Punch: Punch (57.1869)

July 24, 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

29

WHAT TO DO WITH OUR OLD WOODEN WALLS.

dmiral Punch presents his

ST. SWITHIN'S, 1869.
Even the rainy Saint is bland and benign to the Crystal Palace. On the

comnliments to the old salt* • ^ m, ^ "^"^auu uemgn totneurystal Palace. On

and5Sid swells wt W i m?rnm$ £ Thursday the 15th he was distinctly heard to say-making
and splendid swells who have a line of Tennyson's still more emphatic-" there shall not be a drop

of rain the whole of the livelong day ;" and it is only fair to add, that
he kept his saintly word, and so merited the confidence the Directors
placed in him, when they fixed a " Grand Pyrotechnic " Festival for
his anniversary, and trusted that his waterworks would not interfere
with their fountains. He deserves to have a great set piece specially
in his honour in the next display, with plenty of Roman Candles and
St. Catherine wheels.

the happiness to form the
Admiralty Board, and begs
to know what to their think-
ing is the use of keeping afloat
a lot of obsolete old hulks
at some half-dozen of our
dockyards, now that such
ships are quite unsuitable for

purposes of war, and ugly v£r iaps of T ^ce u canonisatl°n m the reign of Pope Aquarius
as they are, cost the country ; XVL> h™ StA S,mt£m b0e,eu so the subject of conversation as he

something handsome for re-1 Was °\ the syd,enham S °.Pes last Thursday • and the blessings that
pairs and yellow paint ? As 7Ve sho.wered down on ms l^ad, m acknowledgment of his thought-
economvislustnowthe'order^r11688 m not showering down any accumulated moisture on ten
of the 'dav Admiral Punch 'thousand mce bonnets, must have well repaid him for not being quite
would mildly hint that some ; m }il element. He is now at liberty to do something for the harvest
thousands of pounds yearly i a.nd th<T .hoPs> but l} je ™* ma^e an°ther excegtl0n m fa™ur °f the
might be saved by chopping up.these old ships into firewood without ^^SmS^^ ^ 7 ^ ^

weakening in anv way our national defences, or at all imperilling the i kllTs 01 Um compliments snail be paid him.

safety of our coasts. Abetter use, however, for these old wooden' TL sPent my money and time very agreeably over "Sydenham's
walls of ours would be to put them in commission as Homes fori w°r.ks 011 the I5™- I varied my amusements and my diet, and as
Homeless Children, and to station them in various ports and harbours 1 the. daf was true summer and the thermometers in high spirits, perhaps
in the kingdom, as a fleet of floating schools to train up true blue ! a short account ot what 1 did deserves to be put upon Record by
British tars. Admiral Punch has lately inspected the ship Chichester, yourseli, Mr. Punch, and Sir 1. Drjirus Hardy.
at her moorings off Greenhithe, and was so thoroughly delighted with I played croquet, and had my hair cut; I got upon a velocipede and
all he saw and heard there, that he wishes all the hulks now rotting had my hair privately dyed; I went to an opera, and was shampooed;
near our dockyards were put to the same service as this now useful ship. ! my portrait was taken, and my carte de visile expeditiously printed;
Here some hundreds of young school-less, shoeless, shirtless little ! I lost property, and on being weighed, was delighted to find that I
urchins caught hap-hazard in the slums, have been saved from grow- had not lost something else, my frame being already too spare; my
ing up into roughs, ruffians, and rascals, and trained to be good boots were highly polished, so were my manners; I liked the Camera
sailors, and to earn their livelihood by doing honest work. Obscura, but not the dark railway carriage in which I rode from

The Chichester is kept afloat by voluntary charity, and three five- Balham; 1 behaved circumspectly in the Circus, and went the round
pound notes suffice to feed and clothe and educate a boy there for a \ of the Picture Gallery; I enjoyed draughts (of cream soda, mauufac-
year. Economists might grumble were the House to pass a vote of i tured by a wheel, and a dexterous young woman whom I did not envy
funds for floating schools, nor is it likely that the country will soon be ; having to recollect a dozen different syrups for a dozen thirsty apph-
so enlightened as to learn that keeping prisons costs more than keep- cants), was introduced to the automaton Chess Player, and made
ing schools. Any lad who may be rescued by such vessels as the I acquainted with his checkered career, and admired a large number of
Chichester, at a cost, while he is trained there, of but fifteen pounds : charming young persons in ruffs &ui puttiers, whose affable demeanour
a-year, might possibly have grown into a ruffianly garotter, and have j to their companions convinced me that they were in a fair way to be
been sent to gaol by his enlightened country, at a cost for every year j speedily mated.

there of not less than thrice as much. 1 saw the Nawab and the other great " Bengal lights: " I visited the

Let the hulks now rotting useless, and not costless, near our dock- rosary and the geramumry; I studied the raw material in the Techno -

yards, be put to such good service as the admirable Chichester, and logical Museum, and the cooked material in the Saloon Dining Room ;

how many poor street boys v ill be rescued from the chance of going I listened to organs, pianos, bands and babies; I promenaded and

convicts to " the hulks." j lemonaded; and as a grand finale to the day's Programme (is not

- I threepence rather too much to charge for it ?), almost as pleased as

-Ron vv too f?v Ton i to o qk-i pnHBtrspnwnFMTS the excited school-boys who were my neighbours, I rapturously
ROO-Ei-100-Ei.-lOO ! 10 2,675,%d CORRESPONDED IS. applauded the mar0ons and the balloons, the saucissons and

What ho! A Goblet! D rink for Mr. Punch! He was born, Sirs, asteroids, and Magnesium lights (which Mrs. Malaprop, near whom
on Saturday, the 17th July, 1841. Consequentially, Saturday last was i I had the honour of sitting, would call sausages and asterisks, and
the One Thousand, Four Hundred and Sixty-Third hebdomadal return \ Magnesia), the cascades and the fountains (" red hot" as one of the lads

of his natal day. Affably thanking the Universe for its well-merited
confidence in his baton, he dippeth his beak m the Gascon wine, and
adviseth the inhabitants of the said Universe to look out for his Two
Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty-Sixth hebdomad, when they
will hear something to their advantage. Hooray!

And, by the way, Sirs. Mr. Punch is not going to be published in future
at the North Pole, or onboard the Great Eastern, or in the silver mines
of Potosi, or under the Great Wall of China, or in the caves of Elephanta,
or in the Grotto of Antiparos, or in the Apollo Gallery at Versailles, or
in the whirlpool of the Maelstrom, or at the top of the Great Pyramid.

well expressed it), the comets and the rockets, the batteries and the
salvoes, the temples and the palm trees, and all the rest of the successful
splendours achieved by Mr. Brock, who seems fired by a noble sky-
aspiring ambition constantly to surpass himself.

And then, after admiring the dazzling cornice of fight round the
beautiful Palace, 1 came home in a girandole—no, I mean in a railway
carriage—where there might be more travellers than seats (that young
couple seemed to put up with the inconvenience very patiently), on a
line of railway more remarkable on this occasion for safety than speed,
past stations not conspicuous for architectural beauty, and to a terminus

Equally unfounded is the story that there is any " changing of hands " j to my journey and my paper, my sole regret being that in my misplaced
m respect to the immortal Punch, one and indivisible. He is Punch of confidence in the Saint, I had encumbered myself with, and lost, a

Whitefriars, published by his friends, Bradbury, Evans, & Co., and
he intends to be published there by them and their descendants in
strict entail for eleven hundred and forty-seven years, when the Millen-
nium, brought about by his endeavours, may render them unnecessary.
But until then, and possibly afterwards, he remains, your, the Public's,
and the Universe's friend, ^und} of Whitefriars.

Alsatia.

Bat and Bali.

In a report of the well-contested Cricket Match between Eton and
Harrow, cleverly won by Eton, at Lord's on Saturday, you may have
Been that Begbie having, after a good innings, been caught out:—

" Another of Harrow's best bats, Apcar, succeeded to the vacancy, and at
86 the Eton captain retired from the attack, Maude resuming."

May the gallant Captain and Cricketer of Eton retire no sooner than
at 86 from bowling in the game of life, and the brave Best, of Harrow,
have an equally long innings.

valuable cotton umbrella. Axerley H. Norwood.

A Noble Marksman.

In the Morning Post, the other day, appeared a letter on " Pigeon-
Shooting," vindicating it from a charge of special cruelty, and signed
" Willoughby de Broke." Doubtless the cruelty of Pigeon-Shooting
has been greatly exaggerated, and its champion is a dead shot, other-
wise one might ask whether his signature should not have been

"WlLLOUGHBY de BrOKENWI-VG P"

gallantry in the house.

There is no truth in the report that Mr. Henry Herbert, the
advocate of better accommodation for the Ladies in their Gallery, has
been offered the vacant post of President of the Virgin Islands. Rather
grilling this weather behind the grating.