Punch: Punch (100.1891)

Mat 16, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

239

THE A B C OP IBSENITY.

A is the Abcheb who booms in the World,
B is the Banner of Ibsen unfurled.
C the Commotion it makes for the minute,
D is the Doll's House, and all there is in it.
E is the Eagerness shown in the fray,
F the Fanatics, who will have their way.
G is a Ghost, and oh! there are lots of 'em,
H is Heredity, making pot-shots of 'em.
I is the Ibsenite so analytic,
J is the Jeer of the Philistine critic.
K is a Kroll, and a Pastor is he,
L is a Lady, who comes from the Sea.
M is the Master, speak soft as you name him,
N stands for Norway, so eager to claim him.
0 his Opponents, who speak out their mind,
P stands for Punch, where his dramas you '11 find.
Q, is the Question, should Rosmer have wed her ?
K is Rebecca, who took such a header. _
S, is the Speaker, which gets quite excited,
T is the Temper, it shows uninvited.
U the Unquestioning Faith of the some,

V is the Vaudeville, where they all come.
W stands for the Worshipping Few,

X their Xtreme disproportionate view.

Y ends Ibsenity, and, as everyone knows,
Z brings an alphabet rhyme to a close.

our booking-office.

The Diary of a Pilgrimage occupies 175 pages of one of Abbow-
smith's three-and-sixpenny books, and no doubt the admirers of
its author, Mr. Jeboue K. Jebome, may possibly not grudge this
amount when gauging its value by its attractive cover. It is
'"Abet Abroad," that's all. 'Aeby Abroad laughs and talks
loudly in foreign churches, sneers and jeers at everything he does
not understand—and this includes the greater portion of all he sees
and hears—chaffs puzzled officials, and everywhere makes himself
highly and exceptionally popular. In this Diary 'Abby is occa-
sionally rather amusing when he is endeavouring to be either
serious or sentimental, or both. 'Abby serious or 'Abby sentimental,
or 'Abby sentimentally serious and expecting to be taken at his own
valuation, is of course delightful, only a little of it goes a great way,
and this Cockney pilgrim goes too far, especially when giving us his
valuable opinion on the Passion Play. 'Abby on the Passion Play,
and the character of Judas Iscabiot ! As Hedda Gaoler's husband
observes on every possible opportunity—" Fancy that.' " Only once
the Baron finds himself in agreement with the travelling 'Abby,
and this happens when he says, " I must candidly confess that the
English-speaking people one meets with on the Continent are,

ROBERT ON ENGLISH AND FOREIGN WAITERS.

Well, things is cumming to a pretty pass, things is, when I'm
acshally told that, as it used to be said formerly, "Xo Hirish need
apply for nothing," so now, we are told, that no English Waiters
need apply at the Royal Xawal Xhibishun unless he bes a German !

ROYAL NAVAL
EXHIBITION

NO ENGLISH NEED
APPLY.

"Rule, Britannia, Britannia rules rthe Waves!
For Britons never, never, NEVER
Shall be Slaves ! »
Robert the Waiter. "What's this 1 'No English need apply 1

tTk^TwhoTe, r^«t dU^ble ^ntin^ t7s ce^ainly! °™ takkk' I This « < Bkitons neveb sii.ll be

when they are all 'Arries. Set an 'Abby to catch an 'Abby, and of i slaves with a vengeance !

course to the regular right-down 'Abby all other 'Abbies, not 11 never knowed as Jack Tars, and Powder-Munkys, and Admerals
'appnin' to 'ave the Aonour of being 'is own parties, are detestably ; (as is so fond of Port, that they takes the werry name), was so werry
vulgar cads. The remainder of the book, i.e., 131 pages, is padded i parshal to Germans, that they woud sooner go without their dinners
with essays, a fact not mentioned on the outside of the work, which, I and tease, than be waited on by any other gennelmen, most suttenly
like charity, covers a multitude of sins. Whether this is quite a ! not. " O contrare," as the French Waiters says. It'ud be a jolly

fair way of stating contents, is a question which the Baron supposes
both Publishers and Author.have thoroughly considered.

Don't skip Ellen Tebby's Memoirs in The New Review. Nothing
much in them, but delightfully chatty and amusing. See Murray's
Magazine for Mr. Gladstone on the Murray Memoirs, in the
number for the "Murray Month of May." When you are routing
about for something short and amusing, take up the Cornhill, and
read A F^ash in the Pan. I have commenced, says the Baron,
ray friend Geobge Mebedith's One of Our Conquerors. Xow O. M.
is an author whose work does not admit of the healthy and graceful
exercise of skipping. Here the skipper's occupation is gone. G. M.'s
work should be taken away by the reader far from the madding
crowd and perused and pondered over. If Ponder's End be the
tranquil place its name implies, then to that secluded spot betake
yourself with your Geobge Mebedith, 0 happy iand studious
reader, and ponder in peace.

Since the time of Richard Fever el, which I shall always consider
his best, " of the very best" as Zebo of the Monte Carlo Bar has it,
G. M. has developed into a gold-beater of epigrams. What once
served him as a two-line epigram, is now spread out over a couple of
pageB. Two volumes instead of three would serve his turn far better,
or rather the public's turn, for his own is a very peculiar one. But to
my task, says the Baron, give me a slight refresher and a suck at the
lemon as it were, or a sip of the lemonade, and at him again.
Festina lente. More anon from

The Babon de Book-Wobms.

long time, I shood think, before your real British Sailers wood learn
to call a Waiter a Gasson, tho' as it means, I'm told, a Boy, there
is sum little sense in it, coz there's, in course, Old Boys as well as
yung ones ; but what on airth meaning is there in a Kelner ! as
I'm acshally told all German Waiters insists on being called! Why
the thing 's too absurd to tork about.

Besides the British Publick is used to our little ways, as we are
quite used to theirn, and they talk to us in that nice eonfidenshal tone
about the different wines, et setterer, as no true Born Englishman
ewer yet spoke to a Frenchman, much less a German. No, no, the
hole thing's a mistake, as will soon be found out. And what a groce
injustice to the native article. These sollem-looking Germans, not
content with pushing our poor sons from their stools in our counting-
houses, as Macbeth says, must now cum and take the werry bread out
of their poor Father's mouths. Oh pale-faced shame, where's your
blush ? And think too of their himperance. Why they are acshilly
a going for to have a hexibition of their own, here in Lundon, and
does anyone think as they '11 write up on the gate3, " Only English
Waiters need apply ? " Why the hidear is ridiclous, but where's the
difference I should like to kno. No, no, no one can kno better than I
do, from a long and waried xperienee, from the Grand old City, the
ome of ospitality and turtle soup, to the "Grand" and " Metropole,"
the omesof lucksury and refinement, that the British Public likes his
British Waiter, he likes his nice respecful ways, the helligent Bow
with which he ands him his At, and the graceful hair with which he
receeves his little doosure. Robebt.