Punch (59.1870)

November 5, 1870.] PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 189

CIGARETTE PAPERS.

first paper.—my aunt's great police case.

She drives down in a Hansom cab ("Four-wheelers and Fevers begin
with F," she says) to my retired cottage, about tea miles out of town,
and the driver " puts up " during the consultation.

The consultation lasts for four hours, including the dinner hour, and
the result is that " she must consult a solicitor.

The consultation (with me) consisted of her showing me the banker's
letters, the Company's replies, her letters, then her written suspicions

ow, my Aunt had something
left her by Somebody. She

was un(terj i lmPress!on} of the Company, then explanations as To her fear that the banker
that she had only to mention | wasri't taking much trouble about the matter, then of her anxiety lest

some other claimant, some other Administrator, might step in (this was
her great fear), and claim the whole sum, whatever it was. "In which
case," she continued, " you know there would be law proceedings;
and," she added, with some amount of family pride, and with a view
to the interest, on the aforesaid Conveyancer's hundred pounds," you
could appear for me." We then got out a Law Dictionary (date 1720),
and she was much impressed by the article headed " Administrators,"
extracts from which she took to be the part of the results of my vast
legal erudition, and consequently as so much interest on her capital to
which she was entitled.
The consultation being finished, the cab was sent for.
The process of "putting up" for several hours had had a consider-
able effect on the driver, who, on being asked if he recollected the
address he had driven from in the afternoon (it, was now past, ten at
night), replied, hazily, " Rightchar," meaning, it is supposed, "Right
you are ; " adding an exhortation to my Aunt to '' Step up, will yer ? "

" That man is drunk," I said, judicially, to the servant. The servant
was uncertain. A friend stopping with us agreed with me, bat was
inclined to give him a chance. My Aunt didn't believe in his inebriety,
but proposed some theory about the night-air and the uucertaiu light.

the fact to another Some
body somewhere in the City,
and she would get, it.-

On making the applica-
1 ion to this Somebody in the
City, who turned out to be
a Company, and Limited,
she was informed that she
coaldn't get her money
for at least three months.
'Whereupon she sent to
her banker, and informed
him that she couldn't have
the money for three months.
At the end of three months
she wrote to the banker,
who wrote to the Company
Limited, and the Company
Limited, in the politest
manner possible, wrote to

necessary papers,

Then the banker referred
the question to my Aunt.
" Goodness ! " said my
Aunt, who began to see difficull ies, " Do they take me for a swindler ? "

it then struck her that the Limited was pretending to forget her
claim ; so she found the papers. Having sent these to her banker, and
her banker having forwarded them to the Company Limited, the politest
possible message was returned, to the effect, thar, though the papers
were perfectly satisfactory as far as they went (" Do they think I'm a
forger't " exclaimed my Aunt indignantly), yet it was absolutely neces-
sary that she should take out Letters of Administration.

"Now, what Letters of Administration are, or how you take them

him, and asked for the j ^Be mau himsejf denied the imputation warmly.

Not wishing for a row (which means, in a general way, "having my
head punched"), I assisted my Aunt, into the cab.

We wished her good-bye, but stood waiting to see the start.
This was a difficulty, owing to the driver being unsettled in his mind
as to where the road was. First he pulled the reins so as to back the
cab against the palings; then (still explaining to us from his perch
that he was only "trying to take the best turning") he pulled the
horse round with the right rein, which, resulting in no progress at all,
he changed for the lefc.

Upon this, we beseeched my Aunt to get out, the man being, unques-
tionably, drunk.

The driver, hearing this, vehemently contradicted us, and attempted
to explain that the horse couldn't go on straight because the reins were

out, or where you take them out to, I know no more," said my Aunt, twisted
helplessly, "than the Man in the Moon." , , . , ! " Untwist them then, you idiot," said my friend. I wished at the

Hitherto my Aunt had always received her dividends regularly had moment fle wouldn't call the man names, or if he did that he wouldn't
not entered into.investments, or buying, or selling, and had never been \ stand safel inside our te and do £ wuere the man cou!dn't see him,
an Administratrix. Being suddenly placed m that position, the ordinary and wou]d thiuk j_ >d done iL The driyer) however, didn't notice this ;
calm of her life seemed to have vanished. _ but descerjded from his seat (a dangerous and perfectly unnecessary

On receiving this fresh advice from the City concerning the Letters operation), in order to adopt my friend's advice and untwist them

of Administration, she thought over the matter all the morning, made
nothing of it, came to a decision, and telling her maid (she lives in
lodgings with her maid) to get a cab, she drove down to see me.

1 am her resort in difficulties. She is under the impression that,
because 1 happened to have been called to the Ear, and read in a Con-
veyancer's chambers, 1 must be thoroughly acquainted with the Law,
and, as a relation, will give her good sound advice, thus obviating a
consultation with a solicitor, which she associates, indistinctly and
generally, with the Police Courts, Old Bailey, and witness boxes.
I don't want to have anything to do with Law, my dear," says she

All he did Avas to tug at the horse's head and swear a little, which
probably relieved his brain considerably, as he was able to climb up
again, after not more than three false slips. Again on his box,
his pulling at the unfortunate animal's head became more violent,
when, seeing him about to back into the ditch, we rushed towards the
cab and received mv Aunt in our arms, anyhow, like a parcel out of a
van at a luggage office.

Then we shut the gate on the man, and left him. He rang the bell
at intervals for an hour afterwards ; bat, attracting no attention,, he
left off, and somehow or another, drove away. How far he-got, or if he

to me. " But I don't mind coming to you," which, seeing that I j ever rt'acued London at all that night, is to this day a matter of great

am a barrister, is scarcely complimentary to my legal knowledge.
Perhaps she little knows,—in fact I am sure she little knows what a
very small amount of Law 1 managed to bring away from the Temple
and Lincoln's Inn in exchange for regular payments for dinners
(which, after the first few indispensable ones, I never ate), attendance
on Lecturers (where 1 made some very pleasant acquaintances, and got
through a deal of light literature), a wig, a gown (sold afterwards at a loss
to a friend), some law books, enormous precedent books (which subse-
quently became account-books, scrap-books, odds-and-ends books),
and a hundred pounds to a Conveyancing Barrister for the privilege of
having a place to sit in, when 1 visited Lincoln's Inn, in the company
of four other pleasant young gentlemen of more or less studious habits,
but having very clear ideas on the subject of luncheon at one o'clock
daily.

If that Conveyancer had ever called me into his room, and in a fit of
remorse had said, "You paid a hundred pounds to learn something;
you have learnt nothing. Here is your hundred pounds," I should
have looked upon him as a man doing nothing more than his duty. By
what legal quibble he ever justified himself to himself for keeping my
money is a puzzle to me. Bat I suppose he went by precedent, that
being his rule in all possible cases.

So my Aunt (who, by the way, is the real sufferer in this case, as it
was her hundred pounds) comes to me on every occasion when she
requires legal advice, taking tkis as a sort of interest for her money
invested.

uncertainty. My Aunt stopped with us that night, and next morning
went to her solicitor.

Some days afterwards she came down again, this time in a fly.
"Letters of Administration V I asked.

" No, my dear! " she exclaimed, in an almost fainting state. " I'm
summoned ! "

" Summoned! " I exclaimed.

" Yes," she said, "to a Police Court. That Cabman! To-morrow I
shall be a prisoner. Tell me what they can do to me."

{Told hereafter)

Words and "War.

{To other People's Correspondents)

Sortie." French word. Tilly-vally !
When besieged Chiefs cry out " Alley,"
Why, my Masters, not write Sally ?

addition to exeter hall.

In aid of the steps which the Government is at last taking to supply
the Volunteers with arms of efficiency, the seriously patriotic Public
would do well to get up a Society for the Conversion of Enfield Rifles.