Punch: Punch (100.1891)

228 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 9, 1891.

No.220. "A Student" of Alma-Tadema's style. Thomas R. Spence.

No. 231. " Is it one o'clock ? " she said to herself, anxiously. "I
hope luncheon •will be punctual." The picture will be known as
" Grace before Meals," delightfully (of course) painted by Sir John
E. MiXLAis.

No. 232. By the P.R.A. "What's that?" said one well-educated
clerical visitor to his matronly wife. She read it out, pronouncing
it thnsly, "Return of Percy Fone." "What!" exclaimed the
Clergyman. Then, taking the Catalogue into his own hands, he
read " Return of Persephone." "It's pronounced," he informed
his help-mate, " Per-seph-6-ne." "Is it?" she returned, in a tone
expressive of unmitigated incredulity. " Then," she asked suddenly,
as a brilliant idea struck her, "why isn't 'telephone' pronounced
' tel-eph-6-ne' ?" And turning her back on him, would not hear
another word on the subject.

No. 283. Not Crossley, but Kindly. Claude Calthbop.

No. 333. Professor Huxley. By Hon. John Colliee. When it isn't
the Professor, it might serve for Sir Geobge Gbove. Bravo, Honour-
able John ! " Hang him, John Colliee ! " (Shaxspeabe adapted.)

No. 390. A Boy to the very life, or a Life Boy. James Sant, R. A.
It's a picture of Master Hugh Bubdett Monet Coutts. How
well this name will look on a cheque for a cool thousand or so.! But
to see the Hue of health on his cheek is better than seeing the colour
of that Hugh's money.

No. 414. Portrait of Author W. Pineeo, Esq. Painted by Joseph
Moedecai, who has done to Author Pineeo what Haman would
have done to Moedecai, i e., hung him.

No. 439. Sitting for Don Quixote. William E. Lockhaet.

No. 459. Stiff Collar Day ; or, Just Back from the Wash, " And,
confound it! she's been washing my shirt and tie together, and
spoilt 'em both. Wish I had another lot ready, but haven't, so
must go to Academy as I am," said Waltee S-Wash-Bdcklee
Lethbeidge, and finished up with an impetuous and irrepressible
"Hang it! " "I will," replied the Artist, John Pettie, R A.

No. 544. Josephine Grimaldina ; or, Female Clown, the next
novelty in Pantomime, dedicated to the author and composer of
VEnfant Prodigue. John S. Sabgent.

No. 667. Feeling his Bumps ; or, Phrenology in the Olden Time."
Eknest Nobmasd.

No. 651. Gentleman ready for riding, but no spurs. " Where the
deuce have I put them p" he is evidently saying. "All ready but
that. Can't find 'em anywhere ! " A picture which quite tells its
own (Julian) Stoby.

THE RIGHTS AND WRONGS OF LABOUR.

{At the service of the Ch-nc-U-r of the Exch-gu-r, if he purposes writing a

Prophetic Homance.)

Macaulay's New Zealander had arrived prematurely. London
Bridge was not reduced to its centre pier, and St. Paul's Cathedral
was certainly not in ruins. Still there was an uncanny look about
town. On the Embankment electric tram-cars were running, but
they seemed to be little patronised. Here and there he noticed a
pedestrian leisurely going his way, but the side-walks appeared, to
all intents and purposes, abandoned. At length he reached a garden-
seat, upon which was sprawling a Typical Working Man. The New
Zealander gave this interesting individual " Good morning," and
made some common-place remark about the weather.

"Fine day!" returned the T. W. M., rather surlily. "Well,
what does it matter to me ? If it rains, I stay at home ; if it don't,
why I don't either."

"I am a stranger seeking for information," explained the New
Zealander; " so I am sure you will excuse me if I ask you how much
do you pay for your house ? "

" Pay for my house ! " ejaculated the T. W. M. " Why, nothing
of course! And I pay nothing too for my sons at Oxford, and the
girls at Cambridge. And I get my clothes free, and my food comes
in gratuitously. Why, you must be a stranger if you don't know
that! Why everything and anything is paid by the Government-
out of the Income Tax."

" And don't you ever work ? "

"Work! bless you, no. I can't afford to work! If I did, I
should have to pay the Income Tax myself ! " returned the T. W. M.,
with a grin.

" Then who does contribute to this evidently highly-important
source of revenue ? "

" Why, the professional men, under Schedule D ! " cried the hardv
son of toil. "The authors with families, and the City clerks. All
that set, you know. They pay the Income Tax, sure enough. It's
as much as they can do to keep bodies and souls together. But some-
body must pay—why not they ?—pay for themselves—and for me! "

The Dumb Show.—It sounds odd that the serious pantomime,
L1 Enfant Prodigue, the play without words, should be " the talk of
London."

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

" George Hotel" Billsbury, Friday, April 25th.—Arrived this
morning in order to attend a " Monstre Open Air Conservative Fete,"
which was held in the grounds of the Billsbury Summer Palace.
The programme was a very attractive one. First, there was a '' re-
ception of town and county delegates and their ladies " by the Earl
and Countess of Rochevieille. The Earl is a scrubby little fellow
i of about sixty, who looks more

like an old-clothes-man than
anything else. Norman noses
—at least their descendants in
this generation—are curiously
like the Semitic variety some-
k times. The name is pro-
||, nounced "Rovail," and both
H the Earl and Countess get blue
H with rage if anybody makes a
^ mistake about it, as nearly all
|\ the delegates did. They stood
«^ on a raised dais, and received
|j>\ delegates' addresses to the
III number of about thirty. Lady
||p Rochevieille is a stout lady
III —very. It was a blazing hot

^01§7.f ^^^=l^^^^~Wk iy ^a^' an<^ 8^e was " overcome "
t~$Sg(j^^W\ !i ^^wU^ 3U8* as 8Qe was shaking hands
l^^^g^P' X with Colonel and Mrs. Chor-

nPjM*' T&Sr - 'r^ KLE) who were accompanied
" by Benjamin Disbaeli
Canvas and Scrutiny. Choeele. The rest of the

Chobexe family, including Williamina Henbietta Smith Chobebe,
who was in a nurse's arms, were somewhere about, the grounds look-
ing for the " Magic Haunts of the Fairy Bulbul," and eating enormous
quantities of macaroons, which I had given them. Colonel Chobkle
rather lost his head when Lady R. collapsed. He made an effort to
pick her up, but had to drop her heavily on the boards of the dais.
Eventually, however, she was carried away and revived, and the
proceedings went on. There were Conservative merry-go-rounds,
Conservative negro-minstrels, Conservative acrobats and Conservative
dancing bears, distributed about the grounds. I was taken about by
Alderman Moffat and Hollebone, who introduced me right and left
to^hundreds of my supporters and their wives and daughters. At the
end of it all I felt as if I had got a heavy sort of how-do-you-do smile
regularly glued on my face. One of my chief supporters is an under-
taker named Jobson. Hollebone brought him up to me and said, "Mr.
Jobson, permit me to introduce you to our popular young Candidate,
Mr. Pattle. Mr. Pattle let me have the honour of introducing you
to our popular young undertaker, Mr. Jobson." Gave me rather a
shock, but Jobson seemed quite a pleasant man.1! His wife was there
too, gorgeously dressed in red plush with an Indian shawl on_ her
shoulders, and a sealskin muff. She must have felt the heat horribly.

Later in the afternoon there was a political meeting, at which we
all spoke, but we had to make it short, as everybody was anxious
to get away to the "Refined Musical Melange (with incidental
dances) of the Sisters Wileins," which was held in a specially erected
tent. Fireworks, illuminations, and dancing, ended the affair.

April 26.—Was made an Oddfellow to-day. Initiation didn't last
long. Chobele and Jebbam were initiated with me, and we all had
to make speeches afterwards, declaring our devotion to the great
cause of Oddfellowship. Afterwards sentiments were called for.
The only one I remember was given by a man called Tabset, a
tailor, who seems to be rather famous for this kind of thing. After
holding his hand to his head for some time, and knittin? his brows, he
cleared his throat, and said, in a loud voice,—"May the tear of true
sympathy crystallise as it falls, and be worn as a radiant jewel upon
the ringer of affliction." This was vociferously applauded. I con-
gratulated Tabsey afterwards, and paid him a compliment about it.
He told me he found it a great relief, after a hard day's work in the
shop, to throw off a sentiment or two. He's going to publish a book
of them, and I've had to subscribe for six oopies,'at half a guinea each.

Fbom a Watchful Obseeveb.—Sib,— The'other day I saw
advertised in a shop-window, "The Invisible Trouser Stretcher."
Who wears " Invisible Troupers" ? Do you remember the story of
The Emperor of Chiia's Clothes ?— when they all cried, "He's got
'em on," and he hadn't. That Invisible Trousers should exist is
quite enough stretch of imagination without any further stretcher.—
Yours, The Day Watchman.

Mbs. R. at the Opeba.—Mrs. Ramsbotham Junior went to hear
La Traviata. She expressed her sympathy with Violetta between
two Gourmands. Remarking on the touching finish to the con-
verted Traviata's career, Mrs. R. observed that it reminded her of
the poet's line about " She who stopped to cough, remained to pray."

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