Punch: Punch (100.1891)

244

[May 23, 1891.

MR. PUNCH'S PRIZE NOVELS.

No. XVIII.—MARIAN MUFFET : A ROMANCE OF BLACXMORE.

{By R. D. Exmoor, Author of "Born a Spoon;" "Paddock Rowel;"
" Wit and Witty;" " Tips for Harriers;" "Scare a Fawn;"
" 'Brellas for Rain," etc., efec., etc.)

[" This," writes Mr. Exmoor, "is another of my simple tales. Tet I send
it forth into the world thinking that haply there may be some, and they not
of the baser sort, who reading therein as the humour takes them, may draw
from it nurture for their minds. For truly it is in the nature of fruit-trees,
whereof, without undue vaunting;, I may claim to know somewhat, that the
birds of the air, the tits, the wrens, ay, even unto the saucy little sparrows,
whose firm spirit in warfare hath ever been one of my chiefest marvels, should
gather in the branches seeking for provender. So in books, and herein too I
have some small knowledge, those that are of the ripest sort are ever the first
to be devoured. And if the public be pleased, how shall he that made the book
feel aught but gratitude. Therefore I let it go, not being blind in truth to the
faults thereof, but with humble confidence too in much compensating merit."]

Chapter I.

Fate, that makes sport alike of peasants and of kings, turning

hath seemed to me. Next to her sat Sallt, the little milkmaid,
casting coy glances at mother, who would have none of them, but
with undue sternness, as I thought then, and still think, tossed them
back to the shame-faced Sally. Lower down sat John Tookeb,
" Girt Jaw Dotjbleeace " he was ever ealled, not without a sly hint
of increasing obesity, for John, though a mighty man of thews
and sinews, was no small trencherman, and, as the phrase is, did
himself right royally whenever porridge was in question. All these
sat, peaceably swallowing, while I, at the table's foot, faced mother,
stirring my'steaming bowl with my forefinger, forgetting the heat
thereof, bnt not daring to wince, lest Betty, whose tongue cut
shrewdly when she had a mind, should make sport of me.

Chapter III.

Although: I had, for the most part, so very stout an appetite that
my bowl stood always first for the refilling, I had no desire for my
food that day, but idly sat and stirred, and the burden of my
thoughts wore deeply inward with the dwelling of my mind on this
view and on that of it. But, on a sudden, what a turmoil, what a
rising of maids, what a jumping on chairs, what a drawing up of
gowns, and what a scurrying 1 For, out of a corner, comes the great

the one to honour and a high seat, ^\ brown rat, gliding sedately, and

and making the other to lie low e^~^\ never so much as asking by your

in the estimation of men, though 1t> .__4 K leave or with your leave. Then

haply (as 'tis said in our parish) 4yj'|| fifl^- m mother's old tom-eat, Trouncer,

he think no small beer of himself, r^fff j wL^^fe*"—^ i'!1' slowly rising, stretches his limbs,

hath seemingly ordained that I, HjijB 7H^p°"''K; sn' and bares his claws, making ready

Thomas Tlddleb, should set down ^0|f || dpfr *M Mg; f'J\y'/jL'fl\, for what is to come, but not, me-

in order some doings wherein I Y</j'fi| jgfflk, JJiij^ b!^/.'*?/ ^.m\.< ! '■ k> vJ? thinks, with much alacrity for the

had a share. And herein I make '^M^Lj^^c if IKi •* " ^Bi* *H / !w ^J^3—. conflict, for rats have teeth, as

no show of learning, being but an " • V J f ' af^sV' ^s—^ Troimcer knows—ay, and can use

nndoctrined farmer and not skilled IjlTl j" - j jfc£3\ i .1 f^£-<;i^3i'*•' r~ V ' "' ^ them to much purpose. Therefore

in the tricks of style, as the word "x; ft.;V. ■fl^ i %^ P*^iB.• A'- v. • Nffe^L— Trouncer, making belief to be

is in these parts, but trusting 1 .' NB^ • .'■'-£§ j. ~aj^Br-i 9.y^ti/ '• brave, as is the custom both of

simply to strength and honesty m. :•■ ^L0(i&B^&^Mf%I'I:.'•///< • '■ '• ■'• JP/Si*;' cat* and of others that walk on

(whereof, God knows, there is but J^' ff^iV^ /.''rtBtwo legs, and have thumbs to

little beyond the limits of our j ^M\" ^d\'X:^''\M." y ./"^V ■ ' /',■/'•■''"'': ' their fore-paws, gathers himself

farm), and to that breezy carriage / 1/ V |i y ' " J /^i.-:-Mf/ ■} ■ Jug to the spring, but springs not.

of the pen which f avoureth a plain Mb ■. y , Jl I 'XM 'j j Then comes Girt Jan's terrier,

man treading sturdily the winding JSw' ' \ ■' wf t ■'/■ r Rouser, at last—where hath the

paths and rough places of his native Jfflr ~T.-'" • M$'''M\ i \^ /.. terrier been tarrying? Terriers

tongue. Notwithstanding I take ''mt's/ Efll''wi lii1 i r' 'A 1 snoidd not tarry—and, with scant

no small encouragement from this, .1 |-||iH^p^ II M\ ['''■'■/aV\' 1 ceremony, leaps upon Trouncer.

that whereas of those that have i Mfj\\ Mlp^WfcJ \\\\p\ [I* '{.-.'AX i'jj Cuff, cuff, go the claws. Trouncer

made to my knowledge the bravest '■ 'jfflln Vs Rft^-f'' \-'/- I swears roundly. Nay, Trouncer,

boasting and the loudest puffing ■Mm. v, \v — /Iffl'lii ^V. • •J Vr^^i/•' • ' :"} ■''-■• 'tis a coward's part to fly beneath

(though of this I am loth to speak, #£'M> l\\ ^ hISmI'^C^J-'*'' ': v'.'-'-".^'/ ' '. I the chair. To him, good Jtouser,

never having had a stomach for the jKvI3\ |\ fllfilifflpf.Iji'i! ^^^^^^^^^^£'' to him, my man. But Rouser

work), the writings often perish m^-^' ] \ x^lf^lfflilllli!^^^^^^^^^^^ j hath forgot the claw - bearer,

neglectfully and nothing said, iMw^f-***^__|^^MtEl™|| 1™^-!/^^^^^^^^^^^--'' though his bleeding nose for many

some, writing afar in quiet places Mffl/-^p| /'fliT^ " /ih K^l^t^^Mi^^Ml^M'*^^^^^^!!-^^^^^^^^—^^^^^ '' a 8^a^ remember. Rouser
removed from the busy rabblement «k^|;,V '. ' 1 /Jli!PffiiP^ WP1J Wp1':<^?W*\< hath the rat in view. Round the
of towns, not seldom steer their HHL^ •',*►• Iti |jf^W||'T:- |M? |; /¥ \ \ parlour they go, helter-skelter,
course to fame and riches, whereof, IjfifflMp^ ,', fis-'^/'y^ Rouser on the tracks of the life-
thanks be to Heaven, I never yet '^1111L <il%x ■ .' it 111 iplMyllra'i k$: W^f^W^^w m * v'w V* desiring rat, while the maids upon
had covetonsness, deeming theirs ilraBKl^aMlBillilMI ff iiraVipwlf!i;''' :\ tbe chairs show ankles, in proof
the happier lot to whom a dry crust ''' T^^TT^- ^^M#-^l % ^m^M .^f - i I of terror, until, lo ! he hath him
with haply a slice of our good coun- . MI feakii^fe,v. v ^^^^^^^^-S^^ji $kM$t:^ 'M^A Pmne<i fast, never more to stir,
try cheese and a draught of the d&fc^^^^b^^^^^'/^^W"? or c^ean tis whiskers in rat-land,
foaming cider bring contentment. ;ZHlf 'W g.\ v, .%^^^2EEE£i&3^>^^£= Mr'' And then all come down, and

Each to his own fashion, say I, and fc*^' -==:5^^^S^®N^^^^^^^^4 Jan boasts loudly how he all bnt

the fashion of the Tiddlers hath £TR--~_ -^SES&&=^'®^^s=r' trod him flat, ay, and could have

always been in a manner plain and > done so had rat not fled in terror

' of his boot; and Trouncer returns, smugly purring, and mother
rates the blushing maids.
And I to the fields, having work to do, but liking not the doing.

unvarnished, like to the large oak press wherein mother stores her
Sunday gown and other woman's finery such as the mind of man,
being at best but a coarse week-day creature, hath never fairly con-
ceived. But lo ! I am tarrying on my way, losing myself in a maze
of cheap fancies, while the reader perchance :yawns and stretches
his limbs as though for bed. All I know is paper and ink are
cheaper than when I began to write.

Chap-tee II.

Now it fell on a Summer morning, I being then but newly come
home from the Farmers' College, in the ancient town of Cambridge,
that our whole household was gathered, together in our parlour.
Mother sat by the head of the great table, ladling out a savoury mess
of porridge, not rashly, as the custom of some is, but carefully, like
a prudent housewife, guarding her own. And by her side sat Moilt
and Betty, her daughters, and next to them the maids, and they
that pertained to the work of the house. First came old Polly
Thistledew, gaunt of face, and parched of skin, the wrinkles
running athwart her face, and over her hooked nose, like to the
rivers drawn with much labour of meandering pen in the school-
boys'maps, though for such my marks were always low, I being
better skilled in the giving of raps with the closed fist than in the
making of maps with inky fingers-a bootless toil, as it always

Chapter IV.

Now I with Rouser at my heels went manfully on m> way. Gaily
I went over the parched brown wastes where lately the flood had lain
heavy upon the land, past the whispering copses of fir and beech and
oak that top the upland, through the yellowing corn that stands
waving golden promise in the valley, till I came to where the land
bends suddenly with a sharp'turn from the eastward whence a pearly
brook, now swollen to a roaring torrent, babbles bravely over the
stones. Sudden I stopped as though a palsy had gripped me, though of
the.Tiddlers, as is well known, none hath ever suffered of a palsy,
they being for the most part a lusty race, and apt for enduring
moisture both within and without. Never till my dying day shall
I forget the sight that met my eyes. For there seated upon a tuffet,
her beautiful blue eyes fixed in horror and despair, her jug of curds
and whey scarce tasted, was my Marian, while beside her, lolling
at ease with the slothful stretch of his great limbs, and the flames
as of Tophet in his fierce eyes sat Spider, the great black-haired
giant Spider that would make a feast of her.

I know not how I ran, nor what mighty strength was in my limbs,