Punch (100.1891)

June 6, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

265

VOCES POPULI.

BRICKS WITHOUT STRA.W.

Scene—A Village School-room. A Juvenile Treat is in progress,
and a Magic Lantern, hired for the occasion, "with set of
slides complete—to last one hour," is about to be exhibited.
The Vicar's Daughter (suddenly recognising the New Curate, who
is blinking unsuspectingly in the lantern rays). Oh, Mr. Tootles,
you've just come in time to help us! The man with the lantern

says he only
manages the
slides, and can't
do the talking
part. And I've
asked lots of
people, and no
one will volun-
teer. Would
you mind just
explaining the
pictures to the
children ? It's
only a little
Nursery tale —
Valentine and
Orson—I chose
that, because
it's less hack-
neyed, and has
such an excel-
lent moral, you
know. I'm sure
you '11 do it so
beautifully.'

Mr. Tootler
(a shy man). I
—I'd do it with
pleasure, I'm
sure — only I
really don't
know anything
about Valentine
and Orson !

The V's D.
Oh, what does
that matter ? 1
can tell you the

outline in'two minutes. [SheJells him.) But it's got to last an
hour, so you must spin it out as much as ever you can.

Mr. Tootler [to himself). Ought I to neglect such a golden oppor-
tunity of winning'these young hearts ? No. {Aloud.) I will—er—
do my best, and perhaps I had better begin at once, as they seem to
be getting—er—rather unruly at the further end of the room. (He
clears his throat.) Children, you must be very quiet and attentive,
and then we shall be able, as we purpose this evening, to show you
some scenes illustrative of the—er—beautiful old story of Valentine
and Orson, which I doubt not is familiar to you all. {Rustic
applause, conveyed by stamping and shrill cheers, after which a
picture is thrown on the screen representing a Village Festival.)
Here, children, we have a view of—er—(with sudden inspiration)—
Valentine's Native Village. It is—er—his birthday, and Valentine,
being a young man who is universally beloved on account of his

amiability and good conduct-(To the Vicar's D. "Is that correct?"

The V's.D. "Quite, quite correct!")—good conduct, the villagers are
celebrating the—er—auspicious event by general rejoicings. How true
it is that if we are only good, we may, young as we are, count upon
gaining the affection and esteem of all around us! (A Youthful
Rustic, with a tendency to heckle. " Ef 'ee plaze, Zur, which on 'em be
Valentoine?") Valentine, we may be very sure, would not be absent on
such an occasion, although, owing to the crowd, we cannot distinguish
him. But, wherever he is, however he may be occupied, he little thinks
that, before long, he will have to encounter the terrible Orson, the
Wild Man of the Woods ! Ah, dear children, we all have our W^ild

Man of the Woods to fight. With some of us it is-(He improves

the occasion.) Our next picture represents-(To Assistant.) Sure

this comes next? Oh, they're all numbered, are they? Very
■well-;—represents a forest—er—the home of Orson. If we were
permitted to peep behind one _ of those trunks, we should doubtless
see Orson himself, crouching in readiness to spring upon the unsus-
pecting Valentine. So, often when we—&c, &o. The next scene
we shall show you represents the—er—burning of Valentine's Bhip.
Valentine has gone on a voyage, with the object of—er—finding
Orson. If the boat in the pictnre was only larger, we could no doubt
identify Valentine, sitting there undismayed, calmly confident that,
notwithstanding this — er — unfortunate interruption, he will be

guided, sooner or later, to his—er—goal. Yes, dear children, if we
only have patience, if we only have faith, &c, <5hc. Here we see—(an
enormous Bison is suddenly depicted on the screen) eh ? oh, yes—here
we have a specimen of—er—Orson's pursuits. He chases the bison.
Some of you may not know what a bison is. It is a kind of hairy

cow, and- (He describes the habits of these creatures as fully as

he is able. The Youthful Rustic. " Theer baint nawone a-erntin'
of 'un, Zur.") What? Oh, but there is. Orson is pursuing him,
only—er—the bison, being a very fleet animal, has outrun his
pursuer for the moment. Sometimes we flatter ourselves that we
have outrun our pursuer—but, depend upon it," (to., &c. But now

let us see what Valentine is about- (Discovering, not without

surprise, that the next picture is a Scene in the Arctic Regio?is.)
Well, you see, he has succeeded in reaching the coast, and here he
is—in a sledge drawn by a reindeer, with nothing to guide him but
the Aurora Borealis, hastening towards the spot where he has been
told he will find Orson. He doesn't despair, doesn't lose heart—he
is sure that, if he only keeps on, if he—er—only continues, only per-
severes—(Aside. What drivel I am talking ! To Assistant. I say, are
there many more of this sort? because we don't seem to be getting
on !)—Well, now we oome to—(a Moonlight Scene, with a Cottage in
Winter, appears)—to the —ah—home of Valentine's mother. You
will observe a light in the casement. By that light the good old
woman is sitting, longing and praying for the return of her
gallant boy. Ah, dear children, what a thing a good old mother
is! (To the Vicar's Daughter. "I really can not keep on like
this much longer. I'm positively certain these Blides are out
of order!" The V.'s D. " Oh no; I'm sure it's all right. Do
please go on. They 're so interested ! " The Young Heckler. "'Ow
'bout Valentoine, Zur ?—wheer be
'ee ? " Ah, where is Valentine, in-
deed ? (To Ass.) Next Blide—quick !
(Recognises with dismay a View of
the Grand Canal.) No—but, I say—

really, I can't- Here we have

Valentine at Venice. He has reached
that beautiful city,—well called the
Queen of the Adriatic,—at last! He
contemplates it from his gondola, and
yet he has no heart just now to take
in all the beauty of the scene. He
feels that he is still no nearer to
finding Orson than before. (The
Young Heckler. "Naw moor be we,
Zur. We ain't zeed nayther on 'em
zo fur ! " Tumult, and a general
demand for the instant production of
Orson or Valentine.) Now, children,
children ! this is very irregular. You
must allow me to tell this story my
own way. You will see them both
in good time, if you only keep still!
(To Ass.) I can't stand this anymore.
Valentine and Orson must be under- The YouEg Heckler,

neath the rest. Find them, and shove them in quick. Never mind
the numbering! (The screen remains blank while the Assistant
fumbles.) Well, have you got them ?

The Assistant. No, Sir; I'm rather afraid they ain't here. Fact
is, they've sent me out with the wrong set o' slides. This ain't
Valentine and Orson—it's a miscellaneous lot, Sir !

[ Collapse of Curate as Scene closes in.

THE MIXTURE AS BEFORE.

(By an Impatient—Influenza—Patient.)

I bust suppose the Doctor dose,

(I do not bead a pud I) [grows !
What ails be; but that aidlbelt

This Subber brigs do sud. [bad,
Subtibes the east wids blow like

Subtibes code showers pour,
But daily cubs that doctor's lad,—

" The Bixture as Before! "

The Idfluedza I have got,

Or I ibadgid so • [hot,
Subtibes I'b cold, subtibes I'b

I cough, I sdeeze, I blow, [well,
But Gladstud's better, Sbith is

I do dot bend. 0 lor!— [bell •
There's that codfouded kitchid

"The Bixture as Before! "

I've had at least a budth of it,
Sidtz I was first struck dowd,

Yet here id slippered feet I sit!
By daily half-a-crowd—

For bedsud taxes by poor purse.

It is ad awfud bore.
This bedsud bakid be feel worse—

"The Bixture as Before!"

I 'b odly a poor City clerk.

Quidide is bodstrous dear ;
By doctor treats it as a lark,

Ad tries by bide to cheer.
But if by situashud goes,

I'bruid—ad two score! [dose—
What cad avail the Doctor's

"The Bixture as Before"?

It bay be Bierobes, as they say,

This Idfluedza pest; [ad pay !
What batters ? I bust cough—

The Doctor orders " Rest" I
Bierobes be blowed, ad Rest go hag!

I '11 stad this thig do bore !
Baby ! was that the door-bell rag ?

—" The Bixture as Before" !

voi, c. a a.