Punch: Punch (101.1891)

August 22, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

95

THE DEMOCRAPHIC YADE MECUM.

double the customary fares.

Q. Did you go to the Inaugural
Meeting ?

A. Of course, hut as it was so crowded,
I could get no further than the door.

Q. Did you hear the speech of the
Prince of Wales ?

A. Unfortunately not; but I had the
advantage of seeing the top of his Pojyal
Highness's head.

Q. Did you go to the Soiree in Lin-
coln's Inn Fields, at the Hall of the
Royal College of Surgeons ?

A. I did, and was much amused at

the Grenadier Guards, conducted by
Lieut. Das Godfrey in undress uniform
playing before Sir Joseph Savory, Bart

Q. Was that all?

A. Well, I heard some harps, and then

Question. You properly'attended the /^fSv^^J of course there were the Lord Mayor's

Congress last week ? rW^tmtlr trumpeters.

Answer. Certainly, by wearing a small wM|lC^ Q. Did you get your hat and coat in

brooch pinned on the flap of my coat. nl^'Pll^a comfort ?

Q. What effect hadthis on the cabmen ? l^mSl^3r& f ^n &rea^ comfort—after I had

A. To cause them to charge me just ™ t^!^^^!^ fought like a wild beast with other wild

beasts for an hour and a half to get up
to the place of distribution.

Q. Was this part of the programme
badly managed ?

A. It was not managed at all. The
City Authorities had not even had the
sense to put the numbers available at each
counter en evidence.

Q. Did you derive any linguisticlearn-
ing from this struggle Y

A. Certainly. I heard bad language
in sixteen different tongues.

Q. And what (as a connoisseur) did
vou think of the oaths ?

finding myself drinking claret cup in Mr //f/ i "^jC /'-/ X?<3ss^^\;i^^v'vtflf 1 ^' That none were comparable to that

the museum devoted to skeletons. Jt| y I , £ Jx^wl)^^^^^!^/^^^^ English expletive which is equally sug-

Q. Did you go to the reception at jayl I, \ | ■ ^ t vwl^-' s^ive of a barrier in a river, the mother

Guildhall? W 1 \ \ \ ' < ~4M'/\ Wf^W^J^. ' ' ' 111''' an(^ observations of an

A. Certainly, and was greatly grati- MutllitU ^'§m\ L-^M^^^Tt angry man.

tied at the amusements supplied to the HI' liWO Wma^^^m^'- I ' ▼ ^' Did you go anywhere else ?

Lord Mayor's guests. Wm \ \\w *a§ill$> \ ^ ■'' ' A- The entertainments I attended

Q. What were those amusements ? V\*\\ aaBP^ w re so numerous that it is impossible to

A. So far as I could see, the Band of \^ V V . \\ remember a tithe of them.

Q. And what did vou do about Science ?
TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE. -L Left it for discussion until the

meeting of the Congress to be held next

-t -r t_J -------------7--- J

and some charters under a glass case. An Optical Illusion in a Lady's Orchestra. \ year

ROBERT'S AMERICAN FRIENDS.

Our gentlemanly Manager looked in to see how they was a getting
on, and when thev told him what they called my last joke, ewen he
My Amerrycane Frend has cum back again to the " Grand Hotel." : larfed away like the best on 'em. The fust time I gets a chance I '11
He has bin with us nearly a month, and says he hnds it, as before, j ask him to explain it all to me.

the werry best Hotel anywheres for a jowial Bacheldore. I thinks ; What seemed to have struck the Amerrycan most, was what he de-
as he's about the coolest card as I ever seed, tho as good natured as , scribed as the twelve most bewtifool Angels, all most bewtif oolly drest,
a reel Lady, and I don't think as that's at all a bad karacter. ; in most bewtifool close, a playing most bewtifool toons on most bewtifool
When he heard as the Germun Empree was a cummin to Gildhall, Arps ! which he said reminded him more of Heaven than anythink he

he acshally arsked me to mterdooce him to ! had ever seen or heard. He arsked me the name of the bewtifool hair

the Lord Mare, as he wanted a few tickets
for hisself and frends! And when I told
him as that coudn't be manidged, he arsked
where he coud buy a few, as he supposed as
money coud buy anythink, and praps he

as they played three times, and when I told him as I believed as it
was a Welsh wun, and was called " The March of the Men of Gar-
lick" he wonderd how men with such bad taste could have written
such sweet music.
They can tell jolly good staggerers they can! Why one on 'em
wasn't so werry rong arter all. He had j said a§ how we was a getting so scrowged up in the old Country, that
two or three Amerrycan frends to dinner j they thort of giving us jest a little slice of theirs, and as theirs was
r day, and didn't they jest fork about thirty times as big as ours, they could easily spare it.
One of 'em arsked me if I didn't But this I must and will say, they are perfect Gennelmen, and, as

the best possibel proof of it, they is allers werry libbral to me.

Poeert.

the other day, and didn't
away

think as it was shamefoolly xtravagant to
give the Lord Mare of our little City jest
the same salary for governing his one little
square mile, as they in Amerrykey gave their
Presedent for governing their hole country, altho it was about thirty
times larger than ours. To which I boldly replied most suttenly not,
becoz I had herd as there was lots of Presedents in the World, but
ony one Lord Mare of London, to which my frend shouted out,
" Bravo, Robert, that's one to you! "

Amost all their tork was about what they calls their "World's
Show," as is to be held at Chickargo, I thinks they called it, the
year after next, and what they have naterally come here for, is to
arrange for the Lord Mare and his too Sherryft's, with their State
Carridges, and state Footmen, and state Robes, to go over and show

OUR BOOKING-OEFICE.

Ixterestixg romance is Mariox Crawford's Witch of Prague ;
the witch novel might easily have been told in one volume instead
of three. Skipping is good exercise.

The casual reader, and the travelling
reader or journey-alist, won't get much
better entertainment for his money
than he will find in Stories of Old and
New Spain, by Thomas A. Jaxvter.
'em how to open it! Tndlne' funniesT0^0?theVt^cshaliy saigas ! ^0 April foolin'' around on the part of

I must go with 'em, for the World's Show woud not be a perfect' T^wier with metaphysical digressions,
show without they had in it the most hori-inal specimen of a reel | bu* aU straight to the point. For sen-
London Hed Waiter to show to their 50 million people ! And I am satwn. try Saint Mary of the Angels.
to have the werry biggest tip as ever a Hed Waiter had. And I'm Adelphi melodrama isn t m it with this
quite sure as they meant it aU, for they larfed all the while as they slarl- A1.so ™ San Antonio there is a Sensational
forked about it. 1 simple, quiet humour; and The Legend sensational.

This same one had a Ticket for GuildhaU the hother heavening, ?/ p.adre J.osi is singularly touching. Altogether a book this of
when about four thowsand gests was there, and jolly fun he says it "Unites variety. {Signed) Barox de Book-W orms.

was, for they all seemed to begin a drinking of werry good Shampane —
about Nine a Clock, and kep on at it for above three hours, for there

wasn't not nothink else for'em to do, and so they did that, and did "How's that for Hy"-gienic? — In spite of the London
it well- Season being over, the Hygienic Congress had what 'arry would

He arsked me if I coud remember what outlandish names the ! call a "'igh old time" of it in London last week. In anticipation
principal gests was all caUed, and when I told him I thort they was of their next merry meeting, a distinguished member of the Asso-
High-gix and Deimy-Groggy, thev all roared again, and shouted elation is already busily engaged in preparing a paper on " The
out, that's another to you Robert; go ahead, my tulip'. " Tho Real and Apparent Connection between 'Hygiene' and 'High
what they meant I'm sure I don't kno. ' Jinks.' "