Punch: Punch (100.1891)

144 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 21, 1891.

remembered as advocate of cause of Working Man. Bestowed much
care on terms of Resolution ; invited Government to encourage more
general voluntary provision for sickness and old age. Then adroitly

dragged in the axiom that " Sound prin-
ciples of provident Insurance should be
included in the subjects prescribed by
the Education Code for instruction in
elementary schools." That meant to draw
Old Morality ; succeeded d mervsille.

"Toby, dear boy," he said to me,
half closing his eyes, and folding his
arms, whilst a far-away look melted into
newer softness his kindly countenance,
"that reminds me of old days. Many
a time have I written out in" my copy-
book, ' Take care of vour Neighbour's
Pence, and your own Pounds will Take
Care of Themselves.' ' Borrow an Um-
brella, and put it away for a Rainy
Day.' 1 Half a Currant Bun is better
than No Bread'; 'A Bird in a Pigeon
Pie is better than three in the Bush.'
Grot heaps of copy-books filled with
these and similar words of wisdom.
Howard Vincent is quite right. If
there was more of this in our elementary
schools, there would be, if I may say so,
more men like me. Tou remember what
Who's-This said, ' Let me write their
copy-book headings, and I don't care who
makes their laws.' Howard Vincent is
on the right tack; think we shall accept
Herbert Maxwell his Resolution." .......

Performed his task well. . S° it.would have been, if that eminent
Anon. strategist had foregone his speech. It
he had laid Resolution on the table, and
said, " There you are," Government would have accepted it, and
he would have had a night of triumph. But he would speak.
Spoke for an hour, and utterly ruined chances of the Resolution he
recommended.

Herbert Maxwell, put up from Treasury Bench to reply for
Government, did his work admirably. After fearful fiasco with
Chaplin last Friday, Old Morality checked disposition to Rive
young Ministers opportunity of distinguishing: themselves. If Max-
well made a mull of this, following on Friday week's catastrophe
with Chaplin, it would be serious. Maxwell won more than
negative credit of not making mistake. He delivered excellent
speech, showing complete mastery of subject.

Business done.—House Counted Out again.

Thursday.—An Irish night at last. Quite a long time since we
talked of the distressful country. Wouldn't guess that Ireland was
to the fore by looking at the
Irish quarter. Usual when
Prince Arthur is on his feet
expounding and defending
his policy for Irish camp to
be bristling with contradic-
tion and contumely. To-
night only five there, includ-
ing Brer Rabbit. Brer
Fox promised to come, but
hasn't turned up. Under-
stood to be engaged in com-
position of new Manifesto.
Towards midnight Prince Arthur,
wearied of the quietude, observed that
he didn't believe there was a single
Irish Member present. Whereupon
Nolan, waking from sleep, under
shadow of Gallery, indignantly shouted
out, "What?" Tanner, just come
in, roared, " Oh! " " Ah! " said Prince
Arthur, and the conversation termi-
nated.

Explanation of singular abstention
is, that business under discussion is
Vote on account of Relief of Distress
in Ireland. Prince Arthur asks for
£55,000 for that purpose; wouldn't do
for Irish Members to ubey their first Mr. Swift M'NeiU "prating."
instinct, and oppose vote moved by

Chief Secretary. If they were there, they might be expected to say,
" Thank you;" so they stay away, one or two just looking in to
contradict T. W. Russell—" Roaring " Russell, Sark calls him—
when he gave an account of what he saw during a recent visit to Ireland.
Business done.—Relief voted for Irish Distress.









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4

rf9

Friday Nijht.—Lo! a strange thing happened. Fell asleep just
now, amid deadly dulness, depth of which no one outside House can
comprehend. Woke up, hearing familiar voice. 'Twas the voice of
Prince Arthur, I heard him complain; something about Ground-
rents in London. Not quite his subject; voice, too, didn't seem to
come from Treasury Bench. But no mistaking it; same tone ; same
inflection. Now I come to think of it, more like way he used to talk
before he came to govern Ireland, Opened eyes; looked down;
behold ! it was brother Gerald, opposing Stuart's Motion on Land
Tax. Very odd; think I '11 go to sleep again.

Business done.—Slept.

THE SONG OP THE BACILLUS.

[Not a week passes without our hearing of a fresh agent to destroy the

Bacillus.]

Once I flourished unmolested, now my troubles never cease :

Man, investigating monster, will not let me rest in peace.

I am ta'en from friends and kindred, from my newly-wedded bride,

And exposed—it's really shameless—on a microscopic slide.

Sure some philbacillic person a Society should start

For Protection of Bacilli from the Doctor's baleful art.

Koch the evil game first started, and his lymph came squirming id,
But, 'twixt you and me, Bacilli did not care a single pin.
We went elsewhere in the body, and it only made us roam,
But it's hard, you must admit it, to be worried from your home,
And methinks the hapless patient had much rather we had rest,
When he finds us wildly rushing up and down his tortured breast.

Then came Bernheih and his dodges; his specific is to flood
All the circulation freely with injections of goat's blood.
That is really rather soothing, and it doesn't seem to hurt,
Though they lacerate your feelings with an automatic squirt;
Time will show if it's effective, but 'twill be revenge most sweet
If the patients take to butting every single soul they meet.

Next fierce Liebriech, quite a savage, has declared that we shall die

Shattered and exacerbated by attacks of Spanish fly.

We should like to ask the patient if he thinks he '11 live at ease,

With his system impregnated with that vile cantharides ?

We perchance may fall before it, waging an unequal strife,

But it's any odds the patient will be blistered out of life.

Therefore, 0 my friends, take heart, and these indignities endure,

Although every week brings news of an indubitable cure ;

We have lived and flourished freely ever since the world began,

And our lineage is as ancient surely as is that of man ;

While I '11 venture the prediction, as a wind-up to my song,

That, despite these dreadful Doctors, we may haply live as long.

BLONDEL UP TO DATE.

{A Fragment from a History of the Future.)

And so it happened that the King was taken and imprisoned, no
one knew whither. His followers, saving one, treated the matter
very calmly. The exception, who was supposed to be wanting in his
wits (he played on the barrel-organ), determined to do his best to
rescue his Royal Master ; and an idea occurred to him. He had
noticed that when he performed on his musical instrument those
who, perforce, were obliged to listen to him acted strangely. Some
of his audiences had frowned, others had shaken their fists at him,
and all had gone quickly away. Only once had a loiterer stayed
behind, smiling a sweet smile, as if he were enjoying the music. To
his regret, Blondel subsequently ascertained that the apparently
charmed listener was stone deaf. So he argued that if his music
had so great an effect upon the population of his native village it
would work marvels in the wide world without. And thus, with a
heart full of hope and courage, he started on his travels.

He wandered, turning the handle of his organ, for many a weary
mile. He passed through towns, hamlets, and cities; the people
put their heads out of their windows, and urged him imperiously to
be gone ; and as he hurried away he gazed at their faces, hoping to
have seen the King, his Master, but without avail. He felt, that were
His Majesty to hear his music, there would be a further supply of
language savouring rather of the dicing-house than the cathedral.
But, alas! his search was in vain. At length, he reached London,
and found it as silent as the grave I There were no German bands,
no Niggers, not even a hurdy-gurdy! Greatly surprised, Blondel
asked a policeman the meaning of this strange, this unlooked-for
quietude!

" Strike up that organ of yours," said the constable, surlily, " and
I will soon show you ! "

Blondel turned his handle, and was immediately arrested.

"What for?" echoed the policeman: "why, for infringing the
provisions of the Jacobi Street Music Prohibition Act I "

And with this brief explanation Blondel was carried off to prison !

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