Punch (37.1859)

July 23, 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

39

LATIN FOR LADIES’ DRESSES.

eke is an advertisement which
may interest Paterfamilias,
who has no end of milliners’
bills to pay

WATCH-SPRING PETTI-
COATS. — Madame Amet
cautions persons from dealing in
the above, unless signed “Amet.”

Paterfamilias willbe amused,
as well as interested, by this
announcement. Considering
that there is nothing in the
isolated word Amet to show
that it is a Trench _ proper
name, and not the third per-
son singular of the imperative
mood, present tense, of the
Latin verb, “amo” “to love,”
he may be disposed to smile
at the idea of his wife and
daughters going about with
such a word inscribed on any
portion of their dresses. If Madame Amet wishes to advertise her
Watch-spring Petticoats, perhaps she has her name marked on the under
margin, so as to he exhibited in walking, in the case of most young,
and in that of some old, ladies by the voluntary upholding of Lie
skirts. That name elegantly embroidered in that situation, would be
highly ornamental, and might be useful as an advertisement, not only
of the maker but also of the wearer, if unmarried and wishing not to
remain so. Amet, whatever the word may be understood to mean by
womankind, will, by mankind be translated, “ Let him love; ” that is,
“ Let somebody love ” (understand) me—with a view of; course to
marrying me—in other words, “I am in want of a husband.” ‘ To be
Sold” in fact chalked on a “trap ” is about what would be signified
by “ Amet ” displayed on a petticoat.

No doubt, watch-spring petticoats are highly fashionable, and the
watch-springs are calculated to make the petticoats go; and if they
have the same effect on the single daughters of Paterfamilias, they wall
be worth that gentleman’s money.


EXTREME PROBABILITIES.

We live in high-pressure times, but Mr. Punch flatters himself (or,
rather, does himself simple justice in asserting) that He can keep
ahead of the times, the telegrams, and even the talk of his wife, or
anything else, no matter how distressingly fast it may be. He believes
lie has rather been and done it with the following information, which
has not yet reached even Printing House Square

IMPORTANT TELEGRAMS.

RECEIVED THROUGH MR. REUTER’S OEEICE.

“ Paris, August 21.

“ The Emperor is dissatisfied (mecontent) with Lord Palmerston’s
explanation on the English National Defences. He still regards
them as a menace to the independence of France and an insult to her
glory. He has desired the Duke of Somerset to be sent over.”

“ Paris, August 25.

“ The Duke of Somerset has been waiting in an ante-room of the
Tuileries for five hours. The Emperor has just sent to say that he is
going to the Opera, and the man must come again early in the morning
\de bon matin). The Duke was in such a rage at being called a man
that he pulled the nose of the menial who brought the message. This
has complicated matters.”

“ Paris, August 26.

“ The nose has been put straight, but the Emperor has given the
Duke orders to return, instantly (tout a Vheure) to discontinue all work
in your dockyards, and to despatch one half of your entire fleet to
join the anti-slavery squadron, off Brazil.” .

“ Paris, August 27.

“ On consideration, the Emperor sees in the Battery at Brighton a
standing menace to Dieppe. He has sent orders to have the flag-staff
taken down, and the platform turned into a station for donkeys.”

“ Paris, August 28.

“ You will hear to-morrow that the Emperor has desired the Tower
of London to be dismantled (depouille), and the Lord Mayor sent
over as a hostage for the performance of the decree.”

“ Paris, August 29.

“ His Imperial Majesty has transmitted directions to the English

War Office to disband the whole of the various Rifle Associations, and
send over their weapons to Boulogne for the armament of the Capecure
Zouaves.”

“ Paris, August 30.

“ The Emperor requires the dissolution of the English Yacht Clubs,
and the destruction of all yachts whose tonnage is over three tons and
a quarter. Lord Alfred Paget and Mr. A. Arcedeckne are to he
forwarded to Paris by the night-train.”

“ Paris, August 31.

“ The Court of the Tuileries is extremely dissatisfied at the delay in
carrying out the requisitions already made, and regards it as an ap-
proach to the perfidious system of treachery (trahison) so often and so
unworthily practised by England in her relations with her foreign
friends. A demand wiil be made to-morrow which will decisively
intimate His Majesty’s feelings.”

“ Paris, September 1.

“ The Emferor selects this day, the first of the partridge season, to
demand that every English person possessed of a gun of any kind shall
instantly pack it in a box, and remit it, carriage paid, to the Minister
of War, Paris. Pistols are included in this order.”

“ Pans, September 2.

“ The Emperor desires that the Buoy at the Nore be cut loose, as
it acts as a kind of bait (amorce) to the English to indulge in excursions
and cultivate that nautical taste which has rendered them so insolently
rough in their behaviour to Continentals.”

“ Paris, September 3.

“ The Emperor demands that Ramsgate, Dover, Plymouth,
Lowestoft, Aberystwith, Southampton, and Gravesend, be at once
ceded to France, not as accession of territory (a view which France
abhors and repudiates), but in trust for the Liberty of Europe, as
defined by His Majesty.”

“ Paris, September 4.

“ The Emperor has heard with sympathy Ireland’s cry of agony.
Her bitter cup is now full, and it is reserved for him to dash it to the
ground. Her liberation is at hand (tout pres). General MacMation,
a descendant of her Kings, who were allies of France before England
was discovered by C-esar, is charged with the execution of this decree.

“ Paris, September 5.

“ The Emperor demands that Mr. Punch be sent over to
Paris, instantly, in chains.”

“ Dover, September 9.

“ Admiral Sir Charles Napier has just annihilated the united
fleets of France, Austria, and Bnssia, and is swearing awfully because
his grog is not strong enough.”

ERROR OE THE PRESS.

Speaking of the peace, a philo-Erench contemporary of ours is
pleased to say:—

“ Throughout the whole campaign, which the Villafranea treaty, we think, fairly
terminates, the Emperor Napoleon has kept one consistent course. From his
first step to his last, he has advanced with firmness, but with moderation. In
France and in the field, in the Court and in the Camp, he lias acted all along with a
suaviter in nodo, which not many men in England believed that he possessed, and
fewer still that he would have the strength of mind to exercise.”

There is in this statement an error in the spelling, which, to please
Lord Malmesbury, we hasten to correct. However suavely the
Emperor may have acted in the Court, it is sheer nonsense to say that
he has done so in the Camp. But rather than impugn the wisdom of
the writer, we look upon his error as a typographical mistake. If he
had said that in the field Louis Napoleon acted “ Zouaviter in modo
the statement would have beeu more in accordance with the fact.

CONJUGATOR DE SE.

A Remarkable appeal from the Court of Exchequer in Ireland
came, the other day, before the House of Lords. The case was that of
Beamish v. Beamish, and the point in question was the validity of
what may be called a truly Irish marriage. That marriage took place
in 1831, privately, between the Rev. Samuel Swayne Beamish and
Isabella Eraser, at the house of one Anne Lewis, in the City of
Cork, and the ceremony was performed by the reverend bridegroom
himself. Matrimony and hanging are often spoken of as mutually
analogous, the parties in both cases being said to be “tied up;” but
though many fools have hanged themselves, very few have ever thought
of marrying themselves, and perhaps nobody but a clergyman of Mr.
Beamish’s country could contemplate the rash act of sui-splice.

The Overcrowded Dwelling-House
enough for two wits to live in together!

Act.—No house is big