Punch (100.1891)

January 31, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

59

A FREEZING POINT.

[By a Frozen-out Lover.)

They tell me thou art cold, my
sweet—

A fact that scarcely odd is.
Gales half so cruel never beat

Against poor human bodies.
Cupid's attire is far too light
To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.

How can a glow the soul entrance,
When frostbite nips the finger,

And blushes quit the countenance
To nigh the nostril linger !

Warmth were a miracle, in sight

And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.

Chill! chill to me, my Paradise ! !

I '11 not complain or curse on.
One cannot well be otherwise

To any mortal person.
Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight
Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.

Cold art thou ? Not so cold as I—
Nought living could be colder.

I 'm far too cold to sob or sigh,
Still less in passion smoulder.

I'm turning fast to something
quite

As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.

Information Required.—" Sir, I
see a Volume advertised entitled,
Umpoken Sermons. I should be
glad to know where these are
preached, as that's the place for
yours truly, One who Snores."

Nsw Book of Irish Life.— The
BedaoVs So?is. By the Author of the
tale of Indian Life, The £egu?n,s
Daughters.

THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.

These Gentljmen aee expected to be in a Judicial Frame of Mind after hanging about
the precincts of i he c >urt for several days, under penalty of a heavy flne, while their
Private Business in the City and elsewhere is going to the Dogs. (Why should not Half-pay
Officefs do the Wobk, and relieve Busy Men ?)

ESSENCE OF PAELIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Cominons, Thursday. January 22.—Both Houses met
to-day after Christmas Recess. No Queen's Speech ; no moving and

seconding of Address; no
Royal Commission and pro-
cession of Speaker to Lords.
All seems strange, and
spirits generally a little
depressed. Only Robert
Fowler rises superior to
circumstances of hour.
Blustering about the Lobby
"like Boreas," says Caus-
ton.

"Only not so rude," fays
Harry Lawson, jealous for
the reputation of Metropo-
litan Members, even though
some sit on the Benches
opposite. With folded hands
thrust behind coat - tails,
rollicking stride, thunderous
voice, and blooming coun-
tenance, Sir Robert posi-
tively pervades the Lobby.
Personally receives Pope
Hennessy ; shakes hands
with everybody ; and finally
halting for a moment under
the electric - lit archway
leading into House, presents
interesting and attractive
picture of the Glorified Al-
Emg Yah! Yah! derman.

Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. Lord
Advocate brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private legis-
lation ; the Scotch Members with one accord fall upon proposal, and

tear it to ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop off to Lords,
where spectacle is provided which beats the pantomimes into fits.
Two new Peers to take their seats ; procession formed in back room
outside; enters from below Bar. First comes Black Rod, with
nothing black about him ; then Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean
personage, fully five feet high, with a dangerous gleam in his eye, and
the Royal Arms of England quartered in scarlet and blue and gold on
his manly back. Behind, in red cloaks slashed with ermine, the new
Baron and his escort of two brother Peers. There being no room for
them to advance in due procession, they fall into single file, make
their way to the Woolsack, where sits that pink of chivalry, that
mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the Lord High
Chancellor.

New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to Lobd
Chancellor. L. C, coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly
takes roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up ; procession
bundles back to table ; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles
something from long document. New Peer writes his name in a
book (probably promising subscription towards expenses of perform-
ance.) Garter King-at-Aims getting to the front trots off with
comically short strides for so great a dignity ; New Peer and escort
follow, Black Rod solemnly bringing up rear. Garter King makes
for Cress Benches by the door ; passes along one, the rest following,
as if playing game of Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly
making off to the right, walks up Gangway to row of empty Benches.
Stops at the topmost row but one, and passes along. New Peer
wants to follow him. Garter King prods him in chest with small
stick, and tells him to go on to the Bench above. This he does, with
escort. Meanwhile, Black Ptod left out in the cold. Garter King
motions to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on their
cocked-hats ; counts ten ; nods to them ; they rise to feet, uplift
cocked-hats in direction of Lord Chancellor on Woolsack. He
raises his in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again. Garter
King counts ten; nods; up they get again, salute Lobd Chancellor ;
tit down once more. "One—two—three—four—ten," Garter King
mumbles to himself. Once more they rise; salute Lord Chan-
cellor ; then Garter King leading the way, they march back to
Woolsack.

Gaiter King now introduces new Member to Lord Chancellor.
L. C. starts as if he had never seen him before; then extends right