Punch: Punch (100.1891)

May 23, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.

249

Dealer1 s Man [confidentially), "Nice 'Oss, Sir. Just suit yoe, Sir. Nice peemiscuous 'Oss, Sie !—you can Sit on em

a'most anyweere I "

LEAYES EROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

Bilhbury, May 5.—Received the following letter from Tollakd
yesterday:—

Deae Me. Pattle ^> ^a^n Street, Billsbury, May 3.

A Committee Meeting of our Council has been summoned
for the day after to-morrow (May 5) at eight o'clock p.m., at the
Beaconsfield Club, to consider some important questions affecting
your Candidature and the plan of campaign to be adopted in prose-
cuting it. I trust that you may be able to make it convenient to
attend, and shall be glad to receive a wire from you to this effect.
I may mention to you that I have lately heard, in confidence, tbat
Sir Thomas Chtjbson's health is causing considerable anxiety to the
Radical leaders here. He has attended very few divisions lately,
and has offended many of the advanced section by his conduct over
the Strike Subvention Bill, which was backed by the Labour Mem-
bers. Sir Thomas, however, abstained from the division on the
Second Reading. It is just possible that, under the circumstances,
he may decide to apply for the Cbiltern Hundreds very shortly, and
we must be prepared for every emergency.

Yours faithfully, James Tolland.

It was a confounded nuisance. I had arranged to take the Bellamys
to the Scandinavian Exhibition this afternoon, and to dine and go to
the theatre with the Jacksons. Had to put off everything. Mary
Bellamt will be dreadfully annoyed. Wrote specially to her to
apologise and explain. They 're sure_ to get that beast Pomfeet to
take them instead. He 'a always hanging round. Last week he wrote
a lot of verse in Maey's Confession Album, in this style (I copied
some of it out, in order to Bhow it to Vt/lliamy, who hates him):—
Though, when he's asked his favourite name, a man is apt to stare, he
Must answer, if he knows what's what, "My fayouiite name is Maby."

And this :— The vice I detest and abhor above all

Is not dancing four times with you at a ball.

And this, in answer to the question, "What or who would you
rather be, if you were not yourself ? "—

I'd rather be the rosebud that nestles in your hair,

Or the aunt whose hand you took in yours and pressed upon the stair.

They all admired this slip-slop immensely, and Maut asked me,

when I called the other day, if I didn't think it wonderfully clever.
I know, when I wrote my answers in her album, it took me days of
thought to get them done in prose, and even then they turned out the
most ordinary, commonplace things. However I thought they pleased
Mart, and now Pomfeet steps in with his confounded rhymes.
Mrs. Bellamy's father once published a volume of verse, and is still
talked of in the household as "your grandfather the poet." She
told me that she thought " a faculty for versification was the mark
of a truly refined and delicate mind." Bah! Pomfeet's one of
the most selfish and calculating ruffians outside a convict prison,
and always haggles over his luncheon bills at the Club, till the head-
waiter and all the rest nearly go off their heads.

However, I had to come to Billsbury, nilly-willy. Met the Com-
mittee after dinner. They were anxious that I should do some can-
vassing soon, and wanted me, when next I spoke, to explain myself
more fully (1) on the Temperance Question and the question of
Compensation to Publicans ; (2) on .the Women's Suffrage Question ;
(3) on the Labour Question; (4) on Foreign Policy; and (5) with
reference to the Billsbury Main Drainage Scheme. I said 1 would,
but I should probably require more than one speech to do it in.
Afterwards a very solemn member of the Committee, whose name I
forget, got up and. made a long speech, in which he observed that my
habit of appearing in dress clothes at the meetings had annoyed a
good many of my supporters, and that he ventured to suggest to me,
for my own good, that I should wear ordinary dress. It seems a
good many of the lower_ lot thought it looked uppish. I'm glad
enough not to have to do it any more. There were other points, but
I'm too tired to remember them. By the way, I have subscribed to
about a dozen more Clubs and Institutions, and have promised to get
Mother to open a bazaar here at the end of the month. Baok to
London to-morrow. What a life !

The Latest "Labor Program."
{By a New- Unionist.)

I am all for myself, and 'tis perfectly true
That the " labor » I love is regardless of " u."
But, per contra, informing my "program" you see
Though I wink (with two I's), I eliminate "me."