Punch: Punch (100.1891)

132 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL [March h, 1891.

for West Birmingham, with his usual acumen—which I am sure we
all recognise—asks me, In what circumstances do fogs occur at
night ? I am much obliged to him for reminding me of the point.

Fogs happen at night, when the air has been satu-
rated with vapour during the day. When this is
the case, it deposits some of its superabundant
moisture in the form known in rural districts—as
my Hon. Friend, the Member for the Bordesley
Division, is well aware—as dew. In the Metropolis
it is more familiar as fog. This process of deposi-
tion commences as soon as the capacity of the air
for holding vapour is lessened by the coldness of
advancing night. I think I have
now answered the question of my
Noble Friend fully, and, I trust,
frankly. He will, I am sure, upon
consideration, see that this is not
a matter with which a Royal Com-
mission could be expected success-
fully to cope, and, therefore, I
may add, Her Majesty's Govern-
ment do not, after full considera-
tion of their duty to the Q,ueen
and Country, think it desirable to
adopt the suggestion thrown out
by my Noble Friend."

Bbamston Beach's face during
this subtle discourse a study ;
Feeling his Way through the Fog. remained very quiet for rest of
sitting; told me at ten minutes to eleven he thought he was
beginning to grasp Old Mobality's meaning. "Yes," he added,
with more cheerfulness, " I'm feeling my way through the fog."

Business done.—Stansfeld's Franchise Resolution negatived by
291 Yotes against 189.

Thursday.—In Lords to-night, three white figures fluttered down
gently on t» red Benches, like virgin flakes of snow. But, unlike
snow, they didn't melt. On close examination, turned out to be three
new Bishops ; two of them old friends, with new titles.

" Like Bottom, translated," Beamwell growls.

Dr. Magee, walking out Bishop of Peterborough, comes back Arch-
bishop of York. The ceremony of their installation not nearly so
comic as that of ordinary Peers of Parliament. Garter King-at-
Arms does not appear ; nor Black Rod ; nor is there any game of
Follow-my-leader round the Benches.

"No, no," said the Mabkiss, who Mr. 0. quite unjustly says has
no strain of reverence in his disposition, "that would never do.
Must be careful with our Bishops."

So the three new-comers, haying paid their respects to the Loed-
Chancellob, straightway
took their seats on the
Episcopal Bench, folded
their hands over their sur-
pliced knees, and lent an
added air of peace and
purity to the precincts.

Denman bustling about,
weighed down with cares
of State. Had promised
to bring into Lords Atkin-
son's Muffin-Bell Bill,
limiting duration of
Speeches. But Bill stuck
in the Commons, whilst
Atkinson turned his at-
tention to his Dowagers
Bill.

"Atkinson's a good
fellow," said Denman.
'' Have sometimes thought
an alliance between him
and me, a sort of coalition The Inflammable Liquor Bill,

between two estates of the realm, might work great things. But
I'm beginning to lose confidence in him. At certain periods of the
lunar month he's too comprehensive in his legislative ambition.
Why wasn't he content with his Muffin-Bell Bill ? Why drag in the
Dowager? These Dowagers, dear Toby, have, if I may say so-
using the phrase strictly in Parliamentary sense—got their arms
round the neck of my friend Atkinson, and will pull him down.
It'sa pity, for I think, between us, we could have put things
straight generally."

Business (Zone.—Navy Estimates in Commons.

Friday — Philippe Egalite very rarely troubles House with
ordered speech. A good deal on his mind looking after Jacoby,
and keeping the Party straight. But his silence doesn't arise from
incapacity to speak. This shown to-night in his speech on Railway

Rates and Charges. Full of good matter, admirably delivered.
After this, Dr. Clabk proposed to discuss Home Rule; but House
didn't seem to care about it particularly. So at Half-past Eight
was Counted Oat. This was the chief Business done.

THE FINE YOUNG GERMAN EMPEROR.

{A New Song to an Old Tune.)

I 'le sing to you a brand new song, made by a modern pate,
Of a fine young German Emperor, an Oracle of State,
Who kept up his autocracy at the bountiful old rate,
With the aid of Socialism for the poor men at his gate ;

This fine young German Emperor, all of the modern time.

His ancestors had " kept their fingers on the pulse of time "
(He said), and he'd do ditto in a fashion more sublime ;
For, as Bacon said of Nature, he who'd rule her must obey.
And that with modern " tendency," is the new imperial way,
Of this fine young German Emperor, &c.

He'd "mastered the new Spirit," which (how kind!) "he'd not
Social reform or Education he'd not treat as foes, [oppose."
But keep step with the "Tendencies" which else might trip his
toes,

And thus he'd "head the movement," and would lead it (by the
This fine young German Emperor, &c. [nose ?),

Now surely this is better far than all the old parade
Of tyranny in mufti, and of greed in masquerade ;
And of this young German Emperor, whatever may be said,
Or of his new vagaries, you '11 allow he knows his trade,
Does this fine young German Emperor, &c.

There were some who did not like it,—there are always]'such, one
knows,

Who Ancient Order patronise, and Modern Style oppose.
Particularly one Old Man, who plainly did not see
Laying down his long -held power, and submitting tranquilly
To this fine young German Emperor, &c.

He was no Cincinnatus, and he did not love the plough,
So he talked, inspired the Papers, and, in fact, roused lots of row.
For this man of Blood and Iron, when thus laid upon the shelf,
Found that long control of others did not mean control of self,
Or this fine young German Emperor, &e.

Then this fine young German Emperor, who aims to lead the danc?,
Has a very trying vis-d-vis, that fractious dame, La France,
To keep step with that lady, without treading on her train,
Would tax Terpsichore herself ; he finds the effort vain ;
Does this fine young German Emperor, &c.

So this fine young German Emperor has got a stiffish task,
That all his strength will occupy, and all his tact will task.
Let us wish him patriot wisdom, and respect for Elder Fame,
And then he '11 give his country peace, and leave a noble name,

This fine young German Emperor, all of the modern time !

A ROUGH CROSSING.

That military-looking gentleman, with his arm in a sling, and his
head covered with bandages, has, I suppose, just returned from
fighting the Dacoits in Upper Burmah ?

I certainly am surprised when you inform me that he has only
tried to cross a London street in a fog.

Do you really mean to say that the vehicle that just thundered
past at twenty miles an hour* in the mist, was not a fire-engine, but
onlv a covered Yan P

Yes, I believe it is a fact that special beds in all the Hospitals are
now reserved for Yan-victims.

Of course it is difficult for a man in the Yan to_ look to the Rear ;
still he need not swoop down on pedestrians quite so much like a
highwayman, saying, " Your collar-bone or your life ! "

If things go on as they are now doing, every covered Yan will
have to carry its own Surgeon and ambulance about with it.

What is that crowd for, and why is somebody shouting angrily P
Oh, I suppose the old gentleman, who has been run over by the
Coal-waggon and is lying bleeding on the asphalte, is remonstrating
with the driver P

What? Can it really be the case that the driver is abusing the
old gentleman for his stupidity in getting in his way ?

I have heard that the Insxiranee Companies now insert in their
policies a condition forbidding the crossing of any street in London,
except under police escort.

And, finally, as nearly six thousand persons were run down in
the streets of the Capital last year, is it not almost time that some-
thing were done to check the Yan Mazeppa- Juggernaut in his wild
career ?

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