Punch (57.1869)

September IS, 1869.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

113

RECENT CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.

(Reported in the " Times " last week.)

Lot of drovers and sailors—
Heavens! a sailor and a
cowardly brute!! No, hearts
of oak—shiver my maintops,
it can't be ! At all events,
if it is, it shan t be—have
ill-used the poor beasties
that come all the way from

Rotterd--(" bad word,"

as the prim old lady said) to
provide us Englishmen with
the roast beef of Old Eng-
land—yes, ye gentlemen
who sit at home at ease
(where ? in what chairs ? by
the way), to provide you wit h
the Old English roast beef.

Shall the cattle be bullied ?
No. Shall disease be gene-
rated by cramming (it is,
afterwards, ye gentlemen
aforesaid of Old England by
stuffing) and herding the
poor animals together until
fiends in shape of drovers
and sailors can walk over
their backs like mats ? Shall
they be goaded and hounded
on to the shore ? No.

There is an Act, and the
Privy Council can stop this
and punish the offenders,
punish the Directors who
order the packing on board

THE POP' AN' JOCK GUMMING.

Air—" The Campbells are Coming "

The Pop' an' Jock Cumming, oh dear, oh dear !
They winna forgather I fear, 1 fear;
For Jock certain questions has got to speer
That the Pop' wadjia fancy to hear, hear, hear.

The Pop' till his Cooncil did all invite,

Wha couldna see Truth, to.receive their sight.

" Eor me," answered Jockie, " noo that's a' right;

Just what I wad hae is your light, light, light.

" Ye've sic an' sic points T could ne'er mak' oot,
An' want my puir vision illumed aboot;
Mair light is the cure my complaint wad suit;
Sae lighten my darkness an' doot, doot, doot.

"Do show me your light, abune Lime, or Bude,
Magnesian, Electric—do be sae gude !
Sin' I've been invited, I dinna intrude ;
When I cry for light ca' me not rude, rude, rude."

The Pop' to Jock Cumming maks no reply ;
Nonpossumus, noo, he may truly cry.
'Tis not as it was in the days gane by,
When a Pop' could his questioner fry, fry, fry.

The Pop' and his Cardinals sing fu' sma',
An' they girn an' they glow'r in their Conclave Ha',
An' their auld shaven chaps wi' dismay do fa':
Jock Cumming's dumbfounded 'em, a', a', a' !

THE ELASTICITY OF YOUNG LADIES.

Is tight-lacing injurious to health? Quite the reverse. That is to
say, for women.

Man, we know—we anatomists and physiologists—is fearfully and
wonderfully made. Woman is made still more wonderfully and more
the steamboats first, punish j fearfully,
their agents, from captains She is made more fearfully for her parents, at least, and for her
downwards,'who see the \ husband. Women, mostly, are always ailing ; ttiat is owing to delicate
brutal commands carried 1 constitution. This is fearful for those who love them, and on whom it
out. Go it, Mb,. Arthur entails doctors' bills. But female ailments are never caused by tight-
lacing, only by over-exertion and other varieties of self-sacrifice.

Women are more wonderfully made than men. Lady Macbeth says,
comparatively of men and a woman :—

" That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold ;
What hath quenched them hath given me fire."

Helps !

There, ye Gentlemen, edu-
cate the drovers. Let us
hear no more " cursing and
a swearin' like anythink"
in our streets as through

, , . , - That which is man's meat is woman's poison, and vice-versa. Tight-
t nem our looa is taken to , iac[ng would make any man uncomfortable. Women declare that it is
the markets. n'ce_ -j^0 doubt, if an ordinary man were to wear stays which drew in

,i usu j,r n0 t,uucls anci! his waist to sixteen inches, his respiration would be impeded. Perhaps
thwackmgs, but let gentle smdes irradiate the shepherd s countenance ifc would soon cease_ Men breathe partly by means of pectoral muscles,
as he drives his lambkins to the new emporium ; let joyous harmonies , whicn expand tue r;Ds. Tight stays would prevent their action. A
make the new road welkin ring as the gay beaming drovers witii! tigHt-lacea man, indeed, coulci only breatlie by Lis diaphra.gm, and. thac
leather brushes switch their fresh and scarcely breathed beasts. [ Squeezed ail(} jammed together with the super and subjacent viscera.

Instead of from the drovers sayage mouths, such sounds as these : j A woman breathes independently of pectoral muscles, diaphragm, and
br-r-r-r—blank my, &c.—vot the blank are yer gettm down there lor, j aji )QOse things
blank you — ' , . ' Even if a man, laced like a young lady, could exist for a short time,

[Whack thwack waving of arms more Grrr-grrr ! —whoops WQuld be never well. His ribs, by" the constriction of his waist,

and cries, and howls, and blankings, and confused herding and
rushing of the frightened animals
I say, instead of this, let us hear : "Nay, gentle bullock, do not turn

would be forced into his liver, and indent it with deep grooves. His
stomach and its dependencies would be displaced and compressed.
The bde would be apt not to get into his duodenum, and his solar

aside ; do not I pray thee^go down a side street, for our way lies ; plexus of nem8 would be squashed. He would be afflicted with indi-
jonder straight on, m lact. gestion: he would grow peevish, fretful, melancholy, be always moaning

\_tle coaxes him back to the herd, kisses his forehead, weeps at the •
idea of his being made into rounds and sirloins, stifles his emo-
tion, and, joining his comrades in the rear, sings a gay air, the
burden of its chorus being "tra la la la liety."
This is a suggestion. Something, in fact, to begin with. Let who
will go on with it, and may blessings light on the Privy Council if they
adopt the hints of yours everj

Manchester. Bullock Smythie.

Musical News.

The new Irish Church is called the Church of the Puture. Here.
Wagner has sent to ask whether he shall compose hymns for it. He
has been answered by an extract from the Canon, forbidding service in
a language that nobody can understand.

Certainly Not.—Police Constables who just manage to scramble
out of a dirty case, can scarcely be said to get clean off.

and sighing, and taking sal volatile, and would pass much of his time
in lounging on a sofa.

The plastic nature of woman's organisation, in substance resembling
caoutchouc, enables her to lace almost as tight as she pleases with
impunity : the delicate health which many women enjoy, and whereby
they afford so much enjoyment to their friends and relations, arising
from those other causes above-mentioned.

To lace quite as tight as perhaps some women would like, to be
sure, is not in their power. If you were to take a woman, put a strap
or a girdle round her neck, and pull it in several inches, you would
seriously inconvenience her, and we know, indeed, from the case of
Maria Manning and a few others, that a certain constriction of the
female throat is even fatal. What is true of the jugular veins, the
carotid arteries, the larynx and trachea, is doubtless not altogether
untrue of the thoracic and abdominal vessels, nerves and viscera. But
lacing has evidently no consequences which prevent women from
wearing stays as tight as they think pretty.

Polite Imprecation of the Period.—Lace me tight!