DOI Heft:
April 9, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0182
April 9, 1892.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
173
ODE TO A GIRAITE.
{On hearing that the Solitary Specimen at the Zoo
had just died.)
So Death has paid the Zoo a call,
And claimed you for his oAvn,
Who "neck or nothing " had heen left
To bloom—and die—alone.
From far I gazed into your face,
1 did not know your name,
You looked uncomfortable, but
I loved you all the same.
Your neck was just a
trifle long,
I think you must
confess.
I've often thought if,
as a fact,
You could have done
with less.
But we must take you
all in all, [pain
And so I hear with
That probably we shall
not look
Upon your like again.
I could have spared a buffalo
Or elephant with ease,
An armadillo, or a bear,
A dozen chimpanzees.
"When Jumbo left for foreign skies,
I did not shed a tear,
For though his Alice mourned his loss,
I knew that you Avere here.
You've gone to heaven, if that's where
The good giraffes all go.
I wonder if you '11 ever see
What happens down below.
I hope, for your own comfort, not,
But, if you ever do,
Please recognise me as the Man
Who sadly haunts the Zoo.
THE POET AND THE SONGS.
I had a thought, a dainty thought,
A quaint and cunning fancy,
I said, "A theme with humour fraught
Within my grasp 1 can see.
This thought will work into a set
Of verses tit for singing."
A voice rasped, " Oh, a deal o' wet! "
And off that thought went winging.
And once again
that thought
returned,
With yet
more bright-
ness on it—
This time with
the desire 1
burned
To weave it
in a sonnet.
I'd get an artist
chum to do
The subject in a rare cut.
Alas ! before 'twas grasped it flew,
Alarmed by, "Git yer 'air cut! "
I strayed in silent solitude
That lost thought to recover,
And. as my journey I pursued,
'Twould still around me hover.
Almost I grasped, one fatal day,
That fancy, quaint and clever,
A cad shrieked, " Tara-boom-de-ay !"
And off it flew—for ever !
SUNDAY OBSERVANCE.
What a shocking state of things,
Oh, my goodness, Mrs. Grundy f
There's a man that plays and sings
In a Blackpool hall on Sunday '
Oh, what wicked-
ness, oh, dear!
Sunday music !
What a scandal!
Folks might even go
and hear
Things by Haydn
or by Handel I
Rush and find some
obsolete
Act of wise and
pious Georges,
Which will help us
to defeat
Such abominable
orgies!
But here's worse news, I declare ;
Gracious patience, Mrs. Grundy !
Eastbourne people cannot bear
Nice Salvation bands on Sunday!
Acts, not words, again we need,
Just to show them they are silly.
Sunday Music stopped P Indeed,
They must like it, willy nilly !
THEATRES AND MUSIC HALLS COMMISSION.
{A MatdmZe, by Our Own Reporter.)
In reply to Mr. Woodall, Mr. J. L. Toole said he was happy to
come there. Name is John Lawrence Toole? Yes. " Jack with
my familiars,"—hem!—Shakspeare. Being in Witness-box,—Jack
in the Box. What he would take ? Nothing, thanks, not even his
oath. He was quite prepared to kiss the book—in the absence of
the belle. Little joke that—has heard of "bell, book, and candle.''
Couldn't bring the candle in,—would if he could, though, just to
—ahem!—make it a light entertainment Would, they excuse his
glove F What did they want to know ?
called Barrie, hadn't confided it to him,—but—what was he saying ?
—oh, yes—he couldn't tell how it was all the characters on board
didn't see Eliza Johnson as Sarah in the punt. But as Walker
says, " Oh that's nothing! that's nothing ! " The Chairman wished
to know if there is an egrets at the back of the Theatre ? He
(Mr. Toole) did not remember ever having seen a negress there.
There were two beautiful young ladies—Miss Irene Vanbrtjgh and
Miss Mary Ansell—now playing1, and, he might say it who shouldn't,
playing charmingly in Walker, London. 'The Chairman didn't mean
that. No ? But he (Mr. Toole) did, and he might add, though "it
was nothing, a mere nothing," that the performance of his three
young men—Mr. C. M. Lowne, as the sensible lover; Mr. Seymour
Hicks, as the young medical student;
Whether the sanitary arrangements jr and Mr. Cecil Ramsey, as " W. G.
at his Theatre were good? Bather— >.\ J§#l|| a youthful athlete, was admirable,
he could only say they were "fust- # JP*^^v They were all in Walker, London. In
rate." A 1, in fact, like the per- ••' B/J^^W r* ply to Mr. T. H.JBolton, who wished
formance. The house held over two \ \llBN^N/^ to know if the Witness considered his
thousand pounds, and was crowded ", i © vH^^^'i/ Theatre a substantial edifice, Mr. Toolr
nightly to see Walker, London. Did : 'fy J \ v*®^ , , said that he certainly did, because,
he consider the structure safe ? Of i=^'f^Vs^^^ ."^ y°u seet the Theatre would never go
course he did—safe as Houses—that ~fH=fffl / H^Mlfi^^^P^^^^^^|^: ' : ; * to pieces as long as the pieces went to
is, safe as his houses for Walker, -J—-^giffiuw^^ -* -, the Theatre, and as long as it was
London were going to be for the next f^^^g^Tlf'Tr*^^^''^'»~~ - supported by the public. Have T any
three years and a half, when his j I ii nj^Jf^^iK1 ~ ^a*^'c\ 'I. ' complaint? Nothing to speak of,
tenancy would expire, and he should j \ \ .\\\| j^aP^ n"n1 J^S^'k^ except a touch of gout. Oh, beg
then be in the Army. Did the Com- < 1 ,! SM j 1 \\ ^raBS^j^.^i^Lri I 7 pardon, you meant complaint as to
mittee want to know how it was that ("^H rWTl^^i'PI'lw -NC ll^^fe^lfj the Theatre f Oh, no, except it's not
he would be in the Army ? He'd tell j j: If f i'^f^Ji,!^^ f^^^^^|lf^fiW^smslMl large enough to hold the millions who
them; because, when he gave up that II K I / \\i KP^\ l^^lt^S\ r\ i can't De crammed in nightly. Has
Theatre, he would be a " Left Tenant." j . | ( Vjji ij^p&f \, ' '.yA nx| '/tm jtTVi; / \ ; 9n excellent Acting Manasrer in Mr.
Not bad that, for a beginner. We're ! —wk^'^f 'Vli K^v kXsl A ffl George Lee, and as to friend BrL-
a getting on, we are. As to ventila- r^^^^^Mffli ^gap!izr~ ^l^rt^^^^mm^L > lington's stage-management of the
tion—well, he couldn't have too much _^^H^^felSiS^3=s^^^^P(// House Boat (the scene, he might say,
ventilation for Walker, London. Jle ^ ^^m^^^/^ was painted by Mr. Harker, a name
not unknown at the Mansion House), it is the best thing of the sort
ever done. Any evening that Mr. Plunket, Mr. Woodall, or Mr.
Bolton, or any other of the Honourable Gentlemen would like to
look in and see Walker, London, they have only to send to the Box
Office, or any of the Libraries, and book in advance—he couldn't
say fairer than that—because it was advice that he always gave to
" Friend Irving," and which he had adopted. No moro 'r Hope he
doesn't intrude. Would the Committee excuse his gloveP Yes?
Then, remember, Walker, London.
Mr. J. L. Toole then hurried out. After his departure it was
found that all the spectators had on their backs adhesive labels
should like it aired everywhere. Then the Committee might take it
that he was satisfied with the structure ? Well—if they put it in
that way—yes—he thought the structure a bit faulty—but what's
the odds as long as the public like the piece ? He didn't consider
Walker, London, a model of dramatic construction, but he looked
upon the House Boat built on the stage as quite a model of construc-
tion ; the end of the piece was a bit hazy, and he didn't yet know why
everybody allowed him to go off with the punt, which they wouldn't
get back, unless his friend, Mr. Shelton, who was splendidly made
up as a riverside boatman, brought it back, and, begging the Com-
mittee's pardon if they'd excuse his glove, he couldn't tell; not that
it was a secret, because the clever author, a very nice retiring chap j advertising Walker, London.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
173
ODE TO A GIRAITE.
{On hearing that the Solitary Specimen at the Zoo
had just died.)
So Death has paid the Zoo a call,
And claimed you for his oAvn,
Who "neck or nothing " had heen left
To bloom—and die—alone.
From far I gazed into your face,
1 did not know your name,
You looked uncomfortable, but
I loved you all the same.
Your neck was just a
trifle long,
I think you must
confess.
I've often thought if,
as a fact,
You could have done
with less.
But we must take you
all in all, [pain
And so I hear with
That probably we shall
not look
Upon your like again.
I could have spared a buffalo
Or elephant with ease,
An armadillo, or a bear,
A dozen chimpanzees.
"When Jumbo left for foreign skies,
I did not shed a tear,
For though his Alice mourned his loss,
I knew that you Avere here.
You've gone to heaven, if that's where
The good giraffes all go.
I wonder if you '11 ever see
What happens down below.
I hope, for your own comfort, not,
But, if you ever do,
Please recognise me as the Man
Who sadly haunts the Zoo.
THE POET AND THE SONGS.
I had a thought, a dainty thought,
A quaint and cunning fancy,
I said, "A theme with humour fraught
Within my grasp 1 can see.
This thought will work into a set
Of verses tit for singing."
A voice rasped, " Oh, a deal o' wet! "
And off that thought went winging.
And once again
that thought
returned,
With yet
more bright-
ness on it—
This time with
the desire 1
burned
To weave it
in a sonnet.
I'd get an artist
chum to do
The subject in a rare cut.
Alas ! before 'twas grasped it flew,
Alarmed by, "Git yer 'air cut! "
I strayed in silent solitude
That lost thought to recover,
And. as my journey I pursued,
'Twould still around me hover.
Almost I grasped, one fatal day,
That fancy, quaint and clever,
A cad shrieked, " Tara-boom-de-ay !"
And off it flew—for ever !
SUNDAY OBSERVANCE.
What a shocking state of things,
Oh, my goodness, Mrs. Grundy f
There's a man that plays and sings
In a Blackpool hall on Sunday '
Oh, what wicked-
ness, oh, dear!
Sunday music !
What a scandal!
Folks might even go
and hear
Things by Haydn
or by Handel I
Rush and find some
obsolete
Act of wise and
pious Georges,
Which will help us
to defeat
Such abominable
orgies!
But here's worse news, I declare ;
Gracious patience, Mrs. Grundy !
Eastbourne people cannot bear
Nice Salvation bands on Sunday!
Acts, not words, again we need,
Just to show them they are silly.
Sunday Music stopped P Indeed,
They must like it, willy nilly !
THEATRES AND MUSIC HALLS COMMISSION.
{A MatdmZe, by Our Own Reporter.)
In reply to Mr. Woodall, Mr. J. L. Toole said he was happy to
come there. Name is John Lawrence Toole? Yes. " Jack with
my familiars,"—hem!—Shakspeare. Being in Witness-box,—Jack
in the Box. What he would take ? Nothing, thanks, not even his
oath. He was quite prepared to kiss the book—in the absence of
the belle. Little joke that—has heard of "bell, book, and candle.''
Couldn't bring the candle in,—would if he could, though, just to
—ahem!—make it a light entertainment Would, they excuse his
glove F What did they want to know ?
called Barrie, hadn't confided it to him,—but—what was he saying ?
—oh, yes—he couldn't tell how it was all the characters on board
didn't see Eliza Johnson as Sarah in the punt. But as Walker
says, " Oh that's nothing! that's nothing ! " The Chairman wished
to know if there is an egrets at the back of the Theatre ? He
(Mr. Toole) did not remember ever having seen a negress there.
There were two beautiful young ladies—Miss Irene Vanbrtjgh and
Miss Mary Ansell—now playing1, and, he might say it who shouldn't,
playing charmingly in Walker, London. 'The Chairman didn't mean
that. No ? But he (Mr. Toole) did, and he might add, though "it
was nothing, a mere nothing," that the performance of his three
young men—Mr. C. M. Lowne, as the sensible lover; Mr. Seymour
Hicks, as the young medical student;
Whether the sanitary arrangements jr and Mr. Cecil Ramsey, as " W. G.
at his Theatre were good? Bather— >.\ J§#l|| a youthful athlete, was admirable,
he could only say they were "fust- # JP*^^v They were all in Walker, London. In
rate." A 1, in fact, like the per- ••' B/J^^W r* ply to Mr. T. H.JBolton, who wished
formance. The house held over two \ \llBN^N/^ to know if the Witness considered his
thousand pounds, and was crowded ", i © vH^^^'i/ Theatre a substantial edifice, Mr. Toolr
nightly to see Walker, London. Did : 'fy J \ v*®^ , , said that he certainly did, because,
he consider the structure safe ? Of i=^'f^Vs^^^ ."^ y°u seet the Theatre would never go
course he did—safe as Houses—that ~fH=fffl / H^Mlfi^^^P^^^^^^|^: ' : ; * to pieces as long as the pieces went to
is, safe as his houses for Walker, -J—-^giffiuw^^ -* -, the Theatre, and as long as it was
London were going to be for the next f^^^g^Tlf'Tr*^^^''^'»~~ - supported by the public. Have T any
three years and a half, when his j I ii nj^Jf^^iK1 ~ ^a*^'c\ 'I. ' complaint? Nothing to speak of,
tenancy would expire, and he should j \ \ .\\\| j^aP^ n"n1 J^S^'k^ except a touch of gout. Oh, beg
then be in the Army. Did the Com- < 1 ,! SM j 1 \\ ^raBS^j^.^i^Lri I 7 pardon, you meant complaint as to
mittee want to know how it was that ("^H rWTl^^i'PI'lw -NC ll^^fe^lfj the Theatre f Oh, no, except it's not
he would be in the Army ? He'd tell j j: If f i'^f^Ji,!^^ f^^^^^|lf^fiW^smslMl large enough to hold the millions who
them; because, when he gave up that II K I / \\i KP^\ l^^lt^S\ r\ i can't De crammed in nightly. Has
Theatre, he would be a " Left Tenant." j . | ( Vjji ij^p&f \, ' '.yA nx| '/tm jtTVi; / \ ; 9n excellent Acting Manasrer in Mr.
Not bad that, for a beginner. We're ! —wk^'^f 'Vli K^v kXsl A ffl George Lee, and as to friend BrL-
a getting on, we are. As to ventila- r^^^^^Mffli ^gap!izr~ ^l^rt^^^^mm^L > lington's stage-management of the
tion—well, he couldn't have too much _^^H^^felSiS^3=s^^^^P(// House Boat (the scene, he might say,
ventilation for Walker, London. Jle ^ ^^m^^^/^ was painted by Mr. Harker, a name
not unknown at the Mansion House), it is the best thing of the sort
ever done. Any evening that Mr. Plunket, Mr. Woodall, or Mr.
Bolton, or any other of the Honourable Gentlemen would like to
look in and see Walker, London, they have only to send to the Box
Office, or any of the Libraries, and book in advance—he couldn't
say fairer than that—because it was advice that he always gave to
" Friend Irving," and which he had adopted. No moro 'r Hope he
doesn't intrude. Would the Committee excuse his gloveP Yes?
Then, remember, Walker, London.
Mr. J. L. Toole then hurried out. After his departure it was
found that all the spectators had on their backs adhesive labels
should like it aired everywhere. Then the Committee might take it
that he was satisfied with the structure ? Well—if they put it in
that way—yes—he thought the structure a bit faulty—but what's
the odds as long as the public like the piece ? He didn't consider
Walker, London, a model of dramatic construction, but he looked
upon the House Boat built on the stage as quite a model of construc-
tion ; the end of the piece was a bit hazy, and he didn't yet know why
everybody allowed him to go off with the punt, which they wouldn't
get back, unless his friend, Mr. Shelton, who was splendidly made
up as a riverside boatman, brought it back, and, begging the Com-
mittee's pardon if they'd excuse his glove, he couldn't tell; not that
it was a secret, because the clever author, a very nice retiring chap j advertising Walker, London.