Punch: Punch (100.1891)

292

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 20, 1891.

WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT IT?!!

First Slender Invalid. "1 say, Old Man, what a beastly thing this Influenza, is,

eh? I 'm just getting oyek it."

Sis Wasting Friend. "Ah I you 're eight, my Boy ! I've had it too, and the wobst
of it is, it pulls a Fellow down so fearfully ! !"

EXPLANATIONS A LA MODE.

{A Prophetic Forecast, by a Professional
Pessimist.)

1891. The Leader of the House explains,
in answer to a question, that no understand-
ing exists between England and any Foreign
country. No treaty is in contemplation,
and never has been suggested on either side.

1892. The Government repeats that Eng-
land is absolutely free from any international
engagements. It must not be thought for a
moment that a single battalion will be moved,
or a solitary vessel dispatched abroad with
warlike intentions.

1893. The Representative of the Cabinet
once more denies the suggestion that, under
any consideration whatever, will England
bind herself to accept European responsibility.
This has been said constantly for the last
three years, and the Representative of the
Cabinet is not only surprised but pained
at these frequent and embarrassing inter-
rogations.

1891. Once more, and for the last time, the
Premier insists that whatever may happen
abroad, England will be free from inter-
ference. It has been the policy of this great
country for the last four years to steer clear
of all embarrassing international complica-
tions. The other Great Powers are perfectly
aware that, under no circumstances whatever,
will our Army and Fleet be employed in taking
part in the quarrels of our neighbours. The
entire Cabinet are grieved at questions so
frequently put to them—questions that are
not only disquieting abroad, but a slur upon
the intentions of men whose sole duty is the
safety and peace of the British Empire.

1895. General European War—England in
the midst of it!

VOCES POPULI.

BEFOKE THE MECHANICAL MODELS.

A Sketch at the Royal Naval Exhibition.

Scene—The Grounds. A string of Sightseers discovered passing
slowly in front of a row of glazed cases containing small
mechanical figures, which are set in motion in the usual manner.

Before a Scene representing a Dying Child.

A Gallant Swain. That's the kid in bed, yer see. Like to see it
die, Polly, eh ? A penny does it.

Polly {with a giggle). Well, if it ain't too 'arrowing. (The penny
is dropped in, and the mechanical mother is instantly agitated by the
deepest maternal anxiety.) That's the mother kneeling by the bed,
I suppose—she do pray natural. There's the child waking up—
see, it's moving its 'ed. (The little doll raises itself in bed, and then
falls bach lifeless.) Ah, it's gone—look at the poor mother 'idin' her
face.

The G. S. Well, it's all over. Come along and see something
more cheerful.

Polly. Wait a bit—it isn't 'alf over yet. There's a angel got to
come and carry her away fust—there, the door's opening, that'll be
the angel come for it, I expect. {Disappointed.) No, it's only the
doctor. {A jerky and obviously incompetent little medical practitioner
puts his head in at the door, and on being motioned back by the be-
reaved mother, retires icith more delicacy than might have been
expected.) Well, he might ha' seen for himself if the child was
dead! {The back of the bed disappears, disclosing a well-known
picture of an angel flying upwards with a child.) I did think they 'd
have a real angel, and not only a picture of one, and anyone can see
it's a different child — there's the child in bed just the same. I
call that a take-in!

The G. S. I dunno what more you expect for a penny.

A Person on the Outskirts {eagerly to Friend). What happened ?
What is it ? I couldn't make it out over all the people's shoulders.

Mis Friend. Dying child—not half bad either. You go and put in
a penny, and you "11 see it well enough.

The P. on the O. {indignantly). What, put in a penny for such
rubbish ? Not me!

[He hangs about till someone else provides the necessary coin.

A Softhearted Female. No, I couldn't stand there and look on. I

never can bear them pathetic subjects. I felt just the same with
that picture of the Sick Child at the Academy, you know. [Medi-
tatively.) And you don't have to put a penny in for that, either.

Before another Bedroom Scene representing "The
Drunkard's Delirium."

First Woman. That's 'im in bed, with the bottle in his 'and. He
likes to take his liquor comfortable, he do.

Second Woman. He's very neat and tidy, considering ain't he?
I wonder what his delirium is like. 'Ere, Rosy, come and put your
penny in as the gentleman give yer. (Rosy, aged six, sacrifices her
penny, under protest.) Now, you look—you can't think what pretty
things you '11 see.

[The little wooden drunkard sits up, applies the bottle to his
mouth, and sinks back contentedly ; a demon, painted a
pleasing blue, rises slowly by his bed-side ; the drunkard
takes a languid interest in him ; the demon sinks.
A Gentleman with a bloated complexion [critically). 'Ooever did
that—well, I dessay he's a very clever man, but— [compassionately)
— he don't know much about 'orrors, he don't!

A Facetious Friend. You could ha' ,told him a thing or two,
eh, Jim ?

The Bloated Gentleman [contemptuously). Well, if I never 'ad
them wuss than that !

[_A small skeleton, in a shroud, looks in at the door.

The F. F. 'Ullo, 'ere's the King o' Terrors for yer! (Rosy
shows signs of uneasiness ; a blue demon comes out of a cupboard.)
'Ere's another of 'em—quite a little party he's 'aving !

A Gentleman, in a white tie [as the machinery stops). Well, a
thing like this does more real good than many a temperance tract.

The Bloated G. Yer right there, Guv'nor—it's bin a lesson to me,
I know that. 'Ere, will you come and 'ave a whiskey-sour along of
me and my friend 'ere'?

Before a Model representing an Execution.

A Daughter. But why won't you 'put a penny into this one,

Father ? , T> • ,

The Father [firmly). Because I don't approve of Capital Punish-
ment, my dear.

A Cultivated Person. An execution—" put a penny in ; bell tolls
—gates open—scaffold shown with gallows. Executioner pulls bolt
—black flag"—dear, dear—most degrading, shocking taste ! [To his
Friend.) Oh, of course, I '11 wait, if you want to see it—not got a