Punch (59.1870)

December 17, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

259

While still Death holds his way with sword and brand,
Still the Valkyrier* make their fatal choice.

Still stormed on by ill-will from either side,
Be we content to do the best we can—

Give all tbat wealth, peace, goodwill can provide,
For war's poor victims who their helpers ban.

We have no right to wait for men's good word,

No right to pause before men's unearned hate:
No right to turn the ear, when threats are heard

Of what will, some day, be the neutral's fate.
"Do right and fear not" must be England's stay,

As it has been, let wrath say what it will.
So with love's unthankcd labour let us pray,t

And do our best to ease war's weight of ill!

* The Norse " Choosers of the slain."

t Qui laborat orat.

EVENINGS FROM HOME.

uccessful the Holborn
Theatre has been with
■Jezebel, which, without that,
deliciously sensational piece
Odds,vi\\\ prove sufficiently
attractive. The construc-
tion of Mr. Boucicault's
last act is most artistic.

ACT If.

The Curiam rising discovers Comic Bigamist at hrealcfast. His name is

Cristal.

Cristal. I was once hung for being a bigamist, but was restored by
Commodore Breitmann, who is my benefactor.

Enter Commodoke Breitmann, author of the Breitmann Ballads.
Commodore. I will light anybody who says anything against
Madame D'Artigues. She is my niece.

Madame Jezebel {meeting him). Thank you.

Commodore {starts). HrIIo ! You are not my niece, and I've fought
six duels on your account; already. George D'Artigues is married.
Madame Jezebel {starts). Ah !

Cristal {recognising Jezebel, starts). Ah! my wife ! [Exit.

ACT III.

Geobge at home as an amiable Bigamist.
Mrs. D'Artigues {Number Two). This letter!! {starts). What does
it mean ?

George starts and exit. Commodore starts and remains.

N.B. By the icay, a really capital scene here between Mr. Par-
se),l.e {never better than in this), and Miss Lydia Foote,
excellent.

Enter Madame D'Artigues {Number One).
Madame IfArtigues {seeing Number Two). Ah! {Starts.)
Madame D'Artigues {Number Two). Ah ! {Starts.)
George {entering). Hallo ! {Starts.)

[Very awkward this for poor George.

Enter Cristal. Madame Number One starts.

Cristal {to Madame Jezebel). But you were married to me. But you
were married before. Ergo you oughn't to have married me.
Ergo you're a trigamist; I'm not really a bigamist; and George isn't
a bit of a bigamist. The police will remove you, and there being
nothing more to say, we will have the Curtain down at once on this

PRINCIPAL DRAMATIS
PERSONiE.

George D'Artigues {an

amiable and impulsive

Bigamist) Mr. Neville.
Cristal {a comic Bigamist)

Mr. Holston. I capitally contrived situation which the audience will applaud.

Madame IYArtigv.es {a\ End of Play.

wicked Trigamist). Attentive Person {to Friend). But [ don't quite understand—

ACT i His Friend {much pleased with the piece.). No more do I. Bravo!

„ . {Applauds enthusiastically.) Doosidly well acted. Verv good.

Room in George D Ar-
tigues' House.

Madame Jezebel {siceetly).
I want, two thousand
million francs.

has come in late — to his Friend). What for ?

His Friend {who was in at the beginning). I don't know.

Gentleman in Stalls {who

A CLAP OF STAGE THUNDEK.

Worthy Mr. Punch,

Cynics say that there are no dramatic critics now-a-days, for
what is now called criticism is nothing but false praise. Puffery reigns
supreme, they think, in this department of the Press, and public writers

They attend to the piece. \ are so swayed by private motives towards laudation that anything like
George {welcoming the Tragic Nautical Doctor). Ah, my old friend ! \ censure never comes from their paid pens. Well, this may be true in
Let me introduce you to my wife. general, but there are certainly exceptions, as witness these remarks

[Nautical Doctor starts, and drops wine-glass. Madame Jezebel j iu a recent bit of criticism in the Daily News .—

starts. George starts. "He had no story to tell which was worth telling . . . he had not even

George {beginning to be a trifle suspicious). Hallo! {Dissembles.) ! the faintest idea of how to handle a plot . . . nor is the delineation of charac

ter exactly his forte . . . his dialogue is weak and diffuse . . . his scenes, as
a rule, lead to nothing, while his acts invariably terminate with an anti-
climax."

A pleasant breakfast must the author have had after his " first

Now we '11 go out. [Exit with Nautical Doctor.

Enter sharp little Soubrette, tvilh Letter.
Madame Jezebel {reading letter, starts). Your husband has quarrelled
with^ Monsieur Somebody. night," if he found upon ins table many notices of his new drama such

Attentive Man (m Stalls). Who s he ? | as this ! But, supposing there be fair grounds to justify such censure,

His Friend Don t know. {Refers to bill.) Hes^not down._ I cry " Bravo ! " to the writer who has the pluck to pen it. I consider

Madame^ (to herself). They will tight! (Starts.) George is a first- tnat jn pointing out the weak points of a play, a critic merely does

what he is privileged and paid to do. As a writer for the public, it is
his business and his duty to tell the public truly his opinion of a piece.
When a play should be condemned, it is his province to speak plainly,
and so prevent his readers from wasting time and money on a
worthless work. The public have a right to look for censure in the

rate swordsman

Enter Geokge, he starts and scowls at her. She starts and dissembles
N.B. Great deal of starting and dissembling in this piece.
George. I'm going to fight Monsieur Thingummy.
Madam.e (starting). Ah ! (dissembling) Dear me 1

(Aside). I'll poison him. [Pours poison into George's glass] newspapers when censure is deserved : and, tailingr this the critics may

George sees her and slartsf] be viewed as merely hireling manufacturers of puffs, loo many write

George (violently). I see'd yer do it. with rosewater where they rather should use vinegar ; and if seventy

Madame (starting). Ah!' £ criticism is ever to become still rarer _ than it is, we may live to see

George. Monsieur Thingummy (can't catch the name) was your j the><^bllc' tendering their thanks for it in some such form as this :-

Lover I have killed him. i ^ C-2:be%? to J*pr5,?s ^be SrahUide^of the^ pubhc for the

[Starts. She starts. Altitudes. Enter Nautical Doctor. He
starts.

Nautical Doctor. I will suggest another start. Let your wife think
you're poisoned, and we'll start off together.

[They start off together, leaving Madame Jezebel to start by
herself.

Soubrette (starts). Ah ' Smljrette' Leaving you on due occasion to carry out the hint, I remain,

Madame Jezebel (starts). Ah ! [Goes into tits and starts

Prompter starts and lets down the Curtain on Act I.

sensible severity wherewith the Press has criticised the stupid play
produced on Monday evening last. The critics have so seldom the
courage to condemn, that a special word of thanks is in this instance
their due : and, speaking in ihe name of British playgoers in general,
Mr. Punch would fain express their gratefullest acknowledgment of
the way in which a clumsy, dull, and ineffective play has most de-
servedly been doomed."

Yours most admiringly,

Tartarus Place, Tuesday. Kjiadamanthus Jones.