Punch (100.1891)

January 24, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 39

CANINE CONFIDENCES.

Clever Dog, to the Minister of Agriculture, loquitur :—

Potterer, put the muzzle on ! Potterer, take it off again !
That is not the way, my friend, cruel rabies to restrain.
Take my tip!

As to self-styled." friends of dogs," too preposterous by

half, >+:o*--
Who object to all restraint, they deserve on seat or calf
One sharp nip.

It is doggish interest hydrophobia to stamp out;

'Tis a curse to us canines ; that no person well can doubt

Who has sense.
They who think we doggies Bhare old maid's sentimental
fad,

Just as though it really were a dog's privilege to go mad,
Must be dense.

Muzzles are a bore, of course, rather troublesome at times,
But I'd rather have my nose made incapable of crimes,
Than go free,

With the chance of "going off," giving friend or foe a
bite. [sight,
And be clubbed to death or shot, murdered in my master's
Don't suit me I

Never mind the fussy frumps, the old women of each sex ;
Better raise their ready wrath than the prudent public vex

With crass rules.
Muzzles now and collars then, partial orders soon relaxed ;
Men rebel -when with caprice they are tied, or teased, or
taxed, Else they 're fools.

Keep the muzzles on a year, regularly, and all round,
Every doggy of high breed, mongrel puppy, whelp or

hound, Will give thanks

To the Minister who tries hydrophobia to stamp out
Once for all o'er all the land, -with consistency, and without
Pottering pranks!

Mr. Chaplin, take my tip! Science speaks in the same
sense,

So does true'philanthrony. Ought to have effect immense,
What they say. [ing pet;

Heed not that old woman there, with her spoilt and yelp-
I for every dog of tioux in the country fpeak, you bet.
Try ! Good-d&y!

[ Trots out, comfortably muzzled.

Most Appropriate.—We see, from some recently-
reported proceedings, that the present Inspector appointed
under the Infant Life Protection Act is " Mr. Babet."

THE SECRETS OF LITERARY COMPOSITION.

The Fair Authoress of "Passionate Pauline," gazing fondly at her own reflection,

writes as follows :—

" I look into the glass. Reader. What do I see ?

* I see a pair of laughing, espiegle, forget-me-not blue eyes, saucy and defiant ;
a mutme little rose-bud of a mouth, with its ever-mocking moue ; a tiny shell-like
ear. trying to play hide-and-seek in a tangled maze of rebellious russet gold ;
while, from underneath the satin folds of a rose-the dressing-gown, a dainty foot
peeps coyly forth in its exquisitely pointed gold morocco slipper,"' &c, &c.

(Vide "Passionate Pauline," by Parbleu.)

A COMING MEETING.

{Reported from the Railway Intelligence oj 1892.)

The Chairman, who on opening the proceedings was received with
a feeble chorus of melancholy groans, said that he feared he had no
better B,eport to make to the shareholders. (" Oh! oh ! ") It is true
that he had one fact to mention, which was a matter of supreme
congratulation, and he needn't say that that was that they hadn't
yielded a single inch to the men. ("OA / oh!" and a Voice,
" Oh ! we 're had enough of' that' ! ") It is also true that this firm
and unflinching front had necessitated some sacrifice, and had
involved the Company in no little difficulty. {Prolonged groans.)
He was sorry to note these manifestations, for he had not only to
announce to that meeting the non-payment of any dividend, even
to the holders of the Company's Debenture Stock, but he had further
to inform them, that, owing to some difficulty in settling the account
of their coal contractors, these last had taken proceedings against
them, and had seized not only all the contents of their refreshment-
rooms, but also the whole of their rolling-stock. {Prolonged wailing.)
He grieved to say that the last two engines that the Company
possessed, and which they had up to now hidden in the cloak-room
at the Edinburgh terminus, were unfortunately discovered and
seized last night. {Groans.) Still, the Company did not despair of
being able to carry on, at least, a portion of the Passenger Traffic.
{Feeble laughter.) They might meet the statement with a mani-
festation of ridicule—but such was the case. It was with a sense of
pride in their method of triumphing over difficulties, that he
announced to the meeting, that a train of cattle-trucks would be
started for the North daily at twelve o'clock, the motive power of
which would be the Directors themselves. (" Oh.' oh.'") They

could not say anything about the pace at which the train would
travel, but that, with time, it would do the distance he had little, if
any doubt. It is true that in a similar experiment on a neighbouring
line the train came to a dead halt in the first tunnel, and the pas-
sengers had to descend in the dark and grope their way out to the
nearest station as well as they could, but this unsatisf actoryexperience
would in no way deter them from making the experiment on their own
behalf. {Jeers.) He was sorry to see that the ordinary stock of the Com-
pany, which, a twelvemonth since, had touched 1281,—could not now
fiud purchasers in the Market at 7i. [Groans.) But he hoped for better
times. (" Oh! oh!") But, come what would, he would hold fast
by his principles, which were, "No Compromise, No Meeting Half-
way, No Arbitration, No Concession!" Men might starve, Trade
collapse, the Country come to ruin, the Company disappear in
Bankruptcy, but he cared not. The Directors had put their foot
down, and, whether right or wrong, whatever happened, there they
meant, with a good down-right national and pig-headed obstinacy,
to keep it.

The Chairman was continuing in this strain, but, being interrupted
by a shower of inkstands, was compelled to close his remarks, the
proceedings coming to a somewhat abrupt conclusion, in a scene of
considerable confusion.

The "Strait" Tip.

Oh, Mister Blaine, we don't complain
That for your country's weal you 're caring ;

But, clever Yankee, Punch would thank 'ee
Not to be quite so over-Behring !

New Version.—Every dog must have his—year (of muzzling).