Punch: Punch (100.1891)

184

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.

[April 18, 1891.

MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN.

[Condensed and Revised Version by Mr. P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite.)

No. II.—NORA; OR, THE BIRD-CAGE (ET DIKKI3V0IT).

Act III.

The same Room—except that the sofa has been slightly moved, and
one of the Japanese cotton-wool frogs has fallen into the fire-
place. Mrs. Linden sits and reads a book—but without under-
standing a single line.
Mrs. Linden [laying down book, as a light tread is heard outside).
Here he is at last! (Kbogstad comes in, and stands in the doorway.)
Mr. Kbogstad, I have given you a secret rendezvous in this room,
because it belongs to my employer, Mr. Helsieb, who has lately
discharged you. The etiquette of Norway permits these slight
freedoms on the part of a female Cashier.

Krogs. It does. Are we alone? (Nora is heard overhead dancing
the Tarantella.) Yes, I hear Mrs. Helmeb's fairy footfall above

Rank. Ah, well, I just looked in to say that I haven't long to live.
Don't weep for me, Mrs. Helmeb, it's chronic—and hereditary too.
Here are my P.P.C. cards. I'm a fading flower. Can you oblige me
with a cigar ?

Nora [with a suppressed smile). Certainly. Let me give you a
light P

[RiNK lights his cigar, after several ineffectual attempts, and
goes out.

Hehner [compassionately). Poo' old Rank—he'sh very bad to-ni' !
(Pulls himself together.) But I forgot—Bishness—I mean, bu-si-ness
—mush be 'tended to. I '11 go and see if there are any letters^ [Goes
to box ) Hallo! someone's been at the lock with a hairpin—it's one
of pour hairpins ! [Holding it out to her.

Nora [quickly). Not mine—one of Bob's, or Ivab's—they both
wear hairpins!

Helmer [turning over letters absently). You must break them of it
—bad habit! What a lot o' lettersh ! double usual quantity. [Opens
Kbogstad's.) By Jove ! [Reads it and falls back completely sobered.)
What have you got to sav to this f

She dances the Tarantella now—by-and-by she will dance to another Nora [crying aloud). You shan't save me—let me go ! I won't be
tune! [Changing his tone.) I don't exactly know why you should ' saved I

wish to have this interview—after jilting me as you did, long ago, \ Helmer. Save you, indeed! Who's going to save Met You
though? | miserable little criminal. [Annoyed.) Ugh—ugh!

Mrs. L. Don't you? 7do. I am a widow—a Norwegian widow.! Nora [with hardening expression). Indeed, Tobvald, your singing-
And it has occurred to me that there may be a nobler side to your bird acted for the best!

nature somewhere—though you Helmer. Singing-bird ! Your

have not precisely the best of -see, father was a rook—and you take

reputations. l^lfjfi\ after him. Heredity again! You

Krogs. Right. I am a forger, l\:'m-"s have utterly destroyed my happi-

and a money-lender; I am on Jzsx Z>. W^mM ness. [Walks round several tunes.)

the staff of the Norwegian Punch ' - W^fefefcgu Just as I was beginning to get on,

-a most scurrilous paper. More, / Yifyj - m^v^^K too!

I have been blackmailing Mrs. / szA $ihm¥''i '"'/fWu. Nora. I have—but I will go

Helmeb by trading on her fears x \ ~^^j2s&'\ raPis! away and jump into the water,

like a low cowardly cur. But, in ' . v ^fegfS^'A w$mx '^Sift Helmer. What good will that

spite of all that—[clasping his '\\ l^WWm^mWmlL l'° me' ^eoP^e wu* say I had a

hands) —there are the makings of a mZp'^t^A llfs^pWMlk hand in this business [bitterly).

fine man about me yet, Chbistina! [ifg^^Mji^--------■—oM™ fi^f'fk ^ ^ou musi f°r£e> y°u might at

Mrs. L. I believe you— at least, jSM~ <^\jt|j :|HfflX^I least put your dates in correctly!

I'll chance it. I want some one jnuS^z-.--''/ . 'IPsIIm But you never had any principle!

to care for, and I'11 marry you. /mBPSE?^ ■' •') ' i ,"i V 'ffifffHr flSBwfif ring.) The front-door bell!

Krogs. [suspiciously). On con- }w\Wm3^B ,„>' ijl .";f •, 'i W1|^EhHH ^ fui ^e-er ** seen to fall into

dition, I suppose, that I suppress j | Mflffp^S/ |< 0ij ' • './ ^'"''V■ |tIBBB^Bf <Ae box; Helmeb takes it, opens

the letter denouncing Mrs. Hel- [fMI^T*/ ' ';l ' W ''r'n' !: I mMS&Mm. sees enclosure, and embraces

her? miPJi W^i'W WfflWV i^JufHgBEls Nora.) Krosstad won't split.

Mrs. L. How can yon think WPm 'W M // / i' ; ' '''^fW^^^k See, he returns the forged I.O.U. !

so? I am her dearest friend; [Ifflnllllk' m i /'//' h$i !v lfp> :i Jlfft Oh, my poor little lark, what you

but I can still see her faults, and IfflBiMljff /^\;/ flffe Z^fflm. must have gone through! Come

it is my firm'opinion that a sharp s^^^l^L - ^-W^^^BSm under my wing, my little scared

lesson will do her all the good in ijL-.-f$ / ':Z:< Zii*»3jg& song-bird .... Eh? you wont!

the world. She is much too com- />. yy^^if8fg0gZ '" Why, what's the matter now t

fortable. So leave the letter in 7* C^^^^^-Z^^P^' Nora [with cold calm). I have

the box, and come home with me. « Oh, you prillil squillikins! " wings of my own, thank you

Krogs. 1 am wildly happy! 1 obv aid, and 1 mean to use them!

Engaged to the female Cashier of the Manager who has discharged
me, our future is bright and secure!

[He goes out; and Mrs. Linden sets the furniture straight;
presently a none is heard outside, and Helmeb enters,
dragging Noba in. She is in fancy dress, and he in an
oven black domino,

Nora. I shan't! It's too early to came away from such a nice
party. I won't go to bed! [She whimpers.

Hehner [tenderly). There 'sh a naughty lil' larkie for you,
Mrs. Linen ! Poshtively had to drag her 'way ! She'sh a capricious
lil' girl—from Capri. 'Scuse me ! —'fraid I've been and made a
pun. Shan''cur again ! Shplendid champagne the Consul gave us
—'counts for it! (Sits down, smiling.) Do you knit, Mrs. Cotton ?
. . . You shouldn't. Never knit. 'Broider. (Nodding to her,
solemnly.) 'Member that. Alwaysh 'broider. More— (hiccoughing) —
Oriental! _ Gobblesh you !—goo'ni I

Mrs. Linden. I only came in to—to see Noba's costume. Now I've
seen it, I '11 go. [ Goes out.

Helmer. Awful bore that woman—hate boresh ! (Looks at Noba,
then comes nearer.) Oh, you prillil squillikins, I do love you so!
Shomehow, I feel sho lively thishevenin' !

Nora (goes to other side of table). I won't have all that, Torvald !

Helmer. Why? ain't you my lil' lark—ain't thish our 111' cage?
Yer-well, then. ( A ring.) Bank! confound it all! (Enter Dr. Rank.)
Rank, dear old boy, you've been (hiccoughs) going it upstairs.
Cap'tal champagne, eh ? 'Shamed of you, Rank !

[He sits down on sofa, and closes his eyes gently.

Rank. Did you notice it ? (with pride). It was almost incredible
the amount I contrived to put away. But I shall suffer for it to-
morrow (gloo?nily). Heredity again! I wish I was dead ! I do.

Nora. Don't apologise. Torvald was just as bad; but he is always
so good-tempered after champagne.

Hehner. What—leave your pretty cage, and (pathetically) the old
cock bird, and the poor little innocent eggs I

Nora. Exactly. Sit down, and we will talk it over first. (Slowly.)
Has it ever struck you that this is the first time you and I have ever
talked seriously together about serious things ?

Helmer. Come, I do like that! How on earth could we talk about
serious things when your mouth was always full of macaroons ?

Nora (shakes her head). Ah, Torvald, the mouth of a mother of a
family should have more solemn things in it than macaroons ! I see
that now, too late. No, you have wronged me. So did Papa. Both
of you called me a doll, and a squirrel, and a lark ! You might have
made somethiog of me—and instead of that, you went and made too
much of me—oh, you did !

Helmer. Well, you didn't seem to object to it, and really I don't
exactly see what it is you do want!

Nora. No more do I—that is what I have got to find out. If I had
been properly educated, I should have known better than to date
poor Papa's signature three days after he died. Now I must educate
myself. I have to gain experience, and get clear about religion, and
law, and things, and whether Society is right or I am—and I must go
away and never come back any more till I am educated !

Helmer, Then you may be away some little time ? And what's to
become of me and the eggs meanwhile ?

Nora. That, Torvald, is entirely your own affair. 1 have a higher
duty than that towards you and the eggs. (Looking solemnly upward.)
I mean my duty towards Myself !

Hehner. And all this because—in a momentary annoyance at
finding myself in the power of a discharged Cashier who calls me " I
say Tobvald." I expressed myself with ultra-Gilbertian frankness I
You talk like a silly child!

Nora. Because my eyes are opened, and I see my position with the
eyes of Ibsen. I must go away at once, and begin to educate myself.