Punch: Punch (100.1891)

291

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 20, 1891,

FELINE AMENITIES.

Lady Godiva de Eougepotl, " I don't think ant Painting looks well in this horrid Electric Light !"

Hostess [nettled). "Don't you, Dear? Perhaps you would prefer to remain in the Drawing-Room, where the Lamp3
and Shades are ! "

THE PUUIT OF THE SESSION.

" To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Koyal Horticultural Society the
Marquis of Salisbury sent a magnificent collection—of strawberries especially.
Mr. W. H. Smith showed specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he
received the thanks of the Society."—Daily Telegraph.

Head-Gardener Sm-th soliloquiseth ;—
Oho I my beauty ! If you don't get a fust prize, and. "receive the
thanks of the Society" I'm a cowcumber ! "The Fruits of Early
Industry and Economy." Title of a picture by that splendid sample
of the industrious and the economical, George Morland, I believe.
Yes, that's it. My Industry and G-sch-n's Economy.

"We are a moral family ;
We are, we are, we are !

All the cardinal virtues bound in—ahem ! no matter.
Talk of the Gigantic Gooseberry! What is that apochryphal
monstrosity compared with this Brobdingnagian Berry ? [Sings.

Bravo, my " British Queen " !
Long live my " British. Queen " !

Brave " British Queen" !
Send it victorious,
First-Prizer glorious,
Fill Bads censorious

With envious spleen!

As you trill, my Beauty ! When did swaggering H-rc-rt's horti-
culture produce such goodly fruits ? Or sour-mug'd M-rl-i's ? Or
leary L-bbt's ? Or Slawkenbergian M-nd-lla's P Or even that of
the Grand Old Grower, Gl-dst-ne himself, with all his fluent patter
about British Pomona, and the native Jam-pot ?

I know the badly-beaten lot maintain that the plant is a " Sport"
from an old purchase of their own. Bless you, they claim all the
good stocks—always did. Who oaresP My young floricultural
friend, Joe of Birmingham, who knows a bit about fruits as well as
concerning orchids, let me tell you,—Joe, I say, laughs their prepos-
terous pretensions to scorn. Look at G-sch-n's own particular plant
there—a bit late, but very promising, and probably destined to take

a prize before the season's over. Didn't Joe recommend the stock
to Gl-dst-ne years ago ? And didn't the haughty Hawarden horti-
culturist turn up his nose at it as an " Unauthorised" intruder upon
his own Prize Programme ? And, more by token, didn't Joe get the
hump in consequence, cut the old connection, and set up on his own
account in the forcing-house line, with a friendly leaning to our firm ?
Aha! " Hinc iilce lachrymcp,n as the Guv'nor would say. Hence,
also, this Colossal Strawberry !

Thanks of the Society ? I should rayther think so! They may
chaff "Old Morality" as much as they like—but morality pays,
even in strawberry-growing ; and my duty to my (British) Queen
has brought about this triumph. Early Industry started it, and
careful horticultural Economy brought it to its present pitch of
perfection. Look at it! Size, shape, sweetness, scent, all superb!
If the Season shouldn't produce another Prize-Winner, this alone
ought to satisfy Solly. And if G-sch-n's seedling, "Gratis,"
should turn out a triumph later on, why we shall score tremendously.
Wish G-sch-n would "sit up and snort" less, and smile more.
Patience and plenty of sun! That's the tip for a horticulturist.
Standing at the door and shying stones at your neighbour's glass-
houses, won't make your own fruit ripen, if George Jokim could
only see it. As H-rt D-ke says, tu quoques are a nuisance, and
want fumigating off the face of the earth. Jokim and Arthur
B-lf-r a bit too fond of 'em for my fancy. However, all the
" you 're anothers " on earth can't affect my Strawberry now, thanks
be! The Fruit of the Season, though I say it who perhaps shouldn't.

(Sings.) From " Greenlands" sunny garden,

And vista'd vitreous panes,
We mean to rival Hawarden,

In glories and in gains.
I have produced, Sweet Will-i-am,

This Giant Strawber-ry,
In horticultural skill I am

A match for W. G.! [Left chortling.

The Very Last on the'Bus Strike.—After the comparative quiet
of last week, the streets of London will now be as 'bussy as ever.