Punch (55.1868)

54 PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 1, 18CS.

MORE THAN ONE FOR HIS NOB.

Irritable Old Gentleman (who is rather particular about his appearance). “ I avisii yoo’d be Careful. That’s the Third or Fourth
Time you’a'e Pricked me with your Scissors!”

Hairdresser. “ Beg yer Pardon, Sir, but the Fact is, Sir, I ’aven’t been in the ’abit o’ Cuttin’ ’Air, Sir. We’re rather
Short of ’Ands, so-[Old Gent explodes.

PIGEON-BUTCHERS.

The Daily News lias published something, Avortli reprinting, about
the amusement of pigeon-shooting, which it seems certain “females of
the period ” have taken to patronise :—

“ To see hundreds of the birds universally-regarded as the type of innocence
mercilessly and painfully slaughtered from seats so conAreniently placed that
not a flutter of the ruffled plumage, not a gyration of the dying agony, not a
helpless struggle to use again the pinions which have been destroyed, not a
confiding look when the poor wretch sits doAvn and, without attempting to-
fly, looks its destroyer piteously in the face, is missed—to see these things
closely and minutely is a cherished amusement Avith the classes to whom all j
amusements are within reach, and Avhose station and advantages entitle them
to be looked up to and emulated as examples. Tavo days after the experience
recorded, Ave were present at a boors’ shooting match in a Surrey field. Nothing
could be more vulgar and common place than the surroundings, nothing
coarser or more essentially plebeian than the men. SparroAA^s Avere the birds
here, the prize Avas beer instead of sovereigns, and the spectators Avere the
roughest of the rough. But they gave their birds a chance, and they had left
their womenfolk at home. Sometimes a Avhole cluster of sparrows escaped
scot free, frequently onty one or tAvo out of a batch Avere killed, and no
female Avas in sight.”

Perhaps idle men are as Avell engaged in this sport, at once effeminate
and cruel, as in gambling, or talking that which prepares work for
Sir J. P. Wilde. But as for the she-spectators, Punch will gladly
believe that the only women who assist at Pigeon-Murder are Soiled
Doves.

If you are asked whether you think English playgoers can stand the
Can-can, you may safely reply—can’t can’t.

MAYOR AND ALDERMEN.

Soaie Lord Mayors and some Aldermen are really Fathers of the
■City, aud behave “ as such.” But Lord Mayor Allen and Alderman
Lusk by no means fulfil Mr. Punch's notion of fatherhood. Plis vene-
ration for the Mayor’s chair is abject, but that sentiment does not pre-
vent his apprising the sitter in that chair that he will be sat upon in a
decided way if he plays any more antics. What business had he to
•suppose that an accomplished scholar and admirable Head Master like
the chief of the City of London School had preached an objectionable
-sermon ? Is not such a man as Mr. Abbott likely to know better
than an Alderman wliat a sermon should be ? The other Fathers gave
him such a wigging on this matter that he was obliged to go to the
Prize giving, and behave himself, so we say no more at present about
that. But now it is stated that the Lord Mayor, wroth at some
strictures by the Daily News, refused its reporter a ticket to the N apier
banquet.

“ Let bumptious Allen, with an aAvkward shame,

Cease acts like these, or he ’ll be Punch’s Game.”

Then, as for Alderman Lusk, he edified the House the other night
with a cock-and-bull story of how he found a young lady and gentle-
man, the latter with handsome whiskers (which appear to have excited
old Mr. Lusk’s envy), in a railway carriage together, and the gentle-
man was smoking. Lusk “ presumed ” that she did not like smoke,
■so he made her get out and go to another compartment. We daresay
■that the young lady thought the presumptuous Lusk a fussy and dis-
agreeable old party, and wished lie would mind his own business, and
we hope that the gentleman chaffed him well. But fancy telling this
bosh to the House of Commons ! However, the Alderman Avill not
■have many more chances of boring the House Avith such twaddle. He
Avill be moved to another compartment.

The Dregs of Society.—Champagne at two-and-one.

The Temple of Isis.—Verrey’s.

I