Punch: Punch (100.1891)

Junb 8, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

269

HOW LONG?

Extracts from a Tragic International Romance, written up to date.

The Government makes no sign or move, though people who think

are clamouring and asking " How long shall such things he ? "

* » » * * «

They were only a few poor Polish Jews, there might have been a

hundred of them all told, beaten,

scourged, driven by a brutal and

merciless Government to " move on,"

somewhere — anywhere, — it cared

not, so long as they had no abiding

home, no hope of peace, of comfort,

or of even the common necessaries of

existence, and stricken with despair

and overcome with terror, they meet

with their good angel.

• » *

The Middleman, the blessed agent,
to them, of all good, tells them of
the bright free land, where a golden
harvest of profit is waiting them, if they will only realise their " all"
and hand it over to him. "With a shout of joy, in grateful pteans
they sing the praises of their preserver, — and realising all their
worldly wealth and making it over to him, they arrive, greedy, hunger -

Bmitten and expectant, one damp May morning in Whiteohapel.

* » * * * *

They find a native population, struggling in terrible earnest with

want, and taking, through the Sweater who commands the situation,

starvation prices for the making of a coat, for the which, by working

nineteen hours in the day, and reducing life to the slavery of a

living death, they manage to earn two shillings and ninepence !
» » » * • *

The happy 'and eager Polish Jews step in, and see their chance.
Eldorado lies before them. They are asked if they will make the
coat for two shillings and sevenpence. The poor starving foreigners
eagerly clutch at any chance. Who can blame them ? No one. It
is a struggle for life. Fair but false promises have brought them to
these shores, to swell the sum of misery, already, Heaven knows,
high enough! But still they come, keeping np a steady flow of
suffering, and the Government makes no sign or move, thongh people
who think are loudly clamouring, and asking, " How long shall suoh
things be ? " _

WHAT IT MAY COME TO IN LONDON.

{As the Point has been nearly reached in Paris.)

Scene—A Hall devoted to Me. Edison's latest inventions. A Lecturer
acting as Showman to a crowd of possible Customers.

Lecturer. And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I must ask you quickly
to make a selection. We have here wires from all parts of the world
—make your selection. Those who wish to see the kinetograph at
work will please go within. Operas with scenery always on hand.
Here we have only telephones.

Mild Young Lady. Oh, if you please, a friend of mine was married
three weeks ago, and she and her husband are staying at the Grand
Hotel, Paris. Might I hear what they are saying. Here's their
name.

Led. [taking card). Nothing easier. {Speaking through telephone.)
Put us on to Grand Hotel, Paris, Room 1564. {To Customer.) A
shilling please, Madam. Thank you, and here you are.

Mild Y. L. {taking receivers). Oh, thank you. {She places them to
her ears and then drops them hurriedly.) Oh dear me! She has
kept him waiting, and he is using such bad language !j tYou ought
to have told me.

Led. We can't guarantee language. _ Why, would you believe it,
Madam, that sometimes we have complaints of things said in Norway!
Pray Ladies and Gentlemen, make your selection. {To Intelligent-
looking Stranger.) Can I tempt you. Sir ? They are playing a new
piece at Chicago. It is exoellent, I am told—a domestic comedy.
Next week, if it's successful, we shall produce it with scenery and
effects on the kinetograph. Try it, Sir ?

Intelligent Stranger. I don't mind if I do. {Raising receivers.)
Call this a domestic comedy ? Why I can hear firing!

Led. Very strange, Sir. Nothing in the plot to account for it.

Intell. Stran. Stay, you say it's in Chicago ! I know what the
firing means! They don't like the piece, and they are shooting the
Author!

Led. Of course, Sir! {To Small Boy.) ■ And now my little man,
what do you want ?

Small Boy. Please, 8ir, I have got a shilling to spend in hearing
something from somewhere all the world over.

Led. {producing programme). Here is a list of our stations. You
see we have wires laid on to all parts of Europe, Africa, Asia, and

America. Next Tuesday we shall be in communication with
Australia. And now, what will you have ?

Small Boy. I don't know. Something exciting, please.

Led. Well, you can hear, by taking these, a number of Astronomers
discussing in Committee the transit of Venus. Or, if you listen to
these, you will hear a chat about the floating of the next Russian
loan, held in one of the centres of speculation, to wit, the Bourse at
Vienna. Most interesting, I can assure you. Which will you have ?

Small Boy. Oh, please, I don't care for astronomy, and am too
young to understand finance.

Led. Now, here's a Bull Fight—you can distinctly hear the
shouts—and here's a Chinese execution.

Small Boy. Oh, that will be nice. Which shall I have ?

Led. Can't say—you pay your money, and you take your choice !
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am ready for your commands.

\_Attends to other Customers as the Scene closes in. Curtain,

THE VERY WILDEST WEST.

[" The idea of transporting the Coliseum at Home to the shores of Lake
Michigan has been broached in all seriousness. The American Syndicate who
desire to make the Coliseum an attractive feature of the Chicago Exhibition,
rely for success on the financial necessities of the Italian Government."—
Daily Paper.]

(by atlantic cable.)

President H-rr-s-n to King H-m-b-rt,
A Chicago Syndicate has asked me to mention that they want
your Coliseum. What price do you ask ? They would be glad of it
for the World-Fair, which will be about the biggest thing ever seen
on this planet. No trouble to you. We take all risks !t

King H-m-b-rt to President H-rr-s-n.

Cannot discuss Coliseum subject till you've settled New Orleans
lynching business in conformity with International Law.

President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
All rujht. Thought you'd say that. Chicago Syndicate willing

to meet your views about
f "tl,^^^ *, — ''~^ New Orleans. Do you want

leading members of Grand
Jury shipped quietly over to
Italy, or what ? Syndicate
will do anything to oblige.
Says it must have Coliseum,
especially by moonlight. In-
tends starting realistic scenes
with Gladiators, Lions, and
Christian Martyrs.

King H-mb-rt to President
H-rr-s-n.
On reflection, afraid people
here wouldn't like'it. Sorry to have to decline your offer.

President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
You want ready cash. We want Coliseum. Why not strike
bargain ? Syndicate offers five million dollars. Useful for your
next Budget. You can remit no end of taxes. People sure to
like that.

King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Couldn't let it go so cheap. Have you thought of Parthenon ? Greek
Government might part with it as a loan, on reasonable terms.

President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
Thanks for suggesting Parthenon. Chicago Syndicate thinks it's
not good enough. Couldn't bring in the Lions and Martyrs very
well. Also Parthenon by moonlight not such a safe draw as Coliseum.

King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Might think of it if you increased offer to ten million dollars, and
would promise to return it within two years, in good repair, fair wear
and tear alone excepted.

President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
Syndicate says if they have to pay so much for Coliseum, and
return it, they must have remains of Forum thrown in.

King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.

Don't think we could spare ruins of Forum. Have you thought of
Vatican ? We could easily spare that. Why not approach the Pope
on the subject?

President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.

No, thanks ! Sorry to have troubled you for nothing, but Syndi-
cate has now arranged to build a Coliseum of its own, double the
size of yours, and to reproduce Forum, Parthenon, Capitol, Vatican,
as well as Windsor Castle and Westminster Abbey, out of old brown
paper, compressed and hardened by a new process. Ta-ta for
present! Hope you '11 get over next Budget all right.