Punch: Punch (100.1891)

March 7, 1891.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. in

of the " Corinthian Jay" species, have had a shy, pro-
fessionally or monetarily, at the "Woolwich Whopper,"
and invariably with disastrous results. The " W. W.,"
though big enough in all conscience, is not of sound con-
stitution, nor of the true wear-and-tear sort, is very diffi-
cult {and expensive) to train, and when brought fairly up
to the scratch is certain to go bang to pieces after the first
few rounds, if these are at all of a hot-and-hot character.

Still there are—worse luck ! —certain parties connected,
more or less, with the P.R. who—whether from interest,
vanity, or sheer cussedness, still pin their faith to this
"huge, lumbering, soft, long-shanked, top-heavy,
shambling, thump-shirking Son of a Gun," as Nobby
Nupklns, of the Nautical Division, pithily called him
the other day. If some of these credulous or conceited
coves had witnessed the little trial " scrap " which took
place recently (on the strict Q.T.), at the "Admiral's
Head," in the presence of Mr. John B-ll (the famoua
P.R. referee), between the vaunted "Whopper" and
a smart and handy light-weight known as " Quiekfire,"
their owl-eyes might, having been a little opened, and
their peacock-strut a bit modified.

The " Woolwich Whopper," for all his height and over-
whelming weight, seemed to toe the scratch with awkward
reluctance. He put up his dukes very f amblingly, and his
attitude waB decidedly of the "head-over-tip" character.
Young " Quiekfire," on the contrarv, was erect as a dart,
nimble on his pins as a girl at her first dance, and smart in
delivery as a newly-promoted Postman, or the Parcels
Express. He was all over his man in a brace of shakes,
and the " Whopper," who looked as though he could have
knocked holes in him if he could have hit him, could
hardly land a " little one in" once in the course of a
round, and then it was so short that it would hardly have
brushed a bumble-bee off a buttercup.

The respected Referee, who watched the dust-up with
careful interest, was much pleased with the promise of
the smart light-weight, " Quiekfire," who seems to have
in him the makings of a fine fighter. Mr. B-ll did not
disguise his disgust at the feeble figure cut by the
" Whopper," about whose pretensions to first-class form,
let alone Champion honours, it is to be hoped we shall
hear little more for the future.

[Mem.—Mr. Punch suspects that the abore edifying and
idiomatic homily was intended for some sporting contemporary,
but, -with his accustomed courtesy, he giyes it for what it i3
worth.]

TO A COMPLIMENTARY COUNSEL.

[" Here the Plaintiff met the Defendant, who formed a
s'rong attachment for her, at which he (the learned Counsel),
did not wonder."—Extract from a recent Report.]

The Plaintiff she was very fair—

I'd very gladly make a verse on
Her face, her smile, her eyes, her hair,

Her comely and attractive person.
Last year a gentleman had stormed

Her heart and swore that nought should sunder
The strong attachment he had formed,

At which you said you " did not wmder

Oh ! tell me was it quite the thing,

Of prudence shamelessly defiant,
In Buch a pointed way to sing

The praises of your pretty client.
Had she been ugly—yes, or plain,

Would you have reckoned it your duly
To say how much it caused you pain

To look and mark her lack of beauty ?

Perhaps vou meant the words you sai i,

'Twould be amusing to discover
If Bhe had really turned your head,

And in her lawyer found a lover.
Yet even should this be the case,

You cannot well escape supporting
This statement—that it's not the place

In open Court to go a-courting.

When next a lady comes to say

That He and She at last have parted,
And that she '11 make the villain pay

For having left her broken-hearted,
You '11 recollect that in the Breach

Of Promise Case, you must not blunder,
But mention in your opening speech

That at his love you do not wonder.

RECOGNITION OF MERIT.

The MDougall, L.O.O. (to Cambridge Don). " Well doke ! The Spinster to
the Spinning House ! You are indeed a Proctor and a Brother !"

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Quiet Mrs. Fleming is very nearly being a good rovel of the kind with
which " once upon a time " Mr. F. C. Philips used to delight us. Mr. Richard
Price's Quiet Mrs. F. might perhaps be placed in the same category with
F. C. P.'s Little Mrs. Murray, which was not by any means the Author's best.
The story, like the Consols, is good enough for those who don't want much
interest for their money. It may be safely recommended as a pleasant companion
during a railway journey. The Baron does not consider that The Quiet Mrs. F.
will make much noise in the novel-reading world.

A coloured leaflet, of autumnal tint, commands me, in the tone of a Wellington
dispatch, to "order early" a new "Family Magazine," entitled, Golden Gates,
edited by John Strange Winter. " I have not yet seen it," says the Baron,
" but wish the adventurous pennyworth every possible success." Its bill of
contents announces " a complete story," by the editress, and also a " complete
novelette," by Mrs. Lovett Cameron. This looks well for the first number;
and an editor's motto must be. "Take care of Number One." I suppose in
each number there will be " A Winter's Tale." _

Interesting reading for the Baron and his friends the Public, is Mr. Ander-
son's article, entitled Studies in Illustrated Journalism, in this month's Magazine
of Art. Mr. Anderson is a trifle inaccurate in some details of his pleasantly-
written and generally trustworthy sketch of the history of Mr. Punch, on which it is
needless for the Baron to dwell hie et nunc. The Baron remembers the dapper,
sportingly-attired " little Howard," who had the reputation of being " Leech's
only pupil," but who was never one of Mr. Punch's Staff Officers. In the same
number of this Magazine is a brief, but carefully written notice of the Baron's
old friend, convive, and fellow-worker on Mr. Punch's staff, Charles Keenk.
"A superb Artist," writes Mr. Spielman, "pure and simple "—true this, in
every sense—" the greatest master of line in black and white that will live for
many years to come." The engraving that accompanies this notice of our old
friend is not a striking likeness of " Carlo," but it exactly reproduces his
thoughtful attitude, with his pipe in his hand, so familiar to all his associates.

Hereby and herewith thanks-a-many are returned to the "Bibliographer,"
who is also the Secretary of the Sette of Odd Yolumes, for his charming little
brochure about Robert Houdin, his Life and Magical Deeds, by his truly,

The Baron de Book-Worms.

A " Sterne" Truth {as to conviction under The Embezzlement and Larceny
Act, 1861).—" They order this matter better in France."