Punch (100.1891)

January 3, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

11

IN THE LATEST STYLE.

{By Our Intrepid Interviewer.)

Feeling that your readers would be inte-
rested in learning Mr. Chose's own view of
the unpleasant affair, I called upon the
distinguished Arctic Explorer just as he was
sitting down to breakfast.

"Now, Mr. Chose, is it really true," I
asked, " that you stole the umbrellas ?"

The face of the warrior flushed angrily,
for a moment, and then regaining his com-
posure, he replied that he could not see the
point of possessing himself of articles that
would be absolutely valueless in those
extremely northern latitudes.

"That is not the question," I persisted.
" I am sure you will forgive me, when you
remember that I speak in the name of the
Pablic; but what I want, and what they want
to know is, Did you steal the umbrellas ?
Now, Mr. Chose, you can surely answer Yes
or No."

" I don't see what either you or they have
to do with it," replied the Arctic Explorer,
cutting off the top of a boiled egg, " but as a
matter of fact, I nad nothing whatever to do
with any of the luggage of the expedition.
So, if it is said, that I walked about with a
shower-protector that was not my own, you
can value the story for wha.t it is worth.
Why, on the very face of it, the report is
ridiculous! "

"Exactly," I agreed, "but, then, the
world is uncharitable. However, Mr. Chose,
perhaps you can tell me if it is true that your
friend and colleague, Mr. Blane, converted
an aged Esquimaux into what he termed
Iced Greenlander ? "

"I have heard the
story, certainly; but
cannot say whether it
is true or not. "When
the incident is alleged
to have happened, I was
in another part of the
country, having been
sent there to change
novels at the local cir-
culating library."

" But would you say
it was probable ? "

"Distinctly not.
Blank was a noble-
hearted, chivalrous,
merry, gladsome, gal-
lant young fellow. He
was the soul of honour.
Why," he added, with
deep emotion, "I have
left as much as jfour-
penoe in coppers^ on a
mantel-piece alone
with him, and on my
return have found
every halfpenny of the
money untouched!"

j1 Then do you not
think he pushed the old
man into the sausage-
machine ? "

"If he did, it must
have been either acci-
dentally, or to win a
wager, or perhaps as

PICTORIAL NOTE TO HAMLET.

Hamlet as he really Ought to be,

ACCORDING to ShAKSPEARE.

" 0 that this too too solid flesh would melt! "

Note.—Shakespeare was the originator of the
aesthetic expression " Too, too.''

pockets? And when it is said that you
were turned out of a Club for cheating at
cards-"

But at this point I was assisted to take
my leave with so much abruptness, that I
was forced to leave my last question but par-
tially formulated. On findiDg myself once
more in the street, I noticed that I was
reclining in the gutter, bare-headed. A
little later, however, my hat was thrown
after me.

POLITICS UP TO DATE.

{Spiecimen leader from an Irish laper in a
Chronic 6tate of Revolution. )

Wednesday, 9 a.m.—We appear 1 his morn-
ing awaiting the future with confidence and
hope. So far, we have been able to conduct
this journal on patriotic lines. We have
denounced the Leader of the Party as the
enemy of his country, and have applauded
his opponents as the saviours of society.
But we cannot conceal from ourselves that
the time may arrive when this policy may

be reversed. The hour may come-

10 a.m.—It has! We have much pleasure
in informing our readers that, after a vigorous
fight (honourable to all who took part m it),
we have conquered. This paper is in our
hands, and henceforward we shall support,
to the best of our ability, the Leader of the
Party, and denounce the infamous pretensions
of his opponents ; still, it would be unwise to
ignore the possibilities of the future. We
may be overpowered by a tyrannical majority.

The time may come-

Hurroo ! It was hard
fighting to get back;
but here we are again,
ready to denounce the
leader, and support his
opponents. For the
moment we are vic-
torious, but who shall
prophesy what may be
looming in the distant
ages? The hour may

come-

12 Noon.—It has I
And now that we have
again taken possession,
we must say we have
never had so elegant a
quarrel. The shille-
laghs were ilinging
about all over the
place, cracking crowns
in all directions, and
the scrimmages were
just magnificent! It
was an elegant row
entirely! But now to
work. Our noble
leader deserves his
triumph, and his oppo-
nents are nowhere.
Still in the moment of
victory, it would be
foolish to overlook the
chances of to-morrow.

The hour may come-

1 v m.—It h8s ! Be
jabers, what a con-

Eractical joke. "That he would do anything open to censure at the test! But we have just slaughtered tbem ! Oh, it was a fine sight
ands of the severest moralist, is absolutely incredible. Why, he j entirely ! How the ink-pots flew about! Easy now, let us to busi-

Qucen. " He 'g fat, and scant of breath,

Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows."

is a Loamshire man ! "

" So I have heard ; aDd, now, Mr. Chose, as I see that you have
finished your breakfast, I will put to you a purely personal queslion.
Is it true that you poisoned your grandmother, drowned your uncle,
stifled your niece, and hanged your brother-in-law ? "

The Arctic Explorer pulled angrily at his moustache, and said
something about the reports to which I referred being exaggerated.

" And may I take it that you have never been in gaol for picking

ness. The shorter we make our remarks the better, as no one can

sav what will be happening hereafter. The hour may come-

2 p.m.—It has! With a vengeance! We have defeated them!
Hurroo, boys ! This is not the time for composition! Tread on the tail
of my—we mean—our coat! Come on, ye dirty spalpeens ! Hurroo !
[Publication suspended until someone can be found—not other-
wise engaged—to write and print it, while scmeone else starts
a rival and " suppressed'' edition.