Punch: Punch (100.1891)

February 28, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 99

THE BRUM AND THE OGLOCIST. . .' ; \ * MRS. GRUNDY TO MR. G03CHEN.

[Mr. W. Jambs asked the Lord ; #' dllPHHH^fl^^ '' ■ ! The Three per Cents, the Three
Advocate wr.e'her h:; per Cents
been called to a circular, if sued frcm y - J> ^^^y^^^-^^I^^Jw^ ' v„+ l' i i ti
Birmingham by the Naturalists' Pub- ' j&f ' J9$#5- . Serene hut mortal Throe
lishing Company, inviting applica- , lfp-' ' ^ ' i In view of recent sad events,
tions for ehareB in "An Oological L ^ ;> ' utl! give them back to me.
Expedition to the land of the Great F - flf- * '' - ^ -7 ' Oh! GosCHEN, Sir, kind gentle-
Auk," meaning the Shetland Isles, I x '/W^^ e dfHi^'^^fc >l man,
and stating that, '-if the season is a / ; >; WSfflSMt^Mi Hear my polite laments ;
pretty fair one, a haul of at least MMmm fm^^^^MKKm^&K^^^^^mBSm^-j Restore this trio, if you can—
twenry thousand eggs" of rare sea- W *■/.< - Jgf y^^^^^Xm WmgHM^ > 4gMB^>J'Those musical Per Cents,
birds might be expected.—Baxly •/^^MMWirr s^W^^^^M^il3BBfl^m'y '

Paper.'] WWuA-W -^\WK ' £ '^$!£BSB^' - ' My income once was safe, if small;

The '' Brum " and the Oologist ' \ W^^^^MZ^^^B^^^K^^S^^^^A n U -I ^f' bu-* nn?aid'

Were walking hand in hand ; W^KB^k 'M ■ 'WBEMmmM JSH&Z' ' W i the quite phenomenal

They grinned to see so many birds r^SmmMj J^W^^^m^^K^mkW/ .D^opment of Trade.''

On cliff, and rock, and sand. ^IB^K/M^WHBW ThAe /°^s ^ 18 0.nfh« trfc^

"If we could only get their eggs," Kfi^fflHW And queer Financial Gents "

Said they, " it would he grand." f /;^^^»^^^^^^^H^^^^^P Have me m wblte and

" If we should start a Company Their Six and Ten per Cents.

To gather eggs all day, jj^^l^^l^^M^^BH^Hii^^^M The Three per Cents were regular,

Do you suppose, the former said J| j .^^^HfflH^^Hj Respectable, and good, [par "

That we could make it pay ' ^-: ^^^^^KK^^^^mKtKM Their health was such that "under

We might," said the Oologist, ^^^^H^^^HHI^^^^^HHII The? seldom sto0(l ! [rash-

On the promoting lay!" ^^^^^^^m^^SBKKm^^^M^m They needed no "conversion"

" Then you've a tongue, and I a f^^^^^^/i^^^W^^^^Ur'"^M^^^^mi^^m-- Like Darker Continents

ship, 'wW^Mm^^MB^I^^^^^IBBKi ' " ^mtSS^mSBSSSS^\ ^ sort °*' Sunday turned to cash

Likewise some roomy kegs ; '^^^^^sMm^^^^^^^S^^''^^S^^^S^^^\ They were> mY Three per Cents.

And you might lead the birds a -^^BlH^^^^^^^^Hi^BfH^^^ A. distant river somewhere roUs,
t- JtCG i i f'W^ HBMMBI^Mi^^imPJ The wicked River Plate;

L pon their ug y legs ; ^/WmH^S^mm^^^^^ WmmBBBm l>n its there flourish souls

A nd, when you ve got them out I 'MBBI^Mli^M §1^^^^^ Perverse and reprobate.

t mi °i S1f Bl'• -li ^^^i^^^^^^H?' Ah, send your missionaries ;!Aere

I 11 steal their blooming eggs." f^^^k f^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l « baply it repents,

" Oh, Sea-birds," said the Mid- ^^^RjHHHB^^^^^^^^H ^^^^^^^mi 1 'li no^ surrender Eaton Square

land man, ^^^^V-WB^^^S^Z^^^^^^^^^^^^^^&.(' 01 rey s Wlld or Ivent'Sl

P.'wVakeapleaSantWa?!q 1 ^^HHW^^M^W Not I alone ; the best that breathe,
^^yS-^A^ "^^^^k^m^^^^^^MA Archbishop, Duke, and Lord,

And you might possibly enjoy
A scientific talk."

The skuas and the cormorants,

And all the puffin clan,
The stormy petrels, gulls, and
terns,

They hopped, and skipped, and
ran

With very injudicious speed

Your bust with chaplets rare will
wreathe,
This boon if you '11 accord.
How can we by example shame
The mob who mock at rents,
If we are left to do the same
TOUCHING CONFIDENCE IN THE FCG. Without our Three per Cents ?

Gentleman of Engaging Manners, "Bless your 'eart, you'll be

hall right along o' ME, mum ! let me kerry the little Bag

To join that oily man. | TOR Y0Tr. MpM 1 '

"The time has come," remarked the Brum,

" For ' talking without tears '
Of birds unhappily extinct,

Yet known in former years ;
And how much cash an egg will fetch

In Naturalistic spheres."

" But not our eggs ! " replied the birds,

Feeling a little hot.
"You surely would not rob our nests

After this pleasant trot ? "
The Midland man said nothing but,—

" I guess he's cleared the lot I "

" Well! " said that bland Oologist,

" We've had a lot of fun.
Next year, perhaps, these Shetland birds

We '11 visit—with a gun;
When—as we've taken all their eggs —

There '11 probably be none ! "

Queer Queries.

Divorce Facilities.—I should like to be
informed in what part of the United States
it is that a Divorce is granted in half-an-
hour, at a merely nominal fee, on the ground
of conscientious objections to monogamy ?
What is the cost of getting there, and would
it be necessary that my wife should go there
too ?_ There might be a difficulty in per-
suading her to take the journey.

Ikcoitpatibility.

A CANADIAN CALENDAR.

{To be hoped not Prophetic.)

1892. Reciprocity firmly established be-
tween the Dominion and the U.S.A.

1893. Emigration ceases between the Do-
minion and the Mother Country, and trade
dies out.

1894. Return from Canada of families of
tb.8 best blood to England and France.

1895. Great increase of the Savage Indian
Tribes in the country, and the Improvident
Irish Population in the towns of the Dominion.

1896. Practical suspension of trade be-
tween the Dominion and the U.S A., the
latter having now attained the desired object
of shutting out goods of British manufacture
from the American market.

1897. England refuses to assist Canada in
resenting Yankee encroachment in the seal
fisheries.

1898. Canada asks to be annexed to the
U.S.A.

1899. After some hesitation Uncle Sam
consents to absorb the Dominion.

1900. Canada becomes a tenth-rate Yankee
State. • -

the dictum oe diogenes.

" One Man, One Vote !' A very proper plan
If you with each One Vote can find—One
Man !

Reft of a carriage, life is poor :

A well-conducted set
Needs ready money to procure
Their butler and Debrttt.
The country totters to its fall,

Disgraced to all intents,
Unless you instantly recall
Our solid Three per Cents.

THE FLOWERLESS FUNERAL.

(By a Flower Merchant.)

Funeral Reform ? Oh ! just a fad,—
Its advocates, in fact, as bad

As those who want Cremation.
A set of foolish, fussy fools
Whose misplaced ardour nothing cools—

A nuisance to the nation !

Economy, they 're all agreed,
Should be with them a cult and creed,

Simplicity a passion.
They'd quickly wreck this trade of ours,
Since they would scorn the use of flowers,

If they could set the fashion I

Yes ; parsons agitate, but these
Good gentlemen all take their fees —

We thank them much for giving
Such good advice upon this head,
But recollect that from the dead.

We've got to get our living !

Chorus of the Objectors to the Proposed
Lord's Tunnel Railway.—" Watkin the
matter be!"