Punch (37.1859)

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214

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 26, 1859.

'

THE SLANG OF THE SUPERIOR CLASSES.

. Young lady of qualify,
and a nobleman, were
married the other day at-
the usual place in George
Street, Hanover Square,
and of course the Morning
Post chronicled the event.
The reporter deserves
credit for the following
paragraph:—

“The company, on leaving
the Church, reassembled at the
family mansion of the Duke
and Duchess of Richmond, in
Portland Place, where break-
fast was served to a party of
nearly 200'guests.”

“Breakfast was served.”
To be sure ; that is the
way to write: how much
better than saying that
the party “partook of a
dejeuner,” as if the idea of
breakfast were something
that ought to be wrapped
up in the decent obscurity
of a foreign language.

It is true that in the
next paragraph we are
told that the bride and
bridegroom left Portland
Place “ en route” for
Goodwood,when the writer
might much better have
said “bound for Good-
wood,” or “on their way
to Goodwood;” but allow-
ance must be made for

'habitual practice, which is hard to break. Use is second nature, and nature, as
•we all knew, will keep recurring, although you “buck un out” (as they say m
Hampshire) with that implement in the name of which lies the meaning of the
flunkey’s euphemism, dejeuner ci la fourchelte.

LOVE’S REASON POR LOVE’S RHYME.

BY THE HON. AUGUSTUS TWYNTWYNE.

In Ansicer to the Question “ Why he Loved f "

As sunlit ripples of a slumbering ocean,

As dial shades, that seem unmoved to dwell.

By slow gradation of their viewless motion,

Still onward march—still upward stealing swell:

So on Love’s golden sands flood-tide will brim,

Love’s light mark noon upon Life’s dial-rim!

Tf'hy do I Love ? Does Love require a reason ?

{Aside) [Though twenty thousand reasons I could tell.*]
Do roses in the blooming summer season

Ask why so fair they show, so sweet they smell?

Or does the bee on busy wing that comes
Sing aught but “ Honey, honey ! ” as he hums ?

If of my Love 1 could make long division,

And part it into twenty thousand words,

I love because to love is bliss Elysian,—

I sing “ Love, love ! ” What sing the singing birds ?
What! ask me still “"Why I do Love thee ? ” pet!
Sweet! {kisses Miss Lutestring icith tender emphasis, and
adds, aside) she has money,—and I am in debt!

* Alluding possibly to the reputed charms of Miss L.’s figure, not
in the flesh (for Miss L. is of a spare complexion) but of her pecuniary
figure, which is a round one.

Question for Mr. Planche.

A Scottish lady who is coming to town next season,
writes to Mr. Ptmch to say that she has been studying
the. table oj “Precedence among Women.” Her husband
is in a Highland Rifle Corps, and she wishes to know
whether she is not entitled to claim, in addition to the
privileges of Wives of Gentlemen Entitled to Bear Arms,
those of Wives of Gentlemen Entitled to Bare Legs.

“The Great Tribulation Coming.”—Is it Louis
Napoleon ?

i

CITY ARTICLES IN THIS STYLE.

“ Sir,

“ I have often lamented the great poverty of style about the
City articles of your contemporaries, and I am satisfied that I or even
you * might do the thing better. I should like to give a few illustra-
tions of the kind of article that would suit. Take for instance the
T—ra—s. In this case the words should flow ponderously t and
■majestically along’; a kind of Baconic Macaulayean or Miltonic style.
Thus :—

“ Great were the changes in the Consol market to-day. At times
! “elated with joy, then driven to the lowest depths of despair, the wild
j speculators of the Stock Exchange revelled in the severity of the
I fluctuations. Men talk of the excitement of the gaming table, the
hopes and fears of the turf, but what are they to the ferocious exulta-
; ;tion or the terrible anguish felt by those whose fortunes and credit
i -are doubled or imperilled by a rise or a fall of an-eighth. Yes, one
I 'half-crown may be the ruin or the enrichment of thousands. At early
morn whispers went around that the jarring interests of Prance and
j Austria had been reconciled, and that peace would again reign between
the rival empires. Straight the cry arose, ‘ I ’ll give 96g-,’ and far
i ibeyond the sacred precincts of the Stock Exchange went forth the
; happy news. ‘An advance of an eighth, an eighth advance! ’ resounded
j from Houndsditch to Temple Bar, from London Wall to London
Bridge. Meii spoke fearfully to one another, and hesitated to credit
the (City) world wide rumour. Expectation was on tiptoe as the
; 'moment, arrived for the Second Edition of the Times. Fiercely jostled
the dealers to catch sight of the fortune-making journal. In a moment
the gigantic Buggins hoarsely bellowed ‘four new iron-cased gun-
; boats for the French navy ! ’ and down down went Consols until a fall
of a quarter was the frightful result,’ &c.

| “ There now, Mr. Punch, I flatter myself that that is something like

the writing that befits the leading journal. A different style might be
j employed with the Td—ly News. In the case of this lighter paper, a
| more flowing sort of diction is required. At present the D. N. indulges

* Cool i—Punch.

in a few flowers of fancy, but there is still scope for improvement.
Suppose we give a specimen:—

“ Bright as the bright morning sky were the cheerful countenances
of the dealers on the Stock Exchange, and gladdened were their hearts.
A heavenly rumour that peace was signed conveyed new spirits to
their bosoms, and Consols at once jumped up an-eighth. Merrily
bounded forth railway stocks, Turkish and those miscalled investments
which are especially the delight of speculators. On they caracolled,
Caledonian leading the way, that stock which represents what we may
call the whiskey side of the character of our countrymen across the
Tweed, so wide are its gyrations. Lancashire and Yorkshire, London
and North Western fast stocks sensitive to the smallest influences,
and then Great Northern, that steady-going bow-windowed (if we may
so term it) stock that moves up one per cent., and has done with it.
Merrily capered the bulls, and tossed up prices so high as to be beyond
the reach of the disheartened bears wrho shrunk gloomily into their
dens. Alas! how evanescent is joy. The second edition of that
iniquitous cold blanket (there is no necessity to allude further to a
journal deserving to be crushed into obscurity by the enlightened
public opinion of England, which as is generally allowed, we represent)
led to a quite unnecessary panic. The bulls stood aghast, and forth
rushed the bears, who with deadly hug pressed down Consols a quarter
per cent. Railways et id genus omne were also determinedly driven
down.”

“ And so on. There is again the Mo—n—g IT—r—d, a paper devoted
to the interest of Lord Derby. Why do not the respectable old
ladies who I am given to understand conduct this publication, take a
leaf out of his Lordship’s book. Lord Derby is noted for his sense
of the chivalrous, and we may charitably hope that a little of his sense
might with some difficulty perhaps be infused into the worthy editresses
of the M. II.

“ Oh for a poet’s pen to describe the bright feats in the melee of the
Stock Exchange this goodly morn. Speculators for the rise tilted
bravely with operators for a fall, and many were the broken purses.
Such a joust has not, been seen for many a day. The former for a time
had the advantage, but their opponents were not easily to be routed
‘ Gramercy for my Lancashire and Yorkshire,’ cried one bold knigh'

t How is the case at present?—Punch.