Punch (59.1870)

December 24, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

271

TO ARGYLL FROM IONA.

0 list to antiquarian groans,

Mac Caelum More, Argyll !
Not only Smith, and Brown, and Jones,
But recreant Scotchmen make no bones
Of marring monumental stones

In thine lona's Isle.

Abbots and Priors they deface ;

Old Saints and ancient Kings :
Those Cockneys vile, and Sawneys base,
Their common country's foul disgrace:
Opprobrium on the British race

Each Snob, each Caitiff, brings.

Exert, upon lona's shore,

What power thou dost possess,
its yet remaining relics hoar
Emm spoilers to preserve in store :
If that thou canst, Mac Callum More,

Thou 'It surely do no less.

CHRISTMAS OVER THE BORDER.

Southerner (forgetting that Christmas Day falls on Sunday this year). "Good
morning, Mr. Scarebairn. A Merry Christmas."

The Rev. Mr. S. "E-ii Mon ! that's nae a fittin' Ae'jective to pit

.£.fork the Sabbath M"

SURPRISING NOVELTY.

An unusual, if not unheard-of kind of thing has occurred.
The Pall Mall announces that :—

" The Lords of the Admiralty have, in order to show their
approbation of the general good conduct of the different crews
of the ships composing the Channel Squadron, resolved that
the men belonging to Plymouth shall have leave (watch by
watch) to visit their friends at Christmas ; and the same boon
will be granted to those who belong to Portsmouth and the
eastern ports, under like regulations."

Eew people, probably, were ever more surprised in their
lives than on reading the foregoing statement. Why, it
iells us that a geuerous and gracious thing has actually
been done by the Lords of the Admiralty !

To the Engaged.

Would you like the girl of your heart to see you
while you are having your hair shampooed; or at that
comical moment when the hatter, wishing to obtain the
exact size of your bead, is trying on the curious little
machine which he keeps for that purpose ?

HORSE-WORSHIPPERS HORRIFIED.

The extremities to which the Parisians have been reduced for food
by the siege of their city must appear peculiarly appalling to British
devotees of horse-worship. " Argus," in the Post, says :—

"From the very unfavourable accounts just received from France some
apprehensions are entertained as to the yearimgs of Count Lagrange, which
are advertised by Messrs. Tattersall to be disposed of at the hammer in the
beginning of next month, being able to arrive here at the appointed time."

If they ever arrive at all, it will be well enough. Better late than
never. The yearlings of Count Lagrange, if still existing, possess a
property which must render their existence in France, and particularly
in Paris, just now, very precarious. Their flesh, as young horseflesh,
is, doubtless, horseflesh of special tenderness. The votaries who re-
gard the horse with sentiments like those which the ancient Egyptians
cherished for the ox Apis, and Indian Brahmins also contemplate a
bull with, must, considering the perilous position of Count Lagrange's ,

yearlings, naturally feel extremely apprehensive as to the safety of "Sergeant M.Bamford, bottle>of whuky, by_Mr. flarr
those sacred animals. I l^^^^h^^.^L^t^'

PRIZES FOR VOLUNTEERS.

Mr. Punch has been greatly struck with the extraordinary good sense
of the Scottish folks about Roxburgh. Their deeds ought to be set down
in a handsome book, with a Roxburgh binding. Look at this list of
prizes just given to the Volunteers at Denholm : —

"Corporal J. Richardson, 1 dozen socks and 10s., presented by Lieutenant
Elliott.

"Sergeant J. Henderson, a trouser piece and 5s , by Captain Dickson.
" Corporal Paterson, bag of potatoes and 5s., by Lieutenant Selby.
"Joseph Furnes», bag of carrots and necklace and earrings, by Sergeant
Turn bull and Corporal Lawson.

" Donald McDonald, gold albert and muffatees. by Mr. John Armstrong.
"John Armstrong, barrel of herring and 2s. 6d., by Mr. Jas. Turnbull.
" John Dunwoodie, bottle of brandy, by Mr. Leyden.
" George '1'inker, pair of drawers and Is.
"Frank Gray, a scarf and Is. 6d.. by Mr. Turnbull, Spittal.
" L.-Corp. J. Miller, 1 lb. of tea, by Mr. J. Elliot.

Pat and his Pigs.

Our iron manufacturers, we are told, are looking out for supples of
the ore in different countries, Pntre avtres, the resources of Ireland
are being investigated. The Arigna Mines, near Galway, we are in-
formed at one time offered good prospect of success, but " had to be
abandoned from the hostile attitude of the neighbouring population."
Naturally, if lamentably, Paddy, like other short-sighted producers,
has always opposed the exportation of his pigs.

A gourmand friend of ours, writing from Paris, complains that they
nave plenty of Sorties, but no Entrees.

W. Thorburn, a bun, by Mr. Peattie, baker.
""Walter Little, \ lb. of tobacco, by Mr. Oman.
" Thomas Scott, a pair of shoes, by Mr. fark.
" Sergt. Turnbull, bottle of cordial, by Mr. GUlies.
" P. Pobson, a jet albert chain, bv Mr. G. Little.
"J. McMorran. two combs, by A Friend.
" John Tait, a 3ible, by A Friend."

The Slang of the Stranger.

The nations, actuated by most, selfish immorality,

Hate us because we treat them all with just impartiality ;

They call it, in their spite, our "egotistical neutrality."

Veterinary Surgeons.—Horse Leeches.