Punch: Punch (100.1891)

}Iaech 7, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

113

about all this. Gladys always looked happy; her hair, her month,
her eyes, her ears, even her little unformed nose, all looked as happy
as possible. She was a pleasant little patent moraliser, with a double
escapement action for great occasions. On this evening all the
family was gathered together, including the inevitable infant, whose
prattle serves to soothe the gloomy perversity of morose heroes. On
such an evening as this Sonogun had seen them all years ago, and,
though he was standing in the garden and all the windows were
shut, he had heard every single whisper of the family conversation.
The Doctor seemed to be troubled, and Gladys came up to him in
her caressing way.

"My dear," he said, simply, "Sonogtjn is in trouble, and we
must rescue him." No more was said, but the next moment Gladis
and her father had left by the London express.

Chapter IV.

All things are fair that are not dark ;

Yet all are dark that are not fair.
And the same cat that slays the lark,

Itself is often killed by care.—Boher.

Sonogun had seen a notice in a railway-carriage. " Beware of
card-sbarpers " was printed upon it, and it flashed upon him, with
the force of a revelation, that it must be meant for him. Once more
he made up his mind. He would fly. Fear lent him a spare pair of
second-hand wings. He whistled to his dog Stray, and having
thrown Haeceel and Renan out of the window, he flapped twice,
and then soared up, Stray following as best he could. It was very
dark, and the clouds were threatening. For a long time he avoided
them, but at length he fell into a particularly damp one, and would
inevitably have been drowned, had not the sagacious Stray brought
men to his assistance. And thus Sonogun, the scoffer, the agnostic,
the moody, gloomy, morose, cast-iron, Roman-faced misanthrope, got
home. That same evening he changed his clothes and his character,
and on the following day married Gladys.

the end.

"quite new and original."

The fencing Lecture, entitled, The Story of Swordsmanship, seems
to have been so great a success, last Wednesday, at the Lyceum, as
to have aroused the ire of some Music-hall Managers, who earnestly
contend that the Stage of the Theatre, that is, of the Drama pur et

simple, very pure
et very simple,
should not be
used or misused
for the purpose
of giving an
entertainment,
which, though
given without
scenes, was yet
"illustrated with
cuts."

It is highly
probable that
Jjm£\ this offensive and
:/*' j») defensive subject
will be followed
by other lectures
Infants m Arms. more( perhaps, in

keeping with theatrical tradition. We will not give our authority
for this statement, but may intimate that that eminent professor of
the P.R. and P.M.N.A.S.D., known within certain circles as The
Slogger, will, at no very distant date, give at one of our most popular
theatres a lecture, the first of a series, on Pugilism and the Drama.

Tickets, of course, to be obtained at the Box-office. The subject
of the first Lecture will be Box and Fighting Cocks.

Among other things the eloquent professor will draw the attention
of his audience to what a change in the history of the Stage, nay,
perhaps, in the history of the world, would have occurred if to
Box's inquiry as to his pugilistic capacity, Cox had replied, " I can! "
and had there and then thrown himself, like Mr. Pickwick "into
a paralytic attitude," and exclaimed, "Come on!" an invi-
tation which the challenger would have been bound in honour to
accept. The Lecturer will practically show how "to make a hit,"
and give an example from the life of the " early closing movement."
The Lecture will be interspersed with songs, such as " Black Eyes
and Blue Eyes," "Hand and Glove," "Ring! Ring!" "The
Hymn to Floorer " a part-song, by four choristers, and " Me-Hst- 0'«
song from Faust. Perhaps the next Lecture on the same subject
will be given at The Umpire Theatre.

An Old Cby Revived {unpalatable to the French Painters and
Patriots). — "2 Berlin! d Berlin!"

SHAKSPEAKE AND THE UNMUSICAL GLASSES.

Me. Pinebo, in his letter to the D. T., complained that, should the
Music Halls obtain their wicked way, through the incompetence of
the County Council to deal with the matter—(but is not Deueio-
lantj8 a Connti-Connciliarius, and ready to see justice done to the
poor player, author, [and manager alike? Sure-ly!)—then a play
at a Hall of Music (they used to be "Caves of Harmony" in
Thackeeay's time, and the principal Hall of Music was Sam Hall)
will be heard between " a puff at a cigar and a sip from a glass."
Well, but what piece can get on without a puff or so ? Would not
a good cigar during a good piece be an additional " draw?" We
have " Smoking Concerts" ; why not "Smoking Theatricals " ? But
hoiv about the Ladies ? Years ago there were no smoking-carriages on
the Railways. And what nowadays is the proportion of smoking
to non-smoking compartments ? Yery small. The Ladies will
decide this question. But how about the Actors f In modern pieces
they never lose an opportunity of smoking. Why shouldn't the cigar
be introduced into yhakspearian revivals ? Anachronism to the
winds!—which is a polite way of expressing "Anachronism be
blowed! " 'Baccy be blowed too. Sir Waltee Raleigh would have
approved its introduction in Elizabethan days. In Twelfth Night for
example, the line, "Help me
to some light," is suggestive;
so, also, in Macbeth—"Give
us a light, then"—out comes
the cigar. Titus Androni-
cus might be revived, with
a view to inaugurating the
innovation, and the line,
"Some of you shall smoke,"
would be the Bignal for
the production of many
a cigar - case in point.
Hamlet could, perhaps, find
some authority for reading
the line, '' Will you play
upon this pipe ? " as, "Will
you smoke this pipe?"
And the other actor would
reply, " Certainly — and
thank you, my Lord, I have
oneof my own." Mr. Edwaed
Teeey has no objection to

The Churchwarden in his « Can you play thig { ' ? >',
theatre, and his Church- *
warden drew very well. However, we've had this discussion before.
Will it end this time, as it has hitherto done, in smoke ? Let us
suppose a Shakspearian play under the proposed conditions :—

Scene II.— CapuleVs Garden. After Romeo's soliloquy, which,
perhaps, has produced a thirstiness among the audience, result-
ing in several orders for dri?iks having been given, Juliet appears
on balcony.

" Juliet. Ah, me ! " [Popping of corks, and striking of matches,

"Romeo. She speaks!-"

Fascinating Female Attendant in Stalls. One whiskey, Sir ?

" Romeo. Oh, speak again, bright angel! "

Thirsty Party in Stalls. No; I said B. and S.—bring it quick.

"Romeo (continuing). As is a winged messenger of heaven."

Second Fascinating Attendant. Which Gent ordered gin-sling ?
(No one pays any attention. Attendant sees a mild man listening as
earnestly as he can to the play.) Did you order a sling, Sir ?

Earnest Listener (irritably). No, no—I don't want anything.
There, I've lost the last part of Romeo's speech.

[Steels himself against further distractions, and tries to concen-
trate all his attention on the play.

"Juliet. 0, Romeo! Romeo! wherefore art thou, Romeo?" &c.

" Romeo (aside). Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this ? "

Excited Somebody (in distant Stall, beckoning to Second Attendant).
Here! Hi! Here! I ordered gin-sling.

Second Attendant (much relieved). Oh, you was it ? D'you mind

stretchin' across- (To gorgeous, eveningly-attired Lady, in row

between). Beg pardon.

Gorgeous Lady (horribly disturbed). She'll spill it—you'll spiU
it- Chaeley, why don't you-

Charles (her Friend). Here ! (To Fascinating Attendant as politely
as possible.) Can't you go round with it-

A Few Ancient Playgoers. Sssh ! Sssh !

Second Attendant (to distant Customer). I '11 bring it. 'Sense me.
[Retraces her fascinating steps along front row. Chaff-
exclamations—near and distant poppings of corks, striking
of matches, and other accompaniments to Juliet's
speech.

And so forth, ad libitum. The same thing going on all over the
house during the remainder of the Shakspearian play.