Punch (100.1891)

52

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 31, 1891.

PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;

Or, The Dook, the Dancing Girl, and the Little Lame Buck.

"What is to be admired in Eneey Hatjthoe Jones is not so much
his work but his pluck,—for has he not, in the first place, overcome
the prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing Department, and,
in the second place, has he not introduced on the boards of the Hay-
market a good old-fashioned Melodrama, brought " up to date," and
disguised in a Comedy wrapper ? Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen,
and see The Dancing Girl, a Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or,
generically, a Play ? wherein the prominent figures are a wicked
Duke,—vice the "wicked Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the
ducal rank will suit us nowadays, bless you !—a Provincial Puritan
family, an honest bumpkin lover, a devil of a dancing woman who
lives a double-shuffling sort of life, an angel of a lame girl,—who, of
course, can't cut capers but goes in for coronets,—a sly, unprin-
cipled, and calculating kind of angel she is too, but an audience
that loves Melodrama is above indulging in uncharitable analysis of
motive,—a town swell in the country, a more or less unscrupulous
land-agent, and a genuine, honest " heavy father," of the ancient
type, with a good old-fashioned melodramatic father's curse ready
at the right moment, the last relic of a bygone period of the trans-
pontine Melodrama, which will bring tears to the eyes of many an
elderiyplaygoer on hearing the old familiar formula, in the old familiar
situation, reproduced on the stage of the modern Haymarket as if
through the medium of a phonophone.

At all events, Drusilla Ives, alias "the Dancing Girl"—though as to

i

Final Tableau, Act I.
" 0 does not a Meeting (House) like this make amends ? "
Ham Christison {Clown). " Olio ! Oh my ! I 'in a looking at yer

where she dances, how she dances, and when she dances, we are left
pretty well in the dark, as she only gives so slight a taste of her
quality that it seemed like a very amateurish imitation of Miss Kate
Vattghan in her best day,—Drusilla Ives is the mistress, neither pure
nor simple, of the Duke of Guisebury,—a title which is evidently
artfully intended by the, at present, "Only Jones" to be a com-
pound of the French " Guise " and the English " Bury,"—who from
his way of going on and playing old gooseberry with his property,
might have been thus styled with advantage : and so henceforth
let us think and speak of him as His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke
of Gooseberry.

This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite unbeknown,"—being, for
this occasion only, the Duke of Disguisebury,—his own property,
the Island of St. Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of
people the Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the
Dancing Quakeress (and how funny she used to be at the Music
Halls and at the Gaiety !), has sprung. For some reason or other, the
Dancing Quakeress has gone to stay a few weeks with her family in
the country, and while this hypocritical Daughter of Heeodias is
with her Quaker belongings at prayers in the Meeting House, the
spirit moveth her to come out, and to come out uncommonly strong,
as, within a yard or so of the building, she laughs and talks
loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a light-hearted way she
treats the Dook to some amateur imitations of Ellen Teebt,
finishing up with a reminiscence of Kate Vat/shan ; all of which
al fresco entertainment is given for the benefit of the afore-
said Gooseberry within sound of the sermon and within sight of
the Meeting House windows. Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover,
a kind of Ham Peggotty, lounges out of the Conventicle, which,
as these persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits
them, ought rather to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,—and, like the
clown that he is, says in effect, " I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught

yer at it! " _ Dismay of Dook and Dancer! ! then Curtain on a
most emphatically effective situation.

The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged, however,
by vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house where Miss

Two " Regular Dawgs " having a Ute-d-tvie.

Dancing Girl is openly living under the protection of Gooseberry, the
Duke's worthy Steward actually brings his virtuous and ingenuous
young daughter! If ever there were a pair of artful, contriving,
scheming humbugs, it is this worthy couple. Because the Duke
saved her from being run over by his own horses, therefore she con-
siders herself at liberty to limp after him, and round him, and about
him, on every possible occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to
him, to make love to him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage
as to spot him just as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which
operation, being preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical flavour
and considerable length, gives the lame girl a fair chance of hobbling
down the stairs and arresting the thus "spotted Nobleman's" arm
at the critical moment. Curtain, and a really fine dramatic situation.
" Which nobody can deny."

It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted melodramatic
curse is uncorked,
and a good impe- ^
rial quart of wrath S> |
is poured out on «SSB^!s
his dancing daugh-
ter's head by the
heavy father, who, in his
country suit, forces his way
into the gilded halls of the
Duke's mansion, past the
flunkeys, the head butler,
and all the rest of the usual
pampered menials. An au-
dience that can accept this
old-fashioned cheap-novel
kind of clap-trap, and wit-
ness, without surprise, the
marvellous departure of all
the guests, supperless, for
no assigned cause, or expli-
cable reason, not even an
alarm of fire having been
given, will swallow a con-
siderable amount.

The Fourth Act is an
anticlimax, and shows up AcT nj

the faulty construction of * ,

the drama. Of course the. P^taloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.

news comes that the Dancing Girl is dead, and this information
is brought by a Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of some Theatrical
Order (not admitted after half-past seven), whose very appear-
ance is a suggestio falsi. Equally, of course, a letter is found,
which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a Puritan
father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted Nobleman" ;
but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his landlord, and the
value of the property is going up considerably. Then it appears
that the old humbug of an agent has sagaciously speculated in
the improvement of the island, and poor Gooseberry feels under
such an obligation to that sly puss of an agent's daughter, that,
in a melancholy sort of way, he offers her his hand, which she,
the artful little* hussy of a Becky Sharp, with considerable affec-
tation of coyness, accepts, and down goes the Curtain upon as unsatis-
factory and commonplace a termination to a good Melodrama as any