Punch (100.1891)

June 13, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

277

' Gentlemen, I am very mnch obliged for your kind reception this
VOCES POPULI. , evening, but having been lately laid np with a bad cold, and almost

AT A MUSIC HALL. entirely lost my vice, and being still a little 'orse, I feel compelled

. , . [to ask your kind acceptance of a few 'ornpipe steps, after which I

Scene—The Auditorium of a Music Hall, the patrons of which are ' >ope to remain, Ladies and Gentlemen, always your obedient 'umble
respectable, but in no sense' smart. The occupants of the servant to command—Flobbie For jambe !

higher-priced seats appear to have dropped in less for the [ Tumultuous applause, and hornpipe,

purpose of enjoying the entertainment than of discussing their Chairman. Professor Boodler, the renowned Imitator of Birds,
private affairs—though this does not prevent them from applaud- \ appear next!

ing everything with generous impartiality. 77^ professor (on Stage). Ladies and Gentlemen, I shall com-

The Chairman. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Celebrated Character- ; mence by an attempt to give you an imitation of that popular and
Daettists and Variety Artistes, the Sisters Silvebtwang, will appear ! favourite songster, the Thrush—better known to some of you, I
next! ' daresay, as the Throstle, or Mavis! (He gives the Thrush—ichich

[They do ; They have just sung a duet in praise of Nature with \ somehow doesn't " go") I shall next endeavour to represent that
an interspersed step-dance. " Oh, 1 love to ''ear the echo i celebrated and tuneful singing-bird—the Sky-lark. (He does it,
on the Moun-ting /" (Tiddity-iddity-iddity-iddity-um!) I but the Lark doesn't quite come off.) I shall next try to give you
" And to listen to the tinkle of'the Foun-ting.'" (Tiddity, §c.) j those two sweet singers, the Male and Female Canary—the gentle-
A White-capped Attendant (taking advantage of a pause, plain- man in the stalls with the yellow 'air will represent the female bird
tively). Sengwidges, too-pence! on this occasion, he mnst not be offended, for it is a 'igh compliment

Voluble Lady in the Shilling Stalls (telling her Male Companion an I am paying him, a harmless professional joke. (The Canaries
interminable story with an evasive point). No, but you 'ear what I'm 1 obtain but tepid acknowledgments.) I shall now conclude my illus-
going to tell you, because I'm coming to it presently. I can't trations of bird-life with my celebrated imitation of a waiter drawing
remember his name at this moment—something like Budkin, but the cork from a bottle of gingerbeer, and drinking it afterwards,
it wasn't that, somewhere near Bond Street, he is, or a street off there ; j [Does so ; rouses the audience to frantic enthusiasm, and retires
a Scotchman, but that doesn't matter! (Here she breaks off to hum after triple re-call.

the Chorus of" Good Ole Mother-in- i s—rrfl -^he Voluble Lady in the Shilling

Law!" which is being sung on the !Jf*\ f;\' ll r^~ \ mill Stalls (during the performance of a

stage.) Well, let me see—what was I I AlA Ct 1 /"~\ Wlf Thrilling Melodramatic Sketch). I've

telling you? Wait a minute, excuse f\ 'i4l'4w\ \\\ will nothing to say against her 'usban', a

me, oh, yes,—well, there was this < v \ ; 1 '-iM \\ 6 quiet, respectable man, and always

picture, — mind you, it's a lovely ; . v >\|u|||MM^ ^ / treated we as a lady, with grey whis-

painting, but the frame simply nothing, ^J§K w^^-* ^vW1*^ kers — but that 's neither here nor

not that I goby frames, myself, o' \p ^ ' tl >\l '^^^^^S^^^W^^^^^^^ there—and I speak of parties as I find

course not, but I fetched it down to . ''^^{^^^^^^^^■■■i^^^^>' them—well. That was a Thursday,

show him — oh, I know what yoii'll Wi^y^F1 yfr' "1 J''/ On the Saturday there came a knock

say, but he must know something ^^m^^^^"p~s-''■' x,?'M-<%^ at my door, and I answered it, and

about such things; he knew my uncle, "y . '-^3jt^$ijfr' ^T*l^^ there was she, saying, as cool as you

and I can tell you what he is—he's a \\'<^^^«(Yjj^^|||^H^tv^ . ffbtoB^- please- (Heroine on Stage. "Ah,

florist, and married nineteen years, \ |'vi.ti j^f@^TOw ' no, no—you would not ruin me ? You

and his wife 's forty—years older than . *'^] y^l;^»mB| rafjflBjr*^^ will not tell my husband?") So I

me, but I've scarcely spoke to her, \ ^■'I^^^P^X^mS^ ^^j^c!t told her. "I'm very sorry," I says,

and no children, so' I fetched it to show '' \v i\||p$s" -'- * \ "but I can't lend that frying-pan to

him, and as soon as he set eyes on it, • • , ' ft; .u A nobody." So I got up. Two hours

he says- (Female " Character- ... ' /;' g^; 'ct$:J h\ • \\ after, as I was going downstairs, she

Comic" on Stage, lugubriously. " Ri- J^^^CmM ' -: uV\\ come out of her room, and says,—

tolderiddle, ol deray. ritolderiddle, ''^--^MMW- \ -1 H '''^^m'iiml IV- v "'Alio, Rose, 'ow are yer?" as if

olde-rwrfo") I can't tell you how 3^Mw§ * - ^ '"l VS3 nothing had 'appened. " Oh, jolly,"

old it is, but 'undreds of years, and ^rmjjs^ £yW^?z^ffi'^Wft LI'Wti" V I says, or somethink o' that sort—I

Chinese, I shouldn't wonder, but we -~"' ''cj^f^t"^^^^^'^.dl£ ''■ $ 11' ' - wasn't going to take no notice of her—

can't trace its 'istry— that's what he ffito^''r^£ " 0¥f^^y^^ A~7. and she says, " Going out ?" like that,

said, and if he don't know, nobody ' Jf W IJLJ \ M ZJ) I says, "Oh, yes; nothing to stay in

does, for it stands to reason he must I'M--- J-jm ■'' W -> M for," I says, careless-like ; so Mrs.

be a judge, though nothing to me,— f -y-^/'M^ .;; f.f^v.-f/lf^,J^- m ^ Pjpeb, she never said nothing, and i"

when I say nothing, I mean all I cf ; '■ t^^^P^^' '/iJm^~^^M/' didn't say nothing ; and so it went on

know of him is that he used to be- /?^^^^=2r^^T"'^^^^^^s-ifs~ir . till Monday—well ! Her 'usban' met

(Tenor Vocalist on Stage. " My Sweet- / jr//? / / / // / ! ,1 I me in the passage, and he said to me—

heart when a Bo-oy ! ") I always like / / / / good-tempered and civil enough, I must

that song, don't you? Well, and this is what I was wanting
tell you, she got to know what I'd done—how is more'n I can tell
you, but she did, and she come straight in to where I was, and I see
in a minute she'd been drinking, for drink she does, from morning
to night, but I don't mind that, and her bonnet all on the back of

her head, and her voice that'usky, she- (Tenor. "She sang a

Song of Home Sweet Home—a song that reached my heart! ") And
I couldn't be expected to put up with that, you know, butd haven't
'alf told you yet— well, &c, &c.

In the Resebved^Staxls.

First Professional Lady, " resting" to Second Ditto (as Miss
Flobbie Foljambe appears on Stage). New dresses, to-night.

Second Ditto. Yes. (Inspects Miss F.'s costume.) Something
wrong with that boy's dress in front, though, cut too low. Is that
silver bullion it's trimmed with ? That silver stuff they put on my
pantomime- dress has turned quite yellow!

First Ditto. It will sometimes. Did you know any of the critics
when you were down at Slagtown for the Panto ?

Second Ditto. I knew the Grimeshire Mercury, and he said most
awfully rude things about me in his paper. I was rather rude to
him at rehearsal, but we made it up afterwards. You know Lilt's
mamed, dear ?

First Ditto. What—Lilt ? You don't mean it!

Second Ditto. Oh, yes, she is, though. She went out to Buenos
Ayres, and the other day she was taken in to dinner by the Bishop
of the Friendly Islands.

Fir it Ditto. A Bishop ? Fancy ! That is getting on, isn't it ?

Miss Foljambe (on Stage, acknowledging an encore). Ladies and

vol, c. b b

&ay—he said- ( Villain on Stage. " Curse you I I've had enough of

this fooling ! Give me money, or I '11 twist your neck, and fling you
into yonder mill-dam, to drown ! ") So o' course I'd no objection to
that; and all she wanted, in the way of eatables and drink, she ''ad
—no, let me finish my story first. Well, just fancy 'er now ! She
asked me to step in; and she says, " Ow are you ? " and was very
nice, and I never said a word—not wishing to bring up the past, and
—I didn't tell you this—they'd a kind of old easy chair in the room

—and the only remark / made, not meaning anythink, was-

(Hero on Stage. "You infernal, black-hearted scoundrel! this is
your work, is it ? ") Well, I couldn't ha' put it more pleasant than
that, could I? and old Mr. Fitein, as was settin' on it, he says to

me, he says- (Hero. " Courage, my darling! You shall not

perish if my strong arms can save you. Heaven help me to rescue
the woman I love better than my life I") but he's 'alf silly, so I
took no partickler notice of 'i'm_, when, what did that woman do,

after stoopin' to me, as she 'as, times without number—but-Oh,

is the play over ? Well, as I was saying—oh, Fm ready to go if
you are, and I can tell you the rest walking home.

[Ex-it, h aving thoroughly enjoyed her evening.

To Rose Norreys as " Nora."

Deab Rose, in your way, you 're as brimful of Art
As a picture by Reynolds, a statue by Gibson ;

And we '11 never cut you, though we don't like your part,
Pretty Rose, in A DolFs House, as written by Ibsen;.

Yet we crowd on your track, as the hounds on the quarry's,

And, though carpiDg at Nora, delight in our Nobbets.