Punch: Punch (56.1869)

94

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 6, 1869.

STUDY

Of an Ancient Buck at a Modern Burlesque.

SISTERS AND WIVES.

As a Romish Bishop can absolve a Nun from her vows by virtue of a faculty
obtained from the Pope, would it not be well to allow Nuns to make vows only on
condition of observing them till canonically dispensed from their obligation ?
Peelings change : a Sister might get tired of celibacy: and a fact came out in the
evidence on a late trial which shows that some Sisters would make some men ex-
cellent wives. One of the witnesses deposed that she had worn her veil for ten
years; another hers for a term still longer. No doubt they both of them make
the rest of their clothes last a proportional length of time.

Now a woman, such as one of these two Nuns, would be just the wife for a
poor philosopher who remains single because he is deterred from matrimony by
the fear of linendrapers’ and milliners’ bills. Such a philosopher would only throw
away money by advertising for a wife accustomed to want a new dress as seldom
as he wants a new suit. He would probably not find such a woman outside of a
convent. But now he may know that within the walls of nunneries there are ladies
who wear their veils as long as he wears his hat. If one of them could and would
but have him, she might make him as happy as any philosopher in narrow circum-
stances can be made by her who shares them. And almost all philosophers are
in narrow circumstances. A man, endowed with sense enough to live as hap-
pily as possible within his means, is usually possessed only of straitened means,
and, being blest with prudence, has little of the pecuniary needful wherewithal to
bless himself or anybody else. Evidently the only suitable wife for such a man is
a Sister.

War-Song.

Down with the Beershop, the dirty, the drear shop,
That poisons the rustic whose legs are so small,

And down with the Brewers, the tyrants, the screwers,
That make the poor publican poison us all.

musical and melancholy.

A REMARKABLE CASE.

(Vide Report of Proceedings before the Judicial Committee of
the Priuy Council, in the “Times” of February 25, on
which this Romantic Legal Legend is founded. Names j
exact. Pacts not warranted.)

A Case was brought
Before the Court,

The names we know
As told at the Bar
were

KachSkalay&nS, Rungappo
Kalhka Tola Oo-dlar;

That’s one: the other less difficult far
was

Kachlvljayh Rungappo
Kalaka Tola Oodiar.

The case was heard :

At every word

A voice laughed loudly out “ ha, ha! ”

Says the Judge, “ 1 know
That’s Rungappo.

Now officer, go ;

Take Rungappo.”

Says the Officer, “ Oh,

Which Rungappo F ”

Says the Judge, “ Bless me! What a fool you are!

The man you’ve got to take, you know,

Is Kachekalayana Rungappo
Kalaka Tola Oodiar.”

They took up Kachekalayana. “ Go
To Prison you naughty Rungappo ! ”

Says the J udge.

“ Oh fudge ! ”

Says Rungappo, “ this pas is faux,

I didn’t laugh, indeed, no, no.”

Says the Judge, “ Then show

To me the man who laughed just so—

Like this,” and the Judge gave a loud “ ha, ha! ”

Says Kachekalayana, “ Now, I know
That’s Kachivijaya Rungappo
Kalaka Tola Oodiar.”

“ Now, Chorus ! ” cried the whole of the Bar,

“ Sing Kachivijaya Rungappo,

Kalaka Tola Oodiar.”

“ I can’t catch Kachivijaya, though
I’ve tried,” says the Usher to Rungappo.

“ If you cannot Kachivijaya seize.

He won’t come back to pay his fees,”

Observed an attorney down below.

Then suddenly cries, “ Plullo! hullo !

Why where’s the other Rungappo F ”

Says the Usher, “ Sir, when he heard of fees,

A trembling shook the Indian’s knees,

And he ran away, like a frightened pup.”

“ They’ve gone,” says the Judge, “ so I ’ll sum up.

“ If Kachekalayana Rungappo
Is in the right it follows, you know,

That in the wrong is his mortal foe,

Kachivijaya Rungappo.”

But which is which is not for us,

To decide at all, but Jus is Jus—

N ow let us sing, as away we go,

Kachekalayana Rungappo !

Kachivijaya Rungappo !

So here’s to you both, whoever you are—
Kachekalayana!

Kachivijaya!

Kalaka Tola Oodiar !

Chorus (by every me concerned). Kachekalayana !

Kachivijaya !

Kalaka Tola Oodiar.

[Exeunt omnes.

Q. What is the difference between a pitchfork and a tuning-fork F
A. The one is used to make hay with, and the other to make “A” with.

Motto for Purchasers of Shadwell Life Belts.—“ I don't believe you,
my buoy.”

An Unhappy Misnomer.

A newspaper paragraph advertises a “celebrated kid
glove” by the name of “Josephine.” This is very un-
historical. Poor Josephine owed her divorce from the
benefactor of his species to the misfortune of being kidless.