Punch: Punch (100.1891)

216

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI,

[May 2, 1891.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTEACTED FROM THE DIAKY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, April 20.—The otter week T. C.
Basing was sitting among us, one of the Members for the City of

London. Now Baring is no more, and to-
night Hucks Gibbs comes in to take his
place. Yicary G. brought his father
down ; watched him take oath and has
JiiSsI vft undertaken generally to see him through.

In fact, when Gibbs pere hesitated about
taking the proffered seat for the City,
Yicary undertook to fill it; finally, Cibbs
pere being warmly pressed, consented to
sit, and Yicary stood aside. But he will
come in by-and-by, when he has
given his father a turn.

"Age before honesty, is my
motto," said Yicaby, when I com-
plimented him upon the fine feel-
ing he has shown throughout
these negotiations. "I always
think that we young fellows lose
nothing by giving our elders a
start. My father, you know,
sometime ago wanted to change
the name of our firm. Suggested
it should be called Sours & An-
tony Gibes. There's something
Late Member for the City. in it; but on the whole, better
leave things as they are. Antony Gtbbs & Sons known all over the
world ; always embarrassing to change style of an old firm ; so, for
the present, at least, we leave things alone. Come along, Pater;
think I '11 take you home now. Never rush wildly into new engage-
ments ; you've had the excitement of being sworn in, and signing
the roll of Parliament. You hadn't been in the place ten minutes
before Tim Healy gave you a chance of voting on a London City Bill,
and that's enough for one night. By-and-by you shall stay all night
and enjoy yourself in Committee on Irish Land Bill."

So Antony Gibbs and Son went off before dinner. Didn't miss
much ; grinding away at Irish Land Bill; most soul-depressing ex-
perience of modern life ; no heart in it; no reality ; Sage of Oueen
Anne's Gate brings up amendment after amendment, and makes
successive speeches; Seymour Keay does ditto; Shaw-Lefevre
adds new terror to situation by taking voluminous notes which
promise illimitable succession of orations ; House empty; Prince
Arthur has the full length of Treasury Bench on which to lounge.
Occasionally Division-bell rings ; Members troop in by the hundred ;
follow their leaders into Lobby right or left, deciding question they
haven't heard debated, and mere drift of which two-thirds don't
understand.

Brer Fox absent to-night, which precludes possibility of flare-up
in Irish Camp. Tim faithful to his post, but lacks inspiration of
contiguity to Brer Fox.

" Parnrll's played out," said Tim, referring'in course of evening
to Brer Fox's reception in his latest run through Ireland. "He
may ramp and roar here, but his game's up in Ireland."

" And is he resigned to the situation ?" I asked.

Tim looked at me, half winking his miraculously preserved right

eye-

" Did you ever hear, Toby, what the weeping widow said4to the
parson, who asked, 'Was your husband resigned to die P' 'He
had ter be,' she said, choking a sob."

Business done.—Yery little in the Irish Land Bill.

Tuesday. — Mr. G-.'s presence at Morning Sitting gave only
possible fillip to interminable Debate on Land Purchase Bill. Brer
Fox still away, so comparative peace reigns in Irish Camp. Tim
Healy no one to butt his head against; Colonel Nolan too busy
deploying his army of five men; showing them how to retreat in
good order when Division-bell rings, and how, when it is decided
to vote, they shall pass out through one door, march in at the
other, cross the floor, and look as much as possible as if they were
ten instead of five. T. W. Russell—" Roaring " Rtjssell, as his
old colleague in Temperance fights, Wilfrid Lawson, calls him—
frequently on his legs. At sound of his voice, Mr. G. gets his back
up; interposes interjections and corrections ; and presently, when he
can stand it no longer, plunges into a speech.

Another time Saunder^on draws him. "I am very sorry," said
Mr. G., who has been itching to speak for last half-hour, " that the
hon. and gallant Gentleman has dragged me into debate by gross
misstatements."

Being there, however, Mr. G. eDjoys himself passably well,
grinding Saunderson to powder, and hewing Rtjssell to pieces
before the Lord Strathkden and Campbell, who are sleeping peace-
fully together in the Gallery. " Like the Babes in the Wood," said

Plunket, looking up smilingly at the face in the Gallery, which
looks twice as wise when asleep as the ordinary man does in full
possession of his senses.

"I know," Mr. G. continued, in measured accents of polite scorn,
"that the eloquence of the hon, and
gallant Gentleman (meaning Saunder-
son) is as ungovernable as I am afraid
it is sometimes unprofitable. In the ex-
ercise of the understanding which the
Almighty has given him, he has repre-
sented me as being a supporter of this
Bill."

Words cannot convey adequate im-
pression of the subtlety of emotion
conveyed by this unwonted, perhaps
unprecedented, invocation. An unmis-
takeable, though unspoken, indication
of mingled feeling ■— pity for one so
meagrely endowed, and marvel that,
out of boundless stores, the Deity could,
even in this instance, have been so chary
of gifts.

Business done.—Still less in Com-
mittee on Irish Land Bill.

Thursday. — Rival shows in both
Houses to-night. Lords running the
Newfoundland Delegates at the Bar ; in
the Commons Budget on. On the
whole, Commons drew the fullest
House, to which Jokim descanted
for nearly three hours. If he 'd
taken two, the speech would have
been a third less long, and three
times as successful. Still the
Budget comes but once a year, " Roaring " Russell,

and Chancellor of the Exchequer feels bound to make the most of
opportunity. Pretty plain sailing for first two hours. Then Joeim
ran aground. It was General Stamps that did it all. Appeared
unexpectedly in long list of details setting forth Estimates for
Revenue in coming year. Nobody ever heard before of the General;
thought, at least, he must belong to the Army Estimates. But Jokim
would have him in, spurs and epaulettes, and all.

" General Stamps," he said, regardless of grammar, "have fallen
off." Jokim, in his loose way, omitted to say off what; presumed
to be his horse. House not sorry to hear it; had enough of the
mysterious warrior. But he was up again a few minutes' later.
"General Stamps," Joeim continued., in his airy fashion, "apart
from the Death Duties, I reduce from £6,700,000 to £5,900,000."

"Better reduce him to the ranks at once," said Admiral Field,
who is a terrible martinet.

But Jokim took no notice of the suggestion; floundered along,
bungling terribly. Committtee tried to help him out; that didn't
help matters much. To have a Member in one part of the House
filling up an awkward pause by suggesting "dried fruit," another
"coffee," a third " rum," and a fourth " probate duty," when after
all, Jokim was thinking of the Income . Tax ^or General Stamps,
evidently not designed to advance matters.

" The Committee knows what I mean," Jokim said, piteously,
looking round out of a morass a little deeper than he'd been in lately.
But that is exactly what the Committee didn't do.

"Then," said Jokim, "you'll understand the figures when you
read them in the papers to-morrow." Something in that; House
mollified; still can't help thinking that if it is to wait till next
morning to read report of Chancellor's Budget Speech in order to
understand his statements, some preliminary time might be saved in
the evening.

Business done,—Budget brought in.

Friday Night.—Missed Old Morality from Treasury Bench ;
looked in his room ; found him in arm-chair, collapsed, by fire-
place, with copy of Morning Advertiser in his hand.

"What's the matter P" I asked. "Surely you've not been
reading Jokim's Budget Speech right through!" He certainly
looked as if he had.

"No, Toby," he said; "it's not that; it's the Leader. Haven't
you seen what the Morning Advertiser says about me ? ' For the
first time in our recollection he (that's me) bears on his political
escutcheon a deep smudge of dishonour': and that's all because
Jokim wouldn't take a penny off a barrel of beer, and twopence
off a gallon of spirits. It's the injustice I feel most acutely. It
doesn't seem fair that Mr. Bung should try to intimidate Jokim
by abusing me."

"It is hard," I said; "but it's no use sitting moping here.
Come along into House; they 're in Committee on the Land Bill;
an hour or two of that '11 freshen you up." And it did.

Business done.—Jn Committee on the Irish Land Bill.

NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To tiiis raid
there will be no exception.