Punch: Punch (70.1876)

106 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 18, 1876.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Draper's Shopman (Melbourne, Victoria). "What do you want, my Man?"

Successful Gold-Digger (who has been admiring the Customer seated near him). " Jist you rig out my Missus like that 'ere Young
'Ooman ! !"

THE SLEEPY HOLLOW OP SCIENCE.

A Lecture on " The Paraffins and their Alcohols " was given the
other Friday evening by Professor Odllng, in the Theatre of the
Royal Institution.

A lecture by a clever man on combustible matters, illustrated by
experiments, is peculiarly interesting to a popular audience. The
remark, therefore, below quoted from a report of Professor
Odllng's discourse, may to some minds appear unaccountable, if not
a joke at the Professor's expense. Of paraffins the Lecturer had
said :—

" The lightest and most volatile varieties constitute benzoline, a liquid of
many uses in the arts, but exceedingly dangerous for lamps."

His reporter continues :—

" Professor Odling placed a minute quantity on some cotton wool in a
jar of oxygen, allowed a few seconds for it to diffuse itself, and then applied a
match. A sharp, short, and very loud report resulted, the effect of which was
peculiarly observable on those of the audience who were unable to struggle
against the demand for an after-dinner doze."

Nobody, however, who has ever experienced a crowded theatre of
an evening at the Royal Institution will make the mistake of sup-
posing that Professor Odling's observations on paraffin had sent a
good many of his hearers to sleep. The demand for an after-dinner
doze on their parts was created not by scientific information, but by
carbonic acid gas, with which the atmosphere in the Theatre of the
lloyal Institution is always loaded when full of people whose lungs,
by a law of nature, exhale that narcotic. What we learn from their
somnolence is not that Professor Odling lectured in a somniferous
style, but that the Royal Institution remains unventilated, although
its Managers have had pointed put to them, what it is strange they
should need to be told, that their Theatre, a Theatre of Science in
general, and Physiology and Chemistry in particular, whenever
crammed, is crammed, literally, to suffocation.

Mr Only " Crossed Checks."—My own Shepherd's-plaid Trousers.

GAMGEE TO CELIA.

(See the Accounts of the Professor's Wonderful " Glaciarium," or

Meal-Ice-Rink.')

Rink with me upon Nature's ice,

And I '11 match hers with mine:
Out of your asphaltes, so cracked up,

'Tis I will take the shine !
I make an ice that's more than nice—

Ethereal, divine!
And they in Rinks that would invest,

Had best buy into mine ! ,

The Great Divide.

The Earl of Dunraven has chosen a subject for his new book \
which will deeply interest all British matrons. Of course the object i
of The Great Divide is to teach economy in the use of coals and J
firewood. His Lordship would, however, do well to attend a Spelling
Bee, and he will then be able to announce his next edition under j
its correct heading, with the "e" in the right place, and an |
explanatory second title, i.e.,The Grate Divide ; or, How to Save j
Half your Fuel. A Narrative of Mi-grating into the Hearthstone
Country during the Last Three Winters. But perhaps this'would
be" more suitable to Lord Dundreary than Lord Dunraven. Or,
why not collaborate ? _

Baring and' Over-bearing.

That Flower's crusade has not been vain,

By a late change is shown:
Ere he '11 brook Salisbury's bearing-rein,

Northbrook gives up his own!

A Dish Re-Christened.—For Cabinet _ Piidding, read Suez
Dumpling.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. V). Lo'aine Road, Hollo wav. in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradhury, Asnew.4 Co. .LoiubarJ
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published By him at Nj. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City 01 Londm.— Saibrday, March. 18,1876.