Punch: Punch (100.1891)

May 30, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

257

A RARE CHANCE.

Mr. Snobbin hiring a Hack to ride dovm to the Derby,
Horse-Owner. " I 'll charge you Thirty Bob for the day,

Guv'NOR ; or—look here !—gimme t\vo pound, and you may keep
him ! "__

CODLINGSBY JUNIOR;

OR, A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK.

Being Fragments of a Forthcoming Political Fri::e Novel,

[In a letter to The Times on "Party Organisation," Mr. Coningsby
Disbaeli vigorously rallus the Tory Party on their "eternal aiid infernal
apathy." He say», " Since we have borrowed some Liberal principles, let us
borrow some Liberal tactics, and introduce what I would call the Schnad-
horstian methods into our councils of war. They, at least, have the merit of
success."]

* * * * * *

It was Codlingsby Junior, who saved the Vraibleusian Party
after the battle of Bahborough. By sending a stern and staccato
epistle to the " Jupiter Tonans " ; by praising (and imitating) Colonel
De Caucusing, the real inspiring spirit in the camp of the victorious
Geandolman, the march of the Hubbabub army was stopped—the
menaced empire of Vraibleusia was saved from the flowing tide of
Radical ruin ; the Marquis of Strokefogles appeared in a blaze of
triumph that outblazed even the Berlin "Peace with Honour" busi-
ness, and Codllngsby Junior " took the cake."

»***»*

The dinner over, the young men rushed from their Club (White's),
flushed, full fed, and eager for battle. If the Blues were angry, the
Buffs were also on the alert.

"I can have a dinner at any hour," said Codllngsby Junior;
"but a Blue and Buff row"—(a shillelagh here flying through the
window crashed "the cake " from Codlingsby's hand)—" a Blue and
Buff row is a novelty to me. The Buffs have the best of it, clearly,
though ; the Cads outnumber the Swells. Ha ! a good blow! How
that burly Caucusite went down before yonder slim young fellow in
the primrose pants! "

"That is the Lord Tlddlempops," said a companion. "A light
weight, but a pretty fighter," Codllngsby remarked. " "Well hit
with your left, Lord Tlddlempops ; well parried, Lord Tlddlempops ;
claret drawn, by Jingo!"

" He never can be going to match himself against that Wire-
puller ! " Codllngsby exclaimed, as an enormous Caucusite—no other
than Schnaddy, indeed, the famous ex-Brummagem bruiser, before
whose fists the Blues went down like ninepins—fought his way
up to the spot where, pluckily, but a little too negligently, Tiddlem-
pops and one or two of his young friends were bringing aristocratic

laissezfaire to bear against the fortiter in re of the fighting Caucusite
Cads.

The young _ noble faced the huge champion with the languid
gallantry of his race, but was no match for the enemy's brawn and
biceps, and went down in every round. His organisation, in fact,
though fine, was not sufficiently firm and well-knit to face the
sinewy and skilful Schnaddy. The brutal fellow, who meant
business, had no mercy on the lad, who meant larks. His savage
treatment chafed Codllngsby Junior, as he viewed the unequal
combat from White's window.

" Hold your hand I " he cried to the Goliath. " Don't you see he's
but a novice ? "

" Down he goes again! " the wiry Wirepuller cried, not heeding
the interruption. " Down he goes again ! I like whopping a
swell! "

"Coward!" shouted Codlingsby. "The sight makes me feel
quite Dizzy. A Codlingsby to the rescue ! " and to fling open the
window, amidst a shower of malodorous missiles, to vault over the
balcony, and slide down one of the pillars to the ground, baring his
steely biceps in the process, and shying the "castor" from his curly
locks with all_ the virile grace of the Great Earl, was the work of
exactly five-sixths of a seoond.

At the sixth-sixth he stood before the enormous Wirepuller.

" Schnaddy, my'Jboy," he exclaimed, "I'm going to fight you with
your own weapon—and wallop you. Look to yourself, churl
Caucusite I"

'' Dizzy's Double, by all that's theosophical! " faltered Schnaddy,

shrinking at once to half his previous size, under the influence of the

startling sight, and the yet more startling "spank" from young

Dizzy's dexter bunch-of-fives.

******

When Schnaddy, after six weeks' bed and bandaging, at last
came out of hospital, his occupation as Wirepuller was gone.
Codlingsby Junior had stepped into his shoes, and the late
"Organiser of Victory " and his Party had not "the least little bit of
a look in."

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Baron's Assistant Reader has been dipping into Robert
Browning—Essays and Thoughts, by John T. Nettleship. (Elkin
Mathews, Vigo Street.) He advises all other readers to grasp his
nettleship boldly. At last the Baron's A. R. thinks he understands
"Childe Roland," after reading the twenty-five pages which Mr.
Nettleship devotes to the explanation of this noble but tantalising
poem. Mr. Nettleship's attitude is that of a fervent, but humble
disciple, for whom his Master's every word possesses deep and subtle
meanings. He believes with George Eliot that " the words of
genius bear a wider meaning than the thought which prompted
them." That of course gives him unlimited scope, and sometimes
makes the explanations long ; but every lover of Browning will find
in the book a great deal of sound and helpful criticism well expressed.
Buy the book and see for yourself, says the Baron's A. R.

Fascinating is Oscar Wilde's paper "On the Decay of Lying,"
which is the first essay in a book of his entitled Intentions, If it be
true that the art of lying is decaying
—but, stay! how can anyone take the
word of a professor of the art of lying
for this or any other fact P No, his
motto must be, "See me reverse."
Not that by suggesting this motto I
would for a moment be understood
as expressing a wish for Oscar's once
again dropping into poetry — that
Oscar should once again take to the
other sort of Lyre; far from it. No; let
him remain the head professor of tbe
gay science of mendacity in the Cretan Tae Art of Ly^g.

College. Now, when a Professor and

double M.A., i.e., Master of the Mendacious Art in the Cretan College,
says or writes one thing, he must be taken as meaning exactly the
opposite. Otherwise he is no Cretan, and must be degraded from his
Professorship. Bearing this in mind, the essay is, as I have said, in
matter most amusing, and in style charming. Remember, my reader,
that whosoever and whatsoever is blamed, abused, or flouted in this
essay, is really being praised, lauded, and adulated to the skies by
the Cretan critic. But when the M.M.A. writes on other subjects,
are we to trust him? there's the difficulty. So after the first essay,
which is hereby recommended by the Faoulty, the Baron puts the book
aside. " Caute legendum," says The gAB0N DE Book-Worms.

an old-eashioned buffer on balfour s bill.

State-aided purchase ? That sounds mighty well
I look on it as a State-aided Sell!