Punch (100.1891)

February 14, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

73

MODERN TYPES.

(By Mr. Punch's Own Type Writer.)
No. XXIII.—THE TOLERATED HUSBAND.

It is customary for the self-righteous moralists who puff them-
selves into a state of Jingo complacency over the failings of foreign
nations, to declare with considerable unction that the domestic

upon, and his motives readily inferred. It can be none other than
the husband's rich bachelor friend, the same who accompanies the
pair on all their expeditions, who is a constant guest at their
house, and is .known to be both lavish and determined in the
prosecution of any object on which he has set his heart. His
heart, in this instance, is set upon his friend's wife, and the
obstacles in his way do not seem to be very formidable. The ease,
indeed, is soon too manifest for any one but a born idiot to feign

hearth, which every Frenchman habitually tramples upon, is main- i ignorance of it. The husband is not a born idiot—he either sees it

tained in unviolated purity in every British household. The rude
shocks which Mr. Justice Butt occasionally administers to the
national conscience are readily forgotten, and the chorus of patriotic
adulation is stimulated by the visits which the British censor finds
it necessary to pay (in mufti) to the courts of wickedness in con-
tinental capitals. It may be that among our unimaginative race
the lack of virtue is not presented in the gaudy trappings that
delight our neighbours. Our wickedness is coarser and less attractive.
It gutters like a cheap candle when contrasted with the steady
brilliancy of the Parisian article. Public opinion, too, holds amongst
us a more formidable lash, and wields it with a sterner and more
frequent severity. But it is impossible to deny that our society,
however strict its professed code may be, can and does produce
examples of those lapses from propriety which the superficial public
deems to be typically and exclusively continental. Not only are they
produced, but their* production and their continuance are tolerated
by a certain class, possibly limited, but certainly influential

plainly, or (it may be, after a struggle) he looks another way, and
resigns himself to the inevitable. For inevitable it is, if he is to
continue in that life of indolence and extravagant comfort which
habit has made a necessity for him. So he submits to the constant
companionship of a third party, and, in order to be truly tolerated
in his own household, becomes tolerant in a manner that is almost
sublime. He allows his friend to help him with large subventions
of money ; he lets him cover his wife with costly jewels. He is
content to be supplanted without fuss, provided the supplanter never
decreases the stream of his benevolence ; and the supplanter, having
more wealth than he knows what to do with, is quite content to
secure his object on such extremely easy terms. And thus the
Tolerated Husband is created.

It is curious to notice how cheerfully, to all outward appearance,
he accepts what other men would consider a disaster. Before the
world he carries his head high with an assumption of genial frank-
ness and easy good temper. " Come and dine with us to-morrow,

Amongst these examples, both of lapse and my boy," he will say to an old acquaintance,

of toleration, the Tolerated Husband holds a ^^S^-^. "there'll only be yourself and a couple of

foremost place. Certain conditions are necessary 4&/ii~'^>^\ others besides ourselves. "We'll go to the play

for his proper production. He must be not only ML ^L. afterwards." And the acquaintance will most

easy-going, but unprincipled,—unprincipled, certainly discover, if he accepts the invitation,

that is, rather in the sense of having no particular ^^^.^'^S^ \k *hat ^e " ourse"-ve8 " included not only husband

principles of any kind than in that of possessing relfl^ fH j|>) an(^ "wife, but friend as well. He will also

and practising notoriously bad ones. He must Js^v^W W^~> notice that the last is even more at home in

have a fine contempt for steady respectability, ^lllS&^^^^:vv 3 ^he h°U8e> an^ speaks in a tone of greater

and an irresistible inclination to that glittering \ M^M^£>*. v--" authority than the apparent host. Everything

style of untrammelled life which is believed by <•> y^lP^^Kgife- V . is referred to him for decision, and the master

those who live it to be the true Bohemianism. M&/''~ C'-x|K^A'\ of the house treats him with a deferential hu-

He should be weak in character, he may be gm-,. ^^^%\ '". • mility which goes far to contradict the cynical

pleasant in manner and appearance, and he "^'fflm-'// " \ '■ '■ observation that there is no gratitude on earth,

must be both poor and extravagant. If to these - '• ,J "Uj The Tolerated Husband, indeed, never tire3 of

qualities be added, first a wife, young, good- ' .'s '.■%, VWy' J/ W&% dispensing hospitality at the cost of his friend,

looking, and in most respects similar to her m^^L'.- --^ - '•--•§ -^v ' and thoueh the whole world knows the case,

husband, though of a stronger will, and secondly ^%7^^f1 ' ife-"'^;/^ fe? there will never be a lack of guests* to accept

a friend, rich, determined, strictly unprincipled, '^^W^ W^^-j^ what is offered.

and thoroughly unscrupulous, the conditions v)""?^i_:'y /y&jg&ls?/ At last, however, in spite of his toleration, he

which produce the Tolerated Husband may.be ' ' srs^> becomes an encumbrance in his own house,

said to be complete. and, like most encumbrances, he has to be

The Tolerated Husband may have been at one time an officer in a
good regiment. Having married, he finds that his pay, combined
with a moderate private income, and a generous allowance of in-
debtedness, due to the gratification of expensive tastes, is insufficient
to maintain him in that position of comfort to which he conceives
himself to be entitled. He therefore abandons the career of arms, and
becomes one of those who attempt spasmodically to redeem com-
mercial professions from the taint of mere commercialism by
becoming commercial themselves. It is certain that the gilded
society which turns up a moderately aristocratic nose at trade and
tradesmen, looks with complete indulgence upon an ex-officer who
dabbles in wine, or associates himself with a new scheme for the
easy manufacture of working-men's boots. An agency to a Fire and
Life Assurance Society is, of course, above reproach, and the Stock
Exchange, an institution which, in the imagination of reckless fools,
provides as large a cover as charity, is positively enviable—a repu-
tation which it owes to the fancied ease with which half-a-crown is
converted into one hundred thousand pounds by the mere stroke of
an office pen.

The Tolerated Husband tries all these methods, one after
another, with a painful monotony of failure in each. Yet, some-
how or other, he still keeps up appearances, and manages to live
in a certain style not far removed from luxury. He entertains
his friends at elaborate dinners, both at home and at expensive
restaurants ; he is a frequent visitor at theatres, where he often
pays for the stalls of many others as well as for bis own. He
takes a small house in the country, and fills it with guests, to
whom he offers admirable wines, and excellent cigars. His wife is
always beautifully dressed, and glitters with an array of jewels
which make her the envy of many a fsteady leader of fashion.
The world begins to ask, vaguely at first, but with a constantly
increasing persistence, how the thing is done. Respectability and
malice combine to whisper a truthful answer. Starting from the
axiom that the precarious income which is produced by a want of
success in _ many branches of business cannot support luxury or
purchase diamonds, they arrive, per saltum, at the conclusion that
there must be some third party to provide the wife and the hus-
band with means for their existence. His name is soon fixed

vol. c. H

paid off, the friend providing the requisite annual income. One
after another he puts off the last remaining rags of his pretended
self-respect. He haunts his Clubs less and less frequently, and
seems to wither under the open dislike of those who are repelled by
the mean and sordid details of his despicable story. And thus he
drags on his life, a degraded and comparatively impoverished outcast,
untidy, haggard and shunned, having forfeited by the restriction of
his spending powers even the good-natured contempt of those who
were not too proud to be at one time mistaken for his friends.

LABOURS FOR LENT.

Emperor of Germany.—To conciliate the great men who have had
to prefix " Ex " to their official titles since he ascended the Throne.

Emperor of Russia. — To find a resting-place safe from the
Nihilists.

King of Italy—To do without Cbjspi, and the Triple Alliance.
The Emperor of Austria.—To master the subject of Home Rule as
applied to Austria, Hungary, and the Bulgarian Nationalities.

King of Portugal.—To settle the Map of Africa with Lord Salis-
bury.

The President of the French Republic.—To adapt Thermidor for
the German stage.

The President of the American Republic.—To bless the McKinlev
Tariff.

The Marquis of Salisbury.—To consider with his son and heir the
Rnman Catholic Disabilities Removal Bill.
Mr. W. H. Smith.—To renew his stock of Copy-book proverbs,
Mr. Gladstone.—To compile and annotate a new volume of Glean-
ings, containing the Quarterly Article on "Vaticanism," and the
speech in support of the Ripon-plus-Russell Relief Bill.

Mr. Goschen.—To divide the coming Surplus to everyone's
satisfaction.

Mr. Balfour.—To learn to love both wings of the Irish Party.
Mr. Justin McCarthy.—To discover his exact positiorj.
Mr. S. B. Bancroft.—To regard with satisfaction his gift to
General Dealer Booth.