Punch (99.1890)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 9, 1890.

SOMETHING LIKE A REVOLUTION!

{From Our Own Correspondmi on the Spot.)

Samol Plazo, 8 a.m.—My plat of egsibaconi has just been knocked
out of the hands of my servant, Patpotato, by a bullet. My man

Our Correspondent at Breakfast.

(who is of Iiish extraction) thinks that the long-expected revolu-
tion must have oommenced; '' for," as he argues, '' when everything
is down, something is sure to be up." I think so too. I am now
going to Government House. If I don't get this through, make
complaint at the Post Office, for it will be their fault not mine.

9 a.m.—Am now at Head Quarters. Not much trouble getting here.
Came by a bussi, a local conveyance drawn by two horses, and much
used by the humbler olasses. On our road one of the steeds and the
roof of the bussi were carried away by a Bhell, but as I was inside
this caused me little annoyance, and I got comfortably to my
destination with the remainder. Just seen the President, who says

laughingly, that

/—"v. ,x 4^p* "there has been

/ rv^jL practically no-

- .^sSh J thing but perfect

2*sfe*tv <<7lL IhB ?ea,oe *?d

<*iMJ*Jy 'X doubt wnether

. »' /j^fggtjTfZ> r this can be quite

_<s*^§* T*~~ case, as he was

$0^Z'-^ W^LJ'* sitting in front of

'J^^^^w* Government

Qm^{^~ l^~S House, which was

^^%JLs»^' a* verymo~

ffllfJSnwr /"^ ment undergoing

' f barlm^W^n
"~"""iJ^ ^.qrl^LM^^g^M-igw-L pointed this out

~ rp Jij/^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^™' t° nimi he con-
u^t^snsJ^-^' ^ ^ fessed that he had

tV^ noticed it himself,

Narrow Escape of 0 ur Correspondent. Dut £id J0* tni£.k

much of it. He

was in excellent spirits, and told me a funny story about the narrow
escape of his mother-in-law. I am now off to see how the other side
are progressing. If the Post Office people tell you they can't send
my telegrams to you, refuse to believe them.

10 a.m.—As I suspeoted, from the first, there has been a disturbance.
I thought it must be so, as I could not otherwise understand why my
cabbi should have been blown into the air, while passing through a
mined street on the road here. I am now at the Head Quarters of
the Oniononi, who seem to be in great strength. They appear to be
very pleased that the fleet should have joined them, and account for
the action by saying that the sailors, as bad shots, would naturally
blaze away at the biggest target—Government House. So far, the
disturbances have caused little inconvenience. I date this 10 a.m.,
but I cannot tell you the exact time, as the clock-tower has just been
carried away by a new kind of. land torpedo.

12, Noon.—I am now once again at the Government Head Quarters.
As I could get no better conveyance. I inflated my canvas carpet-bag
with gas, and used it as a balloon. I found it most valuable in crossing
the battery which now masks the remains of what was onoe Govern-
ment House. The President, after having organised,ra band of pic-
pockettini (desperadoes taken from the gaols), has gone into the pro-
vinces, declaring that he has a toothache. By some, this declaration

is deemed a subterfuge, by others, a statement savouring of levity.
The artillery are now reducing the entire town to atoms, under the
personal supervision of the Minister of Finance, who deprecates
waste in ammunition, and
declares that he is bound to
the President by the tie of
the battle-field.

2 p.m.—Have rejoined the
Oniononi, coming hither by
ricochet on a spent shell.
The people are entirely with
them, and cheer at every
fresh evidence of destruc-
tion. Found a well-known
shopkeeper in ecstasies over
the ruins of hi3 establish-
ment. He said that, " Al-
though the revolution might
be bad for trade, it would

do good, as things wanted . \ i • i ' ' \ ^s-x
waking up." A slaughter of
police and railway officials, AJRJN-^ >\ . '
which has just been carried v^- ^g^x
out with infinite spirit,
seems to be immenselv _ _ , .

popular. If you don't get 0ur Correspondent m an Elevated Position,
this, make immediate complaint. Don't accept, as an excuse, that
the wires have been cut, and the office razed to the ground. They
oan get it through, if they like.

4 p.m.—Just heard a report that I myself have been killed and
buried. As I can get no corroboration of this statement, I publish
it under reservation. I confine myself to saying that it may be true,
although I have my doubts upon the subject.

6 p.m.—It seems (as I imagined) that the report of my death and
funeral is a canard. This shows how necessary it is to test the
truth of every item of information before hurrying off to the Tele-
graph Office. Efforts are now being made to bring about a recon-
ciliation between the contending parties.

8 p.m.—The revolution is over. When both sides had exhausted
their ammunition, peace naturally beoame a necessity. The con-
tending parties are now dining together, al fresco, as the town is
in ruins. Nothing more to add save, All's well that ends well!

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
"Workmen's.

" Merry Christmas to you, Sir, and many on 'em ! " i.e., " Have
you got that half-crown handy P "

In the Smokxng-Room.
" Quite so ; hut then, you see, that's not my point;" i.e.," It was,
ten minutes ago."

" Yes, but allow me one moment;" i.e., "Kindly give me your
close attention for twenty-five minutes."

Social.

"Not your fault, indeed! Mine for having so long a train;"
i.e.. "Awkward toad! "

" Where did you get that lovely dress, dear?" i.e., "That I may
avoid that dress-maker."

Theatrical.

"Whose talents have been seen to better advantage;" i.e.,
" A cruel bad actor—but can't say so."

" When the nervousness of a first night has been got over;" i.e.,
" Never saw a worse play—but it may catch on."

" The ^Author's modesty prevented him from responding to loud
calls; " i.e., "Timid youth, probably. Foresaw brickbats."

"Bravo, Toro!"—M. ConstanswM not allow BuU-fighting in
Paris, even for " the benefit of the Martinique sufferers." Quite
right! But if he would only discourage '' Bull-fighting " in Egypt—
the sort of " Bull-fighting" desired by Chauvinist M. Deloncle—
he would do good service to the land of the Pyramids, to the poor
fellah, and to civilisation.

Note from Brighton.—The exterior of the recently-opened Hotel
Metropole, is so effective, that the Architect, Mr. "Waterhotjse, R. A.,
is likely to receive many commissions for the erection of similar
hostelries at our principal marine resorts. He will take out letters
patent for change of name, and be known henceforward as Mr. Sea-
Waterhotjse, R.A. By the way, the Directors of the Gordon Hotels
Co. wish it to be generally known that they have not started a
juvenile hotel for half-price children, under the name of the Gordon
Boys' Hotel.