Punch (59.1870)

148

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 8, 1870.

JOHN CUCUMBER.

John Cucumber was a rebel bold;

For all their enterprise
To render him quiescent food,

They saw he still would rise.

Him, therefore, not to work men woe,
Though losing pains thereby,

They lastly, as a worthless thing,
Did out of window shy.

So much for cold John Cucumbek,
Whom few iusides can stand,

Of all Cucurbitacete,

The worst in merrie England.

THE PENAL ECONOMY OF THE FUTURE.

India, or part of India, is blessed with a certain " Whipping Act"
passed with a view to save the honest part of the community the ex-
pense of keeping rogues and thieves in gaol. In places, owing to
prevalent effusion of the milk-and-water of human kindness on the
brain, this salutary enactment has not been enforced with the rigour
necessary to the attainment of its object. Therefore the Lieutenant
Governor of the district comprising the gaols in the Dacca and Chitta-
gong Divisions has, according to the Bombay Gazette, issued a minute.,
of which every Magistrate in the division is to be furnished with a copy.
This rnasterlv State Paper of the local Executive admonishes those to
whom it is addressed that:—

" As the Whipping Act was passed by the Legislature avowedly for the
purpose of relieving the gaols of overcrowding, the Lieutenant-Governor,
without in any way wishing to interfere wan the discretion of judicial
officers, or to dictate to them the punishments they are to award, thinks that
it is the duty of Magistrates to put asi'le any personal feeling they may enter-
tain regarding the punishment of whipping, and use more freely in all proper
cases the power the law places in their hands without reference to sentiment
or prejudice."

There came four Cooks out of the West, t, • , , ■ m , r j T , .

Pour Cooks both strong and high I - V> " > he hoped that nuenhghtened humanity wiu not prevent

John Cucumber should

te.

They took a frame and caged him down,
Upon the forcing-bed,

They seasoned him with salt, no lack,
They peppered him all o'er,

They vinegared iiis mangled form,
And oil thereon did pour.

They steeped him, on a china plate,

In liquor to the brim,
The way they served John Cocumber

Drew down big tears from him.

End of Empire.

Remarking on the present position of Eagland in relation to
Europe, the Times very justly says :—

11 In our own case Empire nas yielded to fusion, and all the various metals
of which society is here composed are now in the furnace."

Let us be thankful, however, that England is not too hot to hold
more than certain persons, and consider that, if Empire has here ended
in fusion, it might, as it has elsewhere, have had a worse end. In a
Ihey stirred and ossed him o er and o er, neighbouring nation Empire has ended in confusion.

liegardless of the woe
Erom his much weeping which appeared :

Th^v '"med him to and fro. Letters Patext — Post Cards.

And they have sworn, though prone to rise, f,nd.ian Magistrates from accepting this very polite invitation to do

their duty, and spare honest people taxation by not sparing rogues the
cat-o'-nine tails, 'thereunto their minds may need some strengtheiiinsr,
which should derived from the remainder of the Lieutenant-Gper-
nor's minute ; a gem aad model, in its way, of didactic remark:—

Wherein, by artificial growth, « The punishment of whipping, if properly administered, is a very severe

John Cucumber they bred. ■ j and deterrent one, and its more frequent use, combined with a judicious

resort to the punishment of fine, in lieu of simple imprisonment, would no

When cheerful Spring brought Salmon in, doubt prevent the overcrowding of gaols, which is now so general throughout

At price per pound no small, j Bengal, and release Government from the difficulty and expense of providing

John Cocumbbk rash people then additionalnrison accommodation."

Consumed their tish withal. Sufill> unquestionably, is the' desirable effect which " the pun-
mi - f0 ishment of whipping" would produce in England also, no less than

lhe ripening suns of bummer came, : t j- «-c i j • -a» in ► ~ ■ • ' ,__• ■ .

Andh ert l rse a d in 111 i-n(Ua " properly administered. Lhat proviso is material, and

» j dT*K , : r should be remembered by the justices who preside over our prisons, and

And some did then express their tears •., i • . < > ■ , 1 , ,■ r ' .

T. . i i j j ,i with whom it rests to make arrangements tor the correction ot

mat he had done them wrong. garotters. If the punishment of whipping- were thus always rendered

», , . , , ■,, " a very severe and deterrent one," economy suggests that "its more

At sober Autumn s entrance mild, frequent use," legalised by extension to all manner of rogues, thieves,

uistempers dia prevail and other base criminals, would be at least a great advautage to the

Of such a sort that now they said rate-payer. Whipping-cheer for convicts is much cheaper than a tang

iney stntw he made them ail. courge q{ eyeu prigon ^ wh{ch costs mure iUa workllouse diet. and

Abounding dailv more and more, £rime surely deserves a heavier punishment than poverty instead ot

Those ca«»ea did so rao-e being rewarded with prison accommodation. I he chastisement

Those four", ;uoks tried their cleverest plan has diminished garotting would doubtless likewise diminish

His crudeness to assuage. stf*lW arid fraud: adulteration, for example, aad the use ot fake

° weights and measures. Should any one ot our playwrights shortly

They took a weapon thin and sharp, Pr°duc,e a drama> °[ which the plot hinges on felony, and a thief

And sliced him, sore to see, 18 tbe Primps h* will have the good sense to append to it bj

Then dressed birr vita their highest art, , way ot tag the admirable observations abjve-quoted on the

And skill in cookene. punishment of whipping.