Punch: Punch (100.1891)

April 18, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 183

Close time ? Fudge ! The Hares were intended at last
to perish

Either by sounding gun or the gaping jaws of the grey-
hound.

Food for the people ? Cant! The promotion of Sport is
the purpose

Plain of this pestilent Bill, which neutralises the victory
Won, with much labour, by Me, my gift to the sons of
the furrow.

Dawn at talks as though the Hare were a 11 domiciled
animal."

Shows what a deal he knows of Hares—save the pleasure

of killing 'em.
Shall I give the nourishing farmers up to this pillage ?
Nay, sure mine were the hands did most in the storm of

the combat,

Ay, and when peradventure we share the booty amongst us,
After the General Election, the Tories may find—but no
matter-r-r!

Surely a time will come,—not a "close time" that for
the Tories,—

I, being outraged, then will give them particular pepper!

HEARTHILY WELCOME.

1900 [Somewhere about).—Introduction into London of
new Patent Smokeless Fuel, as experimentally exhibited
in 1891 before the Prince of Wales and Empress
Frederick in York Road, King's Cross. A few public-
spirited householders insist on their cooks using it in
the kitchen. Cooks of public-spirited householders unani-
mously give warning. No quotation of Fuel Company's
shares on Stock Exchange.

1900 [Later),—Very reforming Parliament just re-
turned. Use of new Fuel made compulsory. Fuel shares
go up from a nominal 2s. &d. a share to £437 6«. 8d. at a
bound.

1901. —-London already [much cleaner. Only two fogs
(white) in whole of last winter. Consequent intense sur-
prise of old residents, cabmen, link-boys, porters, and
pickpockets.

1902. —Retirement of several individuals, who declare
they "liked the good old London fogs," to Black Country.
Statue in Parian marble of inventor of new Fuel blocks
erected on Thames Embankment.

1904. —Government buys up patent rights of Company,
at ruinous sacrifice. A Minister of Chimneyculture ap-
pointed, with Cabinet rank. Blocks reduced in price,
and sold at all Post Offices across the counter. Postal
messengers, on receipt of telephonic orders, bring truckfuls
to any address within ten minutes.

1905. —Green veils come into general use this summer,
to keep off glare from white stone houses and other
buildings in West-End of London. Several cases of partial loss of
sight from extreme whiteness of dome of St. Paul's. Dean ordered
(by County Council) to have dome lamp-blacked. Dean declines.
Vote of thanks to him from resident staff of Ophthalmic Hospital.

1906. —Owing to surprising and overpowering health of inha-
bitants (caused by total absence of smoke and fogs), County Council
establishes Gymnasia, Rowing Matches, and free public Pugilistic Con-
tests, in order to work off surplus muscular energies of population.

1907. —Emigration of 2000 Doctors (who have no work to do) to
one of General Booth's Colonies at South Pole. Show (in Temple
Gardens) of delicate ferns and roses grown in atmosphere of Strand.

1908. —Strike of Whitewashes, Laundresses, and House Painters,
against lack of employment. Go about singing, "Oh, call the Fog-
Fiend back to us!" with refrain, "Oh, when the Fogs were here
with us, Would we had used them more! "

1909. —Last surviving Chimney-sweeper, provided with a well-
ventilated chamber at Madame Tussand's. Special charge of six-
pence for adults, threepence for children, made for privilege of
seeing him.

1910. —Rest of inhabitants of England, as well as foreign invalids,
flock to London because of noted purity and salubrity of its climate.
Riviera deserted. London a little over-crowded, but very clean.

OLD FRIENDS.

"do you ever see bobbie bouncer now?"

"Oh dear no ! He's far too great a Swell! If one pitches into
anything he does, he cuts up rough, if you please, and gives one the
Cold Shoulder ! Those very successful Fellows always do !"
"And Bill Jakes ?"

"Poor old Stick-in-the-Mud ! Had to drop him! Doocid sight too
fond of telling one the plain truth about oneself, when one 's not
inclined for it, you know 1 Always the way with those Fellows who
don't get on ! "

THREE ACRES AND AN EGG.

The following pleasing announcement appears in the advertisement
columns of the Hast of Fife Record:—

WANTED, COTTAGERS and others to HATCH EGGS, Liberal Terms.
Apply, &c.

We are glad to see the men of Fife thus taking the lead in creating
new openings for the agricultural labourer. Of oourse the weather

will have much influence upon the success of the new avocation. _ To
sit out hatching eggs in one of such blizzards as we have had since
Christmas would be exceedingly inconvenient, upon whatever
" Liberal terms." But, given a fair summer day or a quiet autnmn
evening, there seems something quite idyllic in the picture of the
agricultural labourer sitting out in his own Three Acres hatching
eggs,—probably laid by the Cow.

THE FRIEND OF LABOUR.

How doth the provident M.P.

Improve each shining hour,
And in the "Labour Question"
see

Hopes of return to power ! ^ still

How skilfully he shapes his
"sell,"

Skilled Labour, Labour without
skill,

He would have busy, too ;
Nay, he would find some Labour
still

For idle " hands" to do.
Yet, Labour, whatsoe'er he say,

How neatly spreadshis" fakes"! To trust him be not fast;
On Labour's ear they sound right ; Or you '11 discover, some fine
well, day,
The promises he makes. I He '11 diddle you at last I

QUEER QUERIES.—Com3USTlbles.—I have five hundred bar-
rels of Kerosene Oil, and three hundred of Paraffin, stored in a large
room in the basement of my premises. Upstairs, on the top floor,
there are about two hundred assistants at work. I now want to use
part of the same room for the manufacture of fireworks. The place
I don't think is too dark, as I have it constantly lighted by naked
gas-jets. Would there be any need to take out a licence ? The
surrounding property, although very crowded, is only of\ a poor
description.—Insured.