Punch: Punch (70.1876)

April 15, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

145

" Jenny," says Bella to me, when her toilette is completed,
" Dtjsover likes me very much. We shall be married."

"Bella," I return, reddening with indignation at her insane
conduct, "I have heard about this man. He is ugly, irreligious,
ill-tempered, fierce, stingy, greedy, dissipated, and a drunkard," I
say, with rising exasperation.

" He is /" she replies, with a triumphant smile ; " but as I like
ugliness, irreligion, ill-temper,] ferocity, stinginess, greediness,
dissipation, and the bottle — with one who combines all these
qualities in himself, my married life must be one of unalloyed
happiness."

It is impossible to answer this argument. Even in logic, Bella
invariably gets the better of me.

"But," 1 say to my wayward1 sister, " you will return with me
to Wollum."

"I am not going back to Wollum," replies Bella ; " at least, not
yet."

" Do, there's a dear good child! " I say, coaxingfy.
" I will not! " returns the dear good child.

"You want to stop with that scarlet-haired man!" I say,;
vixenishly.

" He is not scarlet-haired! " cries Bella, in a fury. " Co away!"
she screams, stamping her foot violently.

"Perhaps," I say, giving in—I am the elder sister, and have
always been accustomed to give in to Bella, whenever she screams
and stamps—"perhaps I had better run after Me. Hassock, with his
bag: he will want his suit for Sunday," I add, with my usual
material view of things.

So I leave her, and walk in the direction which I think the un-
happy, little, broken-hearted clergyman has already taken. But I
still have the powerful telescope with me, by whose aid I can see,
and hear distinctly, what is going on in the dark blue night-time by
the grey sea-shore.

Chap. VI.— What the Author says.

For a moment Bella paused before returning to Dtjsover
Beljambe. She listened with strained attention. Thud after thud
struck the dry, parched, rocky ground, the sound conveying to her
mind the notion of some strong, powerful man employed in lifting
weights out of a box? and letting them fall on the dull, muffled
earth. Unable to resist the temptation, she descended the sheer
cliff with the steadiness of a trained creeper, and, peering in between
two immense boulders, saw Dtjsover Beljaiibe heaving big, over-
burdening sighs out of his great, deep chest.

She felt within herself that she too must share his fearful grief,
and so, in her new dress, cheerful, deep-faced, metamorphosed, she
stands before him.

He rushed to her, and clasped her in his strong embrace.

" My little, pure, white snowdrop ! " he exclaimed, bending down
his long, brown neck, and gazing, ravenously, on the small face,
cavernous full mouth, pouting, ripe lips, and glorious wealth of sun-
coloured, autumn-scented hair, which any three mighty sovereigns,
of reddest carat-gold, could scarcely have purchased.

Dtjsover felt himself irresistibly drawn towards her by capillary
attraction,—to this fair creature, in her plain, uncoquettish, simple
attire. _ An orange-coloured riband snooaed over her pin-like head
in the innocentest, freshest manner possible, while the crown of nut-
brown-sherry hair, turned up in one great bunch which she could
twist into form at the rate of twenty knots an hour,—the nuttiest,
brownest, goldenest, sherriest, hairiest hair over her alabasterest
temple

" Thatever you did see,"

formed a rare frame for her liquidest, southernest, innocentest,
rosebudest, shyest, translucentest, pinkest-geraniumest face, whose
great glow of unutterable gladness revealed a sunrise of enormous
Love to the hungry tenderness of his dear, gorging, famished eyes.

She flung herself on to his breast, and then—gently shook his
hand.*

* What the Editor says (in a letter to the Authoress).—""We (the Com-
mittee, including the latest addition to our number) have decided upon
omitting the remainder of this paragraph. At one time it was proposed (by
the Chair) that the entire passage should be left out, but our Maiden Aunt
(who enjoyed, the Greenwich dinner yesterday immensely) forcibly argued,
from the suggestion (in your latest note to Ourselves, my dear Madam) about
' leaving something to the imagination,' that, while your admirable description
is (as the lady in question demonstrated) strictly true to nature, it is just a
trifle too garish in colour, and this defect we (the Committee) have therefore
remedied, by the substitution of the neutral-tinted line ' and then gently
shook his hand,' which, after all, is quite in keeping with the situation, and
(with our contract as to the morale of this novel), does artistically leave a
considerable amount to the imagination. Should you not be entirely with
us in this matter, we are afraid your communication will arrive too late, as
the chapter is now going to Press."—Ed.

What the Authoress says.—" You" know the proverb about pearls. Your
Aunt (who seems to be a thoroughly sensible person) writes to me privately to
say, that, if she could have had her way, the whole passage should have stcnd

" I will be Mrs. Captain Dtjsover Beljambe," she murmured.
" Will you ? " he returned, inquiringly.

Then a deep shade passed over his kind eyes, and his brown face
turned white, as a tender, troubled, look arose in his deep-set, cavern-
ous eyes.

" Come nearer, Bella," he said, " and I will tell you the secret
of my life."

(To be continued.)

WHITE MATES IN ONE MOVE.

Paris has been giving herself
up lately to the enjoyment
of sensational_ weddings.
The crowning interest has
been reached by the mar-
riage of Mlle. Blanc,
who was lately pushed
across by her father, the
celebrated proprietor of the
Monaco gaming-tables, to
the Prince Radzyvill, one
of his most constant patrons,
for better or worse—in
fact to turn out a prize or
a blank, as fortune may
determine. A few interest-
ing details of the ceremony
have not as yet been di-
vulged to the public.
Punch trusts he is not in-
discreet in publishing some
additional information. If
old Blanc be "Impair''''
(un pere), as he has been
called by a punter now
sunk to a punster of the
most reckless description—
let us hope that bride and
bridegroom are destined to
be a happy pair, thougn sue is not yet"twenty and he is between
trente et quarante. The contrast of the bride's auburn tresses with
her lord's raven hair made more than one spectator compare them
to the rouge et noir of the paternal board of green cloth.

The lady certainly does not bring her bridegroom a zero as a
dowry. Though we may not admire the connection, prejudice is no
cause for not wishing that their married life may go comme sni-
des roulettes.

It is reported that when the bride arrived, pale with emotion, at
the altar, her affectionate father could not resist a last paternal cry
of " Rouge perd et couleur." This not unnaturally called up a
flush on the cheek of the manly bridegroom, but he had the presence
of mind to cap the paternal allusion of Blanc Senior to his daugh-
ter's paleness with a smile and the half-audible retort—with refer-
ence at once to his own blush and the lady's dot—" Couleur gagne!"

Historical Title for Government.

The present Ministry should be historically remembered—though
when once out it will not be easy to re-" Member" it—as "The
Additional Administration." Their policy has not led them to a
Division, but to a continual Addition. Thus, inter alia, it has added
an hour to the daily period of Drinking : it has added the Suez
Canal to the list of English rivers: it has added the Vanguard to
the total of British wrecks: the Slave Circular to the number of
blunders : one penny to the Income-tax: and Empress to Queen.
That the Prime Mover of all this should take the Archbishop oe
Canterbury's house at Addington, is a suggestion which might be
acted on by a consistent politician who has also a respect for puns in
place.

as I originally wrote it. "Was Hogarth a moral teacher or not ? Was
Rubens a great colourist? Put Hogarth and Rubens together on to a
report of the Admiralty Divorce and Probate Court? Me comprenez-vous,
mon ami ? Do I hold up Dusover Beljambe as a faultless hero to be imi-
tated ? or Bella as a paragon of frigid respectability, or oyster-like flabby
virtue ? Do I tell you or anyone to copy him or her ? Do you expect -a long
threnody? No."—P. D.

What the Editor says.—" Dear Madam, don't be angry. We do not expect
a ' threnody'—but a three-volumey. You see we are in a good temper. You
are begging the question. Read our letter again."—Ed.

What the Authoress says.—" Dear Sir, I'm not angry. I do not see the
humour of your ' threnody' joke. If I ' begged the question,' you begged the
answer, and now you've got it. Haven't time for reading letters—I write."—
R D.