the pleasing fare does not make me ill, is proved by my friends
declaring that I look like a picture of health. They do not say
whether the picture is a good or bad one—but that is a matter of
detail. Yours sincerely,

The Foundeb oe the Moee-than-Enough Society.

Utopian.—Neither noise, vibration, nor dust I That's what
the Bbamwells, the "Watkins, and the Galtons claim for that
partly-developed but promising—much promising — invention of
M. Gibabd's, the Chemin de Fer Glissant, or Sliding Railway.
What a happy ideal! By all means, "Let it slide ! "

A Chance eob a New Membeb.—" Rookeries," said Mr. Heney
Lazabus in his evidence at Marylebone, "abound in St. Pancras,
and it is a scandal to civilisation that they should continue to exist."
Now, Mr. Bolton, M.P., can't you have your Isgal and parliamentary
finger in this Rook pie ?

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