Punch: Punch (100.1891)

February 28, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVABJ.

107

MR. PUNCH TO MISS CANADA.

Oh, Canada, dear Canada, we shall not discombobulate

Ourselves concerning Jonathan. 'Tis true he tried to rob you late

(That is if Tar iff-diddling may be qualified as robbery),

But Bull has learned the wisdom of not kicking up a bobbery.

No, Canada, we love you dear, and shall be greatly gratified
If by your March Elections our relations are—say ratified.
"We don't expect self-sacrifice, we do not beg for gratitude,
But keep an interested eye, my dear, upon your attitude.

Railings and ravings rantipole we hold are reprehensible,
But of our kindly kinship we 're affectionately sensible.
A mother's proud to see her child learning to "run alone," you know ;
But does not wish to see her "run away" from home, she'll own
you know.

Macdonald is magniloquent, perhaps a bit thrasonical;
His dark denunciations—at a distance—sound ironical,
And when we read the rows between him and Sir Richard Cart-
wright; dear, [right, dear!
"We have our doubts if either chief quite plays the patriot part

But there, we know that party speeches are not merum nectar, all,
And we can take the measure of magniloquence electoral;
The tipple Party Spirit men will stir and whiskey-toddy-fy,
But when they have to drink it—cold—its strength they greatly
modify.

Beware the Ides of March ? Oh, no 1 All auguries we defy, my
dear!

The spectre of disloyalty don't scare us ; all my eye, my dear.
So vote away, dear Canada ! our faith's in friendly freedom, dear ;
And croakers, Yank, or Canuck, or home-born, we Bhall not heed
'em, dear!

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTEACTED EEOM THE DIAET OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday Night, February 16.—After long
tarrying, House once more justified its old character. Been dolefully
dull these weeks and months past. Thought it was dead; only been
sleeping. To-night woke up, and audience that filled every Bench,
blocked the Gangways, and thronged the Bar, had rare treat
Occasion was the indictment of Prince Arthur ; long pending ;
was to have come off at beginning of Session ; put off on account
of counter attractions in Committee-R.oom No. 15 ; postponement
no longer possible; and here we are, House throbbing with excite-
ment^ Old Morality nervously clacking about Treasury Bench,
bringing his chicks together under his wing. Randolph brought
his young beard down to witness performance.

Initial difficulty in Irish
Camp ; Brer Fox sitting in
old place, two steps down
third bench below Gangway.
Brer Babbit, sunk in pro-
found meditation, oblivious
to the rival Leader's presence,
occupies corner seat; room
for one between them. Who
shall take it ? Anxious time
for Tim Healt. Nothing he
dreads so much as possibility
of outbreak. In Committee-
B,oom No. 15, Brer Pox
snatched out of Brer Babbit's
hand a sheet of paper. Sap-
pose now, in sudden parox-
ysm, he were to reach forth
and taking Brer Babbit by
the beard bang his head
a gainst the back of the B ench ?
Tim's gentle nature shivered
with apprehension; thing to
do was to get a good plump
gentleman set between the
two, so that in case hostilities
broke out his body might be
used as buffer. Thought of
Elton first. Besides a pro- A Buffer Q.C.

fessional desire to find occupation for Members of the Bar, Elton's
figure seemed made on purpose for the peaceful errand Tim had in
mind. Broached subject. Elton said, always happy to oblige ; but
was, in fact, just now retiring from Parliamentary life; didn't care
to be brought into undue prominence. Besides, he belonged to other
side of House; Why not try T. B. Potter ?

A SENSITIVE EAR.

Intelligent Briton. " But we have no Theatre, no Actoks worthy
of the name, mademo se1le i why, the english delivery of
Blank Vbrse is simply toriure to an Ear accostomed to hear
it given its full Beauiy and Significance by a Bernhardt or
a coquelin ! "

Mademoiselle. "Indeed? I have never heard Bernhardt or

coquelin recite english blank verse ! "

Intelligent Briton. "Of coubse not. I mean French Blank
A'erse—the Blank Verse of Corneille, Racine, Molieke I "
Mademoiselle, "Oh, Monsieur, there is no such thing!"

[Briton still tries to look intelligent.

"The very man! " cried Tim, "I believe you and he scale the
same to a pound, and though your waist is more shapely, he has the
advantage in shoulders."

Potter most obliging of men ; offered no objection. So Tim con-
ducted him to the seat; he dropped gently, but firmly in it; Brer
Rabbit putting on his spectacles, and looking across the expanse of
T. B.'s shoulders, thought he recognised Brer Fox at the other side.
Anyhow, he was beyond speaking distance, and so embarrassment
was obviated.

Tim, his mind thus at rest, able to devote his attention to debate,
to progress of which, he contributed a few interjections. Finally, when
Division taken on John Morley's Motion, and everybody ready to go
home, he moved and carried Adiournment of Debate.

Business done.—Prince Arthur indicted for breach of Constitu-
tional Law in Ireland. Jury retired to consider their verdict. Agreed
upon acquittal by 320 Votes against 245.

Tuesday .—k. once familiar presence pervades House to-night.
Everyone more, or less vaguely, conscious of it. Even without
chancing to look up to Peers' Gallerv, Members are inspired with
sudden mysterious access of Moral iDfluence. Old Morality him-
self, that overflowing reservoir of moral axioms, takes on an aggra-
vated air of responsibility and respectability. Has had a great
triumph which would inflate a man of less modest character.
Last night, or rather early this morning, Irish Members appeared to
force Government hand ; just when it seemed thatR,us3ELL's Amend-
ment was about to be substituted for Morley's Resolution, Tim
Healy interposed, moved Adjournment of Debate; Old Morality
protested; Sexton slily threatened all-night sitting ; after an hour's