Punch: Punch (70.1876)

178 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 6, 1876.

THE BUSINESS OF PLEASURE.

Professor Guzzleton (to Fair Chatterbox). "Are you aware that our Host has a French Cook ?" Fair Chatterbox. "So I hear!"
Professor Guzzleton. " And that that French Cook is the best in London ? " Fair Chatterbox. " So I believe ! "
Professor Gvzzleton. " Then don't you think aye had better defer all further Conversation till we meet again in the
Drawing-Room ?"

BOB'S PENANCE.

. " Sweet are the uses of adversity."

"It gives me the most sincere satisfaction, after the dreary life which I
have led for two and a half years, to find myself at last once more in a meeting
that is really heartily and unmistakeably Liberal. The penance that we have
gone through no words can tell. "We have argued, and we have convinced, I
believe, upon many occasions ; but when it came to the division, there was the
same inevitable result. Opinions may have been shaken, scruples may have
been raised, difficulties which could not have been answered may have been
suggested; but the same inevitable termination came—Beaten by a majority
of so many."—Mr. Lowe at Retford.

Oh, pity the sorrows of Sisyphus-Lowe !

Greek fancy, which fashioned the classical Hades,
Devised a respectable torment or so

For treacherous Monarchs or murderous Ladies.
But what was the toil of the Stone or the Sieve,

Compared with the task of our modern Bob Logic,
Compelling Boeotian brains to believe,

Yet reaping no fruits of his pains pedagogic ?

A penance indeed not unworthy of Tophet,

Bob his foes may confute, but he cannot compel 'em.

They from darkness Egyptian contrive to snatch profit,
While he could not manage " ex luce lucellum " .'

Yet 'tis an ill wind that blows nobody good;

Sadness softens the visage most stern and prognathous.
To see our cool Bon in a right melting mood,

With a tear in his eye, and his tongue tuned to pathos,
Is such a sweet sight, and so rich, and so rare,

That a snatch of fine joy from his gloom we can borrow.
Cheer up, Bob ! Ben's glass is no longer " set fair."

You to-day wear the sheet; he may don it to-morrow.

A MODEST ADVERTISER.

TO NOBLEMEN" and GENTLEMEN".—An accomplished and highly
respectable single English gentleman, age 25, who is truly energetic,
honest, candid, temperate, moral, staid, of good intellect and address, pre ■
possessing in appearance, of strong and healthy constitution, has travelled in
various parts of England, France, and America, can ride, swim, row, shoot,
fence, sing, play, &c, and can give unexceptionable references, is desirous of
an ENGAGEMENT, &c, &c.

Ought not this paragon to have headed his advertisement, " To
Ladies of Beauty, Rank and Fortune ?" Such a combination of
all the virtues and accomplishments, with personal beauty in addi-
tion, is seldom to be found. Surely he will not be long on the
market. He adds, what scarcely was necessary, that he is a " person
without conceit." Such persons are rare: but here is evidently a
perfect specimen of greatness combined with modesty. Ladies of
England, Leap Year is not over, and this admirable Crichton is
unmarried!

A Bitter. Disappointment.—Being served with a glass of Bass
when you called for old Edinburgh.

To argue, convince, yet not conquer ! Alack !

What, what is the use of cool Reason's authority,
When brought against brass-fronted Ben, with his back

Set safe 'gainst the rock of his fine brute Majority ?
Ah ! Tantalus-torture were nothing to Lowe's :

Fancy critical Bob cutting blocks with his razor!
A spectacle that, Mr. Punch would suppose,

To soften the heart of the stoniest gazer.

To mark money flying like Danae's shower,

To hear premiss coolly divorced from conclusion,

O'er purse-strings or fallacies void of all power.
To see Tory muffs worse-confounding confusion I