Punch (100.1891)

June 6, 1891.]

267

THE VICTORY ROAD-CAR.

To Ply to and from the Naval Exhibition.

You Portuguese Tappertit, turn it up, do !

D 'ye think I '11 be stopped by a monkey like you ?

My Mash, tbat young -woman ! "Will you bar our meeting ?

We 're sweethearts. Will you interfere -with our tryst ?
You pert whippersnapper, my sable-skinned sweeting

My masculine wooing's too wise to resist.
Shall Rhodes be cut out by a small Portuguee,
With a gun and a swagger ? Pooh! Fiddle-de-dee 1

We've put up too long with your pranks, my fine fellow,
Because of your size, upon which you presume.

Oh. it's no use to twirl your moustache and look yellow!
Mean having that gal, howsoever you fume.

You'd better behave yourself, boy, or no doubt

Before very long we shall clean you right out.

Look at home, keep your own ways a little bit clearer,
And don't go a-blocking up other folks' roads.

Eh ? You warn me off her ? /mustn't come nearer ?
Ha, ha! My good-nature your impudence goads.

Clear out, whilst you're safe, you young shrimp! Don't be
rash!

For I shan't let you come between me and my Mash!

A Last Wobd on the what-you-may-Cal-debon Picture.—It
isn't often that one of " the inferior clergy," represented by a Clarke
in orders, is pitted against an " Abbott," as recently happened in

the discussion about Mr. Calderon's
picture of " St, Elizabeth's Heroic Act
of Renunciation.'" In this instance the
Clarke got the better of the Abbott, and
t he others, including Professor Huxley,
who is always ready to rush in and in-
vite somebody to tread on the tail of his
coat, were nowhere. The Times issues
its fiat, concluding the arguments on
both sides—"The Times has spoken,
causa finita est "—and the picture will
remain one of the chief attractions in
the Royal Academy Exhibition until such time as it ascends to the
undisturbed OilyEium of The Happily Immortals. In the meantime,
being on the line, Mr. Calderon will be perfectly satisfied
if his picture be generally recognised as " St, Elisabeth of Well

TT.________)l

RECIPE.

[Fur a speech in the House of Commons on the proposed adjournmen

for the Derby.)

Take a handful of jokelets and beat them up small,

In sophistical fudge, with no logic at all;

Then pepper the mixture with snigger and jeer;

Add insolent " sauce," and a toupcon of sneer;

Shred stale sentiment fine, just as much as you want,

And thicken with cynical clap-trap and cant,

Plus oil—of that species which "smells of the lamp "—

Then lighten with squibs, which, of course, should be damp ;

Serve up, with the air of a true Cordon Bleu,

And you '11 find a few geese to taste it and praise you !

THE DRAMA THEN AND NOW.

THEN. Scene—Dining'-Room in Mrs. Grundy's House. The
Misses Grtjndy and their Mother discovered at Luncheon.

Eldest Miss G. Oh, Mamma, do take us to see Formosa at Drury
Lane !

Mrs. Grundy. My dear! Why, it's absolutely shocking! All
the papers are ringing with the impropriety! Couldn't possibly
go!

Second Miss G. But, Mamma dear, the Boat-Race Scene is so
excellent. We might sit at the back of the box, and put our fingers
in our ears when you signalled to us.

Mrs. Grundy. Well, as you say, the Boat-Race Scene is excellent,
and as for impropriety, we must ignore it.

[Exeunt to get places for Drury Lane.

NOW. Scene as before, Time and situation as before, Company

as before.

Eldest Miss G. Oh, Mother darling, do take us to see Formosa at
Drury Lane !

Mrs. Grundy. Certainly. I hear the Boat-Rica Scene beats the
record.

Second Miss G. It is simply magnificent, and the dialogue is so
interesting. Twenty years ago they said it was improper! As
Ibsen would observe, " Only fancy that! "

Mrs. Grundy. Did they t Well, as you say, the Boat-Race Scene
is excellent; and as for the impropriety,—in these days of Ghosts,
Pillars of Society, and Dancing Girls, we haven't time to notice it!
Hung-ary" I [Exeunt to get places for Drury Lane.