Punch (37.1859)

October 29, 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

175

Paint, and that it was an order from some superior to a workman to mend
the paint. This is a happy conjecture, but we give it valeat quantum.

At another point, and near what is said to have been the residence
of the London Mayors before their extirpation, is found a rich distich—

I • M T H • K-N- • P • -HE • A S T L ’

■KD YOUR A D”TY R'SCA-

This there is great difficulty in reading, and a difference of opinion
has arisen as to the filling up of the destroyed letters. The best
scholars, Sir C. Tattoo says, are inclined to this reading

“ I am the Knife [which] the Astley
HandjedJ your [ ]. A Dirty Rascal.”

There is evidently some City legend or sarcasm conveyed in this
couplet. The place where it was found was the banquet-hall of the
Mayors, and probably some Astley, a negligent servant, is charged with
having presented to his master “your [Mayor?]” to cut his venzon a
knife wet with the flesh of turtle fish, the favourite luxury of those
demi-savages. But there is scope for a score of treatises on the
subject. The last word of the first line lias been interpreted “ Castle,”
and though we do not think this correct, it may have alluded to the
Elephant and Castle, the famous white-bait house which stood near the
Bank, and was frequented by its managers.

A pretty couplet, about which there is little mistake, records, on a
window-sill, that “My love Sal is a p ..... . gal ,” the defaced word
being no doubt “portly,” the English girls, or gals, being celebrated
and admired for their fat. In another place is DO • ■ OUR M • THER
NOW • RE U •, perhaps the affectionate yearning of children, “Do,

GLASS-HOUSE MUTUAL ASSURANCE COMPANY.

There is this great convenience which people enjoy who dwell in
i glass houses : whatever may be their position, they always stand in a
favourable light; and however conspicuous may be their failings, they
are invariably overlooked. Till lately, however, there were no means
| of insuring these elegant edifices against demolition, partial or entire,
j and many upright occupiers were consequently bowed down by anxiety
i for their frames. It is hard to be denied the cheerful recreation of
flinging pebbles at a friend’s contiguous sky-light; strong bonds are
necessary to restrain an eloquent householder. To secure these fragile
structures, a Company was started not long since, and from their
Report, just published, they seem to have had a profitable run. The
document contains some curious glass cases, where tenants have been
relieved from apprehended damage to their vitreous abodes. We have
only room for those of universal interest.

Miss Priscilla Y-was engaged to a soi-disant Irish Captain of

Dragoons unattached, but who, on the appointed bridal morn, was
arrested by his tailor. The dreadful circumstance becoming known to
j Miss Euphemia G-, it was expected that perfectly legal proceed-

ings would have been taken by that energetic lady to send a small
missile through the polished front wall of her opposite neighbour.

| Luckily, Miss Y-held a Policy in the Glass House Company, by

whom she was assured that she need be under no apprehension, as
I Miss G-—- had recently accepted the offer of a stout, bejewelled,
bewigged, and bewiskered gentleman, who represented himself to be a
I German Baron, but who had turned out to be a Chiropodist.

Perch, a young and sanguine Stock-broker, having married a
middle-aged lady, with great expectations from her uncle, who held a
lucrative appointment as Receiver of an income riding over extensive
I landed property in the north of England, discovered when too late that
her Uncle was a Toll-Gate Keeper on the Great North Road. Under
1 ordinary circumstances, his cousin Gudgeon would have been delighted
by a rapid volley of small shot, to unsettle Perch’s transparent tiles.
Perch, however, had obtained an assurance from the Company that
Gudgeon had been captured by an adventurous widow, whose late
husband was not Serjeant Plum of the South-Eastern Circuit, but
Serjeant-Major IIumm of the 101st, with a life pension of one shilling
and three halfpence per diem. No damage was accordingly done on
| either side.

Mrs. Defuty J-having signally failed in her ’endeavours to ob-

tain vouchers for the High Polish Ball, was anticipating a hail-storm

from the democratic prejudices of Mrs. Deputy K-, when the

Company on payment of a small premium, gave her an assurance that

her fears were groundless, Mrs. Deputy K--having been confined

to her couch for three days after a Mansion House dinner, in con-
sequence of her inability to obtain a condescending smile from the
Persian ambassador. The threatened storm was according confined to
a thimble-full of homoeopathic balls.

The Misses Olivia and Florence E-having undergone great

mental agony through the behaviour of two impracticable donkeys on
Durdham Downs, were about to extort from Tom, their wicked little
brother, a solemn undertaking not to divulge it to the Misses Sarah

and Martha W-, when they were assured by the Glass House

Company that those young ladies were under heavy recognisances to
keep the peace from having been pursued and mortally frightened by a

our mother, now return to us,” or “ Poes our mother now remember us?”
Farther on. Sir C. Tattoo found the place where peripatetic astro-
nomers exhibited their telescopes for hire; as on a wail, which would
have been an excellent resting-place for the instrument, is “ Take a
Sight.” Even in those days, before Moon-railroads were known, the
view of the celestial bodies interested our foolish forefathers.

Finally, for we must bring our remarks to a close, Sir Cannibal
Tattoo perceived upon the _ entablature of the west pediment of the
clerestory of the Abbey ruins the letters PUN • • OR EVE- Now,
what is “ Pun, or Eve?” Is this one of those dark mysteries from
which it is in vain to seek to tear the veil? Is it a mystic shadowing
out of some old religion? Does it show the doubts which at that
period saturated the minds of all? Is Pun, or PAN, the heathen
principle of universal nature; and does Eve, typical of womanhood,
point at a more gracious faith, between which, perhaps, some young
and ardent monk in a cell of those old Westminster Abbey ruins knew
not how to choose ? The inquiry is deeply interesting, aesthetically,
asthmatically, and exegetically. The foolish and shallow conjecture
that the words were Punch for Ever, we mention but to dismiss with
contempt. Our forefathers, foolish .as they were, had grand and mythic
imaginings, nor will we dance a dance of Bag o’Nails over their
graves. Let us rather humbly address ourselves to discover their
meaning. Laborare est orare.

Sir Cannibal’s book is the most splendid, the most useful, the
most intellectual, the most graphic, the most fascinating, that has
appeared for several hours, and we cordially recommend it to our
readers of all colours.

flock of irascible geese on Beckham Rye. Olivia and Florence con-
sequently escaped without the fracture of a single pane.

Master 0-having met with a severe blow and great discourage-

ment in his attempt to scale the wall of Dr. Birch’s orchard, would
certainly have had his brittle habitation battered by the triumphant

badinage of Master Q-, had not the latter been restrained from

hostilities by the _ Company assuring Master 0- that his enemy

had himself sustained a similar humiliation not long ago, and hail
spoilt a new jacket worth one guinea, in his futile efforts to secure a
golden pippin, value one farthing.

A NEW FAILING.

ne would have thought that Sir
Robert Carden would never have
been accused of “ an excess of
good - nature. ” However, Sir
Robert Carden confesses he was
imposed upon at Gloucester, and
attributes the imposition to his
excess of good-nature. Unques-
tionably the good-nature must
have been nearly as capacious as
his pocket; for after having been
imposed upon at one election, he
goes down and allows himself to
he imposed upon at a second,— \

a regular case of Double Glouces-
ter, and very strong Gloucester,
too ! No wonder that both his
pocket and his good-nature were
played upon to the tune they were.
Was it all owing to good-nature,
or did Sir Robert know the
market he was going to, and,
knowing what he had to buy, take
sufficient means with him for the
purchase ?

However, if Sir Robert Carden
has any good-nature in his compo-
sition, it will now be put severely to the test, as often as it is his
good-natured fate to listen to the remarks, or to read the comments,
that will be universally made upon those disgraceful revelations made
before the Gloucester Election Commissioners. He is greatly to be
pitied. The martyr of his own goodness, his good-nature deserved a
better return than the base one he received at Gloucester. The
electors had no right to take in one so open-hearted and credulous to
the enormous extent they did. If any one was bribed, we should say
it was Sir Robert himself. His simple, trusting nature, that parted
with money to any one who asked for it, was decidedly bribed by being
deceived by everybody. And yet look at the same man at the Mansion
House, and see how terribly severe he is upon any little girl who has
been caught begging for a penny ! The girl may be sentenced to six
weeks’ imprisonment, but then, believe us, it is only Sir Robert’s
“ excess of good-nature,”