Punch (100.1891)

30 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAPJ. [Jwaix 17 isoi.

WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP W.TH.

(hir Artist. "Well, how do you like the Portraits, Miss Bunny? The Sitters are all Old Friends of yours, I believe?"
Miss Bunny {triumphantly). "Yes; and, only think, I 'vb actually managed to Guess them all! "

ARBITRATION.

Seal, suddenly emerging, loquitur :—

Belay, you two lubbers, avast there! avast there I

Whit signifies squalling and squabbling ?
You're both argufying a good bit too fast there,

Whilst that which you stand on seems wobbling.
You'll be in a mess, Messmates, shortly, the pair of you.

Give me a thought in the matter !
My interest's at stake, and it isn't quite fair of you

Me to ignore 'midst your clatter.

If 'twere not for me, Mates, this cold Behring's Sea, Mates,

Would hardly strike you as so tempting.
Do grant your poor prey, if I may make so free, Mates,

From slaughter some annual exempting!
I'm worried and walloped without intermission

Until even family duties
Quite fail, whilst your countrymen cudgel and fish on.

By Jingo, some of 'em are beauties I

My poor wife and children have not half a chance, Mates.

That's not to your interest, I reckon.
Cease shindy, and on a new course make advance, Mates,

Where sense and humanity beckon.
There's not much of either in cruelly clubbing

My progeny all out of season ;
And if you are bent upon mutual'drubbing,

You must quite have parted with reason.

Mare clausum, be bio wed! That's all Bl mite's big bow-wow,
Mates.

Men can't thus monopolise oceans.
Diplomacy must find a compromise now, Mates,

And, well—I have told you my notions.
Give me a close-time,—I shall be very grateful—

And leave the Sea open ! What more, Mates ?
For brothers like you to be huffing, is hateful.

Be friends, think of me, and—bong sioor, Mates !

[Dices under.

UP-TO-TIME TABLE, FROM THE NORTH.

Edinburgh
Waverley Station)
Carlisle

Hawick . . .
Galashiels . . .

Motherwell . . j

St. Margaret's Works
Perth

Glasgow . . .
Aberfeldy .
Dundee

Inverness . . .
Aberdeen . . .

Morning

Mineral

General

Fast.

and Pari.

Express.

7 a.m. to
9-30

11 a.m. A

Noon F

12 15



* • •

4 30

B



9 45



215 G

1 p.m.

)



(Stopped

\ 4 p.m. C

319 H

' by riot)

)



! 3-30

5 D



9-45 a.m.

• • >

11 26 I

12-30 p.m.

«. *



613





1 12 a.m.

3 a.m. to 9



9'23



3:5 J

11-6

7 p.m.? E

1 a m. K

Traflio and
Even. Mail.

9 p.m. L

1 a.m. M

3 20 N

O

A—Takes delayed pig-iron and third-class passengers. B—Half
of train stops here through breaking an axle-Din. C—Passengers,
for protection, get under seats of carriages. D —Stops for repairs.
E—Having had a collision at the junction for Aberfeldy, will come
on. if there are any passengers equal to finishing the journey.

F—Starts under the management of a Director^ and, owing to a
misunderstanding, dashes off to Aberdeen, without stopping.
G—Doesn't stop, but knocks over a station-master. H—Is pelted
as it tears through the station by ex-employes. I—Knocks oyer
another station-master. J—Meets a pilot-engine, which it splits
in half. K—Goes at full speed through the end of the terminus,
depositing the passengers in a heap in the middle of the town.

L—Train starts, made up of horse-boxes and luggage-vans full
of three weeks' arrears of parcels, first-class carriages, Post-office van,
fifty ooal-trucks, and a wild beast show, the Directors wishing to make
up for lost time. M—Train breaking down here, mail and passengers
only forwarded. N—Train attacked by rioters. Pitched battle with
the passengers. O—Telegram from Motherwell saying, that owing to
police intervention, train starts the day after to-morrow.