Punch: Punch (70.1876)

February 12, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

ECONOMY IN A MESS!

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Is Guards' Regula -
1| tions.

1 2,imth _

129th Regiment.

Present—Lieutexaxt-Coloxee Trimmer (in the Chair) ; Major
Milbmax ; Captatxs Fastboy, Drag, Buskix, and Plodd ;
Lieutenants Shodby and Caper; Sub-Lieutenant Bantam;
Sbrgeox Probang.

After the roll of officers had been called by the Adjutant, the
Minutes of the last Meeting were read, approved, and confirmed.

Lieutenant-Coloxel Trimmer said that he had called a Meeting
of the Officers of the Regiment because he wished to take their opinion
upon the subject of Mess Expenses. In the olden time, the Mess
was considered private.—it was left to the Officers who had the
honour to command the Regiment (assisted by the Mess-Committee)
to regulate the customs and decide upon the uniform. Now-a-dayg
the Mess-jacket was a matter of sealed patterns, and he was directed
to see that no unnecessary expense should be incurred by the
Officers under his_ command in giving entertainments. He wished
to live in friendship and good-will with all his Officers, and he there-
fore called upon them to make any suggestion they pleased for his
information. _ Of course they would understand it was merely for
his information, as the Mess had now become a question of disci-
pline.

Major Milbman begged to call the attention of the Colonel to
the fact that Champagne was drunk at Mess contrary to the wishes
of the General commanding the district.

Captain Fastboy wished to correct the Major. The General
objected to Champagne. He doubted if the liquor recently supplied
to the Mess under the name of Champagne really came within the
General's objection. It was more suggestive of gooseberries than
grapes.

Lieutenant-Colonel Trimmer wished to know why Champagne
had been introduced after his orders to the contrary.

Surgeox Probaxg explained that the General commanding the dis-
trict had dined with the Mess during the temporary absence of the
Colonel. The General commanding the district had ordered the
Champagne.

Lieutenant-Colonel Trimmer said that altered the matter.
Evidently the intention of the General was not absolutely to forbid
the consumption of effervescing wine—what was commonly under-
stood by " fizz," in fact—but to put a stop to unnecessary display.
Under those circumstances the case might, perhaps, be met by
Champagne being drunk in future from China mugs in lieu of
glasses.

Captaix Buskix would respectfully ask the Colonel if private
theatricals came under the heading of entertainments."

Lieutenant-Colonel Trimmer (before answering the question)
would wish to know who took part in the theatricals.

Captaix Buskix informed the Colonel that Surgeox Probaxg
Lieutexaxt Caper, and himself, were the leading members of the
troupe.

_ Lieutexaxt-Coloxee Trimmer was of opinion that, under these
circumstances, the theatricals could scarcely be considered as enter-
tainments.

Lieutexaxt Caper respectfully requested to know whether the
Regiment might not occasionally give a ball to the resident gentry.
The fact was the amateur theatricals recently given, which had been

very largely attended, had created a very unpleasant, and, he was
bound to say, erroneous impression in the neighbourhood. Hamlet
had been played, he thought very well played—but the resident
gentry who had witnessed the performance insisted that there had
been an intention to burlesque Shakspeare. Such an intention he
begged most energetically to repudiate, for himself and the other
members of the regimental corps dramatique.

Lieutexant-Colonel Trimmer thought that perhaps, under the
special circumstances of the case, a baU might be given, but officers
must be put to no unnecessary expense. He would be glad to
receive suggestions.

Major Milbmax would suggest that the band of the Regiment
should play quadrilles from eight until ten, and that tea and cake
should be served for ten minutes, in the ante-room, at half-past
nine.

Captaix Fastboy said that it would be absolutely necessary, to
preserve the prestige of the Regiment, that a string band should be
brought down from Town, and that the supper should come from
Guxter's.

Lieutexaxt Shobby thought that things ought to be well done, if
they were done at all. Five-pound bouquets should be provided for
the Ladies. His father was ready to put down £2,000 to pay his
proportion of the cost of doing things in style. " D—n the expense,"
was his motto.

Lieutexaxt-Coloxee Trimmer begged to decline Mr. Shobby's
offer. He did not think that Mr. Shobby had quite caught the
regimental spirit.

Captain Peobb could not help feeling that a ball was an unneces-
sary, as well as unsatisfactory, form of entertainment. A scientific
Conversazione would be infinitely better. For £50 he undertook to
purchase the materials for several most interesting illustrated
lectures on Electricity, the Spectroscope, Organic Chemistry, and
the Darwinian System of Evolution.

Sub-Lieutexaxt Baxtam, as an officer of two months' standing,
thought that the Regiment would be utterly disgraced if they did
not give a good Ball at least once a quarter. Did not the glorious
rag he had had the honour of carrying that morning for the first
time, record what the Regiment had done at "Waterloo, the Alma,
and Inkermann ? As to expense, he for one was quite sure his
widowed mother woidd send him an extra £10 note for so good a
purpose.

Captaix Dragg would like to know whether the Colonel Avished
the Pack to be kept up ?

The Colonel said certainly—at the same time he would like to see
more economy in its management, and had made a suggestion with
that view in his list of regulations, which he thought would meet
the exigences of the case all round. He had framed them with a
view to encourage good feeling and keep up the prestige of the
Regiment, while avoiding all unnecessary outlay, which, as their
Commanding Officer, it was his duty to discourage.

The Adjutant then read the following list:—

Mess.—Champagne and all other wines may be drunk, but in
mugs. The chef will send up the dinner (which will be of the usual
recherche description) on willow-pattern plates. Water decanters
will not be put on the table, as being an unnecessary expense. The
supply of salt and other condiments will in future be carefully con-
trolled, with a view to the strictest economy.

Private Theatricals.—Stage costumes, professional coach, and hire
of rooms will remain as before. As it appears, however, that it has
been customary to pay ten boys at a shilling a head to go into the
gallery to applaud, a reduction is recommended under this heading.
In future only five boys will be sent into the gallery at tenpence a
head.

Ball.—Band and supper will come from London as heretofore.
No alterations will be made in the sums voted for hire of rooms,
floral decorations, &c. With a view to economy, however, the
riband attached to the pencils of the dance programmes will be of
common silk instead of twist gold-thread.

Pack.—In future, the man in charge of the dogs will receive one
quart of beer, allowance, daily, instead of three pints as heretofore.

After the reading of the above regulations, Lieutexaxt-Coloxee
Trimmer thanked the Officers for their attendance, and the Meeting
was formally dissolved.

The Colonel, before leaving, intimated, however, that no great
reduction would be made in the Mess subscription of the 129th
Regiment, in spite of the above sweeping reforms.

SHAKSrEARE ox THE rixk.

" Thus men may grow wiser every day-—it is the first time that
ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport for Ladies."

As You Like It (Act i. s. 2).

Motto eor the Poste RestaXTE.—" Litera scripta manet.