Punch: Punch (100.1891)

108 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 28, 1891.

Members went off jubilant.

To-night Sexton asks Old Mobality when they shall resume
debate ?

"Ah," says Old Mobality, with look of friendly interest, as if
the idea, had struck him for the first time, " yes ; just so. The Hon.
Member wants to know when we shall resume the debate, the
adjournment of which he and his friends were instrumental in
carrying at an early hour this morning. Well, I must say, on the
part of Her Majesty's Government, that we
are perfectly satisfied with matters as they
were left. We had a lively debate, a maj ority
much larger than we had dared to hope for,
and, as far as we are concerned, I think we '11
leave matters alone. As one of our great
prose-writers observed, it is, on the whole,
more conducive to comfort to endure any
inconveniences that may press upon one at
the current moment, than to hasten to en-
counter others with the precise nature of
which we do not happen to be acquainted."

Gband Cboss missed this delightful little
episode, not coming in till questions were
over. Now he sat in Peers' Gallery and
gazed through spectacles on scene of earlier
triumphs. Looks hardly a day older than
when he left us ; the same perky manner,
the same wooden visage, with its pervading
air of supreme self-satisfaction and inscru-
table wisdom. It is a night given up to
Indian topics. Plowden, in his quiet,
effective way, has just carried Motion which
will have substantial effect in the direction
of securing fuller debate of Indian ques-
tions. Gobst, standing at table replying to
Buchanan on another Indian topic, alludes
with deferential tone to " the Secbetaby oe
State » Gband Cboss almost audibly purrs Under_Secret
from his perch m the Gallery.

" An odd world, my masters," says the Member for Sabk, striding
out impatiently, "when you have a man like Gobst Under-Secre-
tary, with a man like Gband Cboss at the Head of the Department."

Business done.—kn hour or two given to India.

Thursday — Army Estimates on to-night. Hanbuby comes to
the front, as usual. Stanhope tossing about on Treasury Bench, in
considerable irritation.

" What's the use, my St. John," he asked Bbodbick, the only man
standing by him, " of a family arrangement like ours, if one is
subjected to annoyance like this ? With one brother in the Peers,
a pillar of staid Conservatism ; with myself on the Treasury Bench,
a Cabinet Minister, a right-hand man of the Government: and then,

final touch, old Philip
Egalite below the_ Gang-
way opposite, with his Radi-
calism, and his tendency to

Out-jacoby labouchebe.

This is a broad-based family
combination, that ought to
make us, each in his way,
irresistible. And yet there
seems nothing to prevent a
fellow like Hanbuby look-
ing down from his six feet
two scornfully on a British
soldier not more than five
feet four in his stocking-
feet, whilst he inflates his
chest, and asks, in profound
bass notes, how are the
ancient glories of the British
Army to be maintained with
men who cannot stretch the
tape at thirty-six inches?"

When Hanbuby sat
down, after pounding away
in ponderous style for
nearly an hour, Stanhope
got up and prodded him re-

" Amazed at his own Moderation.'' proachfully. . Wonderful
. , , ., , how much vinegar and

vitriol he managed to distil into his oft-repeated phrase, "My
honourable friend ! " As for Hanbuby, he sat with hands in pocket,
staring at empty benches opposite, amazed at his own moderation.

Hours of the usual kind of talk on Army Estimates ; the Colonels,
Volunteer and otherwise, showing that the Army is as Gill (who has

struggle, Government capitulated; Adjournment agreed to ; Irish recently spent some time in Boulogne) says, en route pour les chiens ;

the Secbetaby of State for Wab demonstrating that everything is
in apple-pie order, and his right honourable predecessor on the Front
Opposition Bench bearing testimony to the general state of efficiency.

Wolmeb flashed through the haze a word that has long wanted
saying in the House. Why, he asked, place sentries surrounding
St. James's Palace, the War Office, and the Horse Guards ? Why, if
presence of armed men at these particular gateways is essential to
proper conduct of affairs of Department—why should Charity Com-
missioners and Education Office be left unguarded ? Wolmeb should
keep pegging away at this question till he gets common-sense answer.
Business done.— Army Estimates moved.

Friday.—Gallant little Wales took the floor to-night. Wants
the Church Disestablished; Pbitchabd Mobgan, in speech of pro-
digious length, asked House to sanction the proposal. The Govern-
ment, determined to oppose Motion, cast about for Member of their
body who could best lead opposition. Hadn't a Welshman on the
Treasury Bench,

"There's Raikes, you know," Aeebs-Douglas said, discussing
the matter with Old Mobality. "He's not exactly a AYelshman,
but, when he's at home, he lives in Denbighshire, which is as near
being Wales as you can get. Besides, his postal address is
Llwynegrin."

"Ah!" said Old Mobality, "that looks well. He's not the
rose, but he lives in convenient contiguity to the flower."

So Raibes was put up, and a nice, peaceful, soothing, insinuating,
conciliatory speech he made. In fact, as the Member for Sabk says,
" He got gallant little Wales down on its back, tied its horns and
heels _ together, partially flayed it, and then rubbed in cunningly
contrived combination of Cayenne pepper and vinegar."

Business done.—Welsh Disestablishment Motion negatived by 235
Yotes to 203.

Celt Again.

Gbakt-Allen,—his manner moves cynics to mirth !—
Makes out that the Celt is the Salt of the Earth.
That accounts, it may be, for his dominant fault;
A "salt of the earth " has a taste for assault!

OUT OP SCHOOL !

Deab Mb, Punch,—You are so awfully good to chaps at school that
I am sure you will insert this letter. Smith Minor, who takes in the
Times, says, that a "Pabent" has been writing to say, that there
should be a meeting of Fathers to swagger over the meeting of Head
Masters. Well, this wouldn't be half a bad idea if it were properly
conducted; but the "Pabent" seems to be a beast of a governor,
who wants to cut down the holidays, and such like rot. And this
brings me to what I want to propose myself. If there are to be
meetings of Head Masters and Parents, why not a meeting of Boys ?
We have a heap of grievances. For instance, lots of chaps would
like to know why "the water" was stopped at Westminster, and
something about the domestic economy of Harrow. Then the great
and burning question of grub is always ready to hand. The
"Pabent" wants to have a hand in the payment for school-books,
seeing his way to getting the discount (stingy chap!) then why
shouldn't we fellows have a voice choosing them ? Then about
taking up Greek, why shouldn't we have our say in that matter ?
After all, it interests us more than anyone else, as we are the
fellows that will have to learn it, if it is to be retained. Then
about corporal punishment. Not that we mind it much, still we are
the fellows who get swished at Eton, and feel the tolly at Beaumont.
Surely the Boys know more about a licking than Head Masters
and Parents? You, as a practical man, will say, "Who should
attend the Congress ? " I reply, every public school might send a
delegate; and by public school, I do not limit the term to the old
legitimate " E. and the two W.'s," Eton, Winchester and West-
minster. No; I would throw it open to such respectable educational
establishments as Harrow, Rugby, Charterhouse, St. Paul's, Marl-
borough, Felsted, Cheltenham, Stony hurst, and the rest of them.
The more the merrier, say I; and if there was a decided division
of opinion on any subject, we could settle the matter off-hand at
once, by taking off our jackets and turning up our shirt-sleeves.
The more I think of it, the more I like it! It would be a game !
Always your affectionate friend, {Signed) Jones Minimus.

The Same Old Game.

[Kussia is said to be threatening the old Finnish laws and liberties.]

Russia snubs him who, as a candid friend,
Horrors Siberian, Hebrew would diminish.

Must Muscovites prove tyrants to the end ?
At least they aim to prove so to the Finnish !

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