Punch: Punch (100.1891)

February U, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

THE OYSTERS AT WHITSTABLE FROZEN IN" THEIR BEDS

(See Daily Papers.)

THE OLD WOMAN AND HER WATER SUPPLY.

(An Old Nursery Rhyme with a new burden.)

There was an old Woman, as I've heard say,
The frost froze her water-pipes fast one day ;
The frost froze her water-pipes fast at first,
Till a thaw came at last, and the water-pipes burst.
By came the Company, greedy of gain,
And it cut her water all off at the main,
It cut her water off sharp, if you please.
Though it wasn't her fault that the pipes began to freeze.
It wasn't her fault that the water-pipes burst.
So she had no water for cleansing or thirst,
She had no water, arid she began to cry,
" Oh, what a cruel buzzum has a Water Company '
But I '11 repair the pipes, since so it must be,
And the plumber, I'm aware, will make pickings out
of me.

If there's a frost I've no water for my pail,
And if there's a thaw then the rate-collectors rail."
On Law the old Woman is entirely in the dark ;
There seems no one to save her from the fresh-water
shark ;

The shark does what he likes, and she can only cry,
" Who'll help a poor old Woman 'gainst the Water
Company ?"

MOI-MEM.

" Moi-Meme," in the course of his pleasant Worldly
wanderings among things in general, observes, apropos
of the younger Coquelin's suggestion abiiut lectures by
professors of the Dramatic Art to youthful students,
" One can scarcely fancy a more humorous sight than Mr.
Toole giving a professional lecture to dramatic aspirants,
telling them when to wink, when to wheeze, when to
' 'scuse his glove,' " &c. Now it so happens that when
this same idea was first started—or perhaps revived—
some eleven years ago, Professor Toole's Lecture to
Students of the Dramatic Art was given in Mr. Punch's
pages. The lecture, one of a series supposed to he given
by various actors, will be found in Vol. LXXVLIL,
page 93. It appeared en the 28th of February, 1880.

Note by a Nornad.

Smith, of Coalville, imagines that Civilised Man
Falls too much to the rear if he lives in a Yan;
But Caravan-dwellers, with force and urbanity,
Declare that Smith's views of Yan life are pure vanity!

THE HIGHEST EDUCATION;

Or, ivhat is looming a-hcad.

A Deputation on behalf of the Exasperated Ratepayers' Associa-
tion waited yesterday afternoon on the Chairman of the London
School Board at their new and commodious palatial premises erected
on the vast central site recently cleared, regardless of expense, for
that purpose in Piccadilly, and presented a further protest against
the ever-increasing expenditure indulged in by that body. The
Chairman, smilingly intimating that he would bear what the Depu-
tation had to say, though he added, amidst the ill-suppressed merri-
ment of his confreres, he supposed it was the old sing-song protest,
possibly on this occasion because they had recently directed that the
boys attending the schools of the Board should come in "Eton"
suits, the cost of which naturally fell upon the rates, or' some
captious objection of that kind, which it really was a waste of
breath to discuss. However, whatever it was, he added, he was
willing to hear it.

The Spokesman of the Deputation, a Duke in reduced circumstances,
who ascribed his ruin to the heavy rates he had been'called upon to
pay through the extravaganoe of the Board, and who declined to give
his name, said that though they had not thought the Eton suits a
necessity, still it was not againstthem that they had to protest. It
was the addition of Astronomy involving the erection (with fitting
first-class instruments) of 341 observatories in the London district
alone, Chinese, taught by 500 native Professors imported from Pekin
for the purpose, horse-riding, yachting, and the church organ (these
last two being compulsory), together with the use of the tricycle,
type-writer,1 and phonograph, all of which instruments were provided
for every single pupil at the expense of the ratepayers, to the curri-
culum of all those pupils who were fitted for the third standard. The
speaker said he knew that it had long been settled that the finest and
most comprehensive education that our advanced civilisation could

supply should be provided for the submerged half of the population,
and they could not grumble at these things, but what they did not
consider necessary was, that a salary should be forthcoming for
each pupil-teacher sufficient to enable him or her to drive down
to the schools in their own carriage and pair. (Much laughter.)
He did not think it a lauehing matter. He would strongly suggest
a diminution of at least £1000 a-year in the salaries of these over-
paid officials.

The Chairman here asked the speaker if he had considered that
"descending" from a carriage was necessarily connected with the
teaching of Deportment, on which the Board set great value ? Was
he not aware that some great man had said, wishing to give Deport-
ment its proper weight as an educational factor, that the Battle of
Waterloo (at least he thought he was quoting correctly) was won at
Almacks ? (Renewed laughter.) Anyhow, he did not consider that
£2,500 a-year, and a house in May fair, was at all an excessive remu-
neration for a School-Board teacher, as measured by the Board's
standard. He thought, if that was all the Deputation had to urge,
that they might have saved themselves the trouble their protest had
cost them.

The Spokesman having for a few moments consulted with his
colleagues, hereupon turned to the Chairman, and delivering with
fearful emphasis the customary curse on the School Board, its
Chairman, and all its belongings, at the same time thanking the
Chairman for his courteous reception of the Deputation, silently
and sulkily withdrew._

Detjbiolantjs and Dancing.—The Fancy Dress Ball—not a " Ball
Marsky"—at Covent Garden, last Tuesday week, was a great
success, on which Dbitriolantjs Foetunatus is hereby congratu-
lated. There is to be a similar festivity, to celebrate Mi- Care me.
Quite appropriate this date, when the season is half Lent, and the
costumes almost all borrowed.